Kyuushin Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Hey everyone, I'm currently in a long distance relationship for about 3 months now, we've met in an online game. The first month and a half was perfectly fine, it felt like a dream. Everything went so smoothly. It was only until mid february that things started to fall. My girlfriend began to send less messages to me and most of the time they were short sentences (sometimes even just 1 word replies). When I'm busy doing something and she notices that I haven't messaged her for about 15 minutes, she starts to wonder where I went. So basically, she won't engage in a conversation unless I'm the first to talk and when I do, she just responds half-heartedly. When I asked her why she speaks so dryly to me, she feels offended and starts being rude to me. I didn't take it personally but I got mad at her and started telling her about how I feel when she needs my attention but doesn't give as much effort as I do in our relationship. She got mad at me and ignored me for 2 whole days. It was only until this morning, when I emailed her "Good morning, I hope you slept well and enjoy your day. I want to resolve things with you about our argument as soon as we can so we can learn about it and move on so we don't repeat it again in the future." She then said that we don't have to talk about it and she didn't want to anyway. I asked her why and she said I would repeat it even if I say I want to fix things and that she's grown tired of it. I told her that i know how annoyed she feels about my behavior and that I feel frustated about myself too, it's just how I am, I like to talk about what's in my mind, is that a bad thing to do? She never tells me how she feels, whenever I ask her, she just says "okay" and never gave me a piece of her mind afterwards. I told her I understand how upset she feels about me and that I will give all the space she needs. I told her I won't send any messages on Skype, won't email her at all if she feels upset seeing me type to her. I feel stuck in a cage guys, I don't know what to do... I'm afraid she's going to leave me... But I know that we both love each other so much... We even thought about our future, our marriage and living together. We just have so many amazing memories to simply just let go of our relationship. I just feel like I messed things up
HeavenOrHell Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Why are you thinking about marriage after 3 months, and with someone you've not met (assuming you've not actually met?) How can she leave you when you've not even met yet?! If you want to see if you actually click in real life, you need to meet up, if it's too hard to meet up for months yet, ie you're too young or can't because of money restrictions or any other restriction, then I would just forget it and walk away, it's not worth it. Hey everyone, I'm currently in a long distance relationship for about 3 months now, we've met in an online game. The first month and a half was perfectly fine, it felt like a dream. Everything went so smoothly. It was only until mid february that things started to fall. My girlfriend began to send less messages to me and most of the time they were short sentences (sometimes even just 1 word replies). When I'm busy doing something and she notices that I haven't messaged her for about 15 minutes, she starts to wonder where I went. So basically, she won't engage in a conversation unless I'm the first to talk and when I do, she just responds half-heartedly. When I asked her why she speaks so dryly to me, she feels offended and starts being rude to me. I didn't take it personally but I got mad at her and started telling her about how I feel when she needs my attention but doesn't give as much effort as I do in our relationship. She got mad at me and ignored me for 2 whole days. It was only until this morning, when I emailed her "Good morning, I hope you slept well and enjoy your day. I want to resolve things with you about our argument as soon as we can so we can learn about it and move on so we don't repeat it again in the future." She then said that we don't have to talk about it and she didn't want to anyway. I asked her why and she said I would repeat it even if I say I want to fix things and that she's grown tired of it. I told her that i know how annoyed she feels about my behavior and that I feel frustated about myself too, it's just how I am, I like to talk about what's in my mind, is that a bad thing to do? She never tells me how she feels, whenever I ask her, she just says "okay" and never gave me a piece of her mind afterwards. I told her I understand how upset she feels about me and that I will give all the space she needs. I told her I won't send any messages on Skype, won't email her at all if she feels upset seeing me type to her. I feel stuck in a cage guys, I don't know what to do... I'm afraid she's going to leave me... But I know that we both love each other so much... We even thought about our future, our marriage and living together. We just have so many amazing memories to simply just let go of our relationship. I just feel like I messed things up 1
soccerrprp Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Kyuushin, There's nothing to lose. You're not in a relationship. A relationship requires that you know each other physically, in person. Anything else is a digital dream, not real. 2
HeavenOrHell Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I'm glad there are a few people here who think rationally about this. I once wrote a thread (not in this forum) about how I found it crazy when people said they were heartbroken about how their 'relationship' had 'broken up', I find it incredulous that people can 'break up' with someone they've not met Not talking about the OP here, just mean in general I find it crazy! Most people had a go at me and said splitting up with someone you've not met could be as bad as breaking up with someone you've lived with for years, uhm, what?! I found that insulting as my last r/ship was nearly 2 decades together and the pain that brought cannot be compared to the upset someone feels over soemone they've not even met. I know you can feel close to someone online, course you can, but it needs to be looked at rationally, until people meet it's a fantasy, some will get on face to face and some won't Kyuushin, There's nothing to lose. You're not in a relationship. A relationship requires that you know each other physically, in person. Anything else is a digital dream, not real.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 OP. If I may be blunt, get your head out of the clouds and give it a good shake! Then shake it again! You have never met this person. You have communicated with this person for 3 short months. You actually considered making a life-long commitment to this virtual stranger. (WHY?!?!) She is apparently extremely immature and thrives on drama. You're not in a relationship; you're a distraction and ego-stroker to her. That's why she gets angry when you don't bow down to her. It isn't about you. It's about the validation and self-esteem boost she gets from you. She knows you'll do just about anything she asks and she likes that power. So, while you're giving your head that good shake, locate your backbone and use it. Move on from this silly drama. It's hurting you and not worth your time whatsoever. She'll drop you as soon as she finds some other guy to make her feel good, mark my words. Find a girl in real life who can treat you with the kindness and respect you deserve.
justwhoiam Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I agree with people saying it's all virtual until when you meet up for real, flesh and bone. I said it myself more than once in this forum. But the concept of "loss" is a bit different, with no intent of comparing a 20 year cohabitation or marriage to 3 months of chatting/sharing. I guess it's like people crying when Lady Diana died. They had never met her, still they felt it was a great loss, because they were somehow attached to her. And I could see myself crying if I lose someone I am very attached to and with whom there's been daily interaction (cyber buddy, prospective bf), not so for someone I never had any contact with (Lady D) It was only until mid february that things started to fall. So, what happened on Valentine's day? I guess it's no big deal for any guy, but she's not a guy for sure. she speaks so dryly to me, she feels offended and starts being rude to me. Something probably happened. I didn't take it personally but I got mad at her What?! That was an oxymoron, you know? It's usually simpler than you think: if a girl acts offended, chances are it's because she is offended, but didn't tell you. And it's possible that she's offended for a good reason, at least in her mind. I emailed her "Good morning, I hope you slept well and enjoy your day. I want to resolve things with you about our argument as soon as we can so we can learn about it and move on so we don't repeat it again in the future." You want to be taken seriously? 1) Pick up the phone and call her. 2) Reserve the necessary time for the matter. 3) Don't be cold, be affectionate. 4) Do not minimize her motives. 5) Plan to meet her in a reasonable lapse of time.
HeavenOrHell Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Oh yes, people can feel upset for sure about people they've never met, just not to the same extent as losing someone you lived with, they're two entirely different relationships. I agree with people saying it's all virtual until when you meet up for real, flesh and bone. I said it myself more than once in this forum. But the concept of "loss" is a bit different, with no intent of comparing a 20 year cohabitation or marriage to 3 months of chatting/sharing. I guess it's like people crying when Lady Diana died. They had never met her, still they felt it was a great loss, because they were somehow attached to her. And I could see myself crying if I lose someone I am very attached to and with whom there's been daily interaction (cyber buddy, prospective bf), not so for someone I never had any contact with (Lady D) So, what happened on Valentine's day? I guess it's no big deal for any guy, but she's not a guy for sure. Something probably happened. What?! That was an oxymoron, you know? It's usually simpler than you think: if a girl acts offended, chances are it's because she is offended, but didn't tell you. And it's possible that she's offended for a good reason, at least in her mind. You want to be taken seriously? 1) Pick up the phone and call her. 2) Reserve the necessary time for the matter. 3) Don't be cold, be affectionate. 4) Do not minimize her motives. 5) Plan to meet her in a reasonable lapse of time.
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