Blue Gardenia Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 so I dated this guy from Plenty of Fish last year, he was attractive and interesting but after a few dates it ended because he was going out of town and we had a misunderstanding/miscommunication. I didn't pursue it further and neither did he when he came back. I forgot about it and chalked it up to "we weren't meant to be." Flash forward 6 months, I'm thinking about him again and feel like I blew him off too quickly. I would say that I gave off a vibe of "don't bother calling", I don't know, I think at the time I was a bit ticked by something he said. I've since put some of my past hurts behind me, and I think that is why I am thinking about this POF guy again and realizing I did not give him a fair shake. I'm also lonely, mid-40s and never married, but I'm ok-looking and independent. I emailed him on POF about a month ago with a cute travel story that I thought he would be interested in. I see that he has not been online in a month. I know POF "nudges" you if you have emails unopened. At this point, I'm wondering -- would it be really forward for me to re-send that email to him? Or should I let it go? If he had read it and disregarded it, that would be one thing, but I know he has not read it or even been on the site in over a month. Of course, that could be because he's dating someone, or for other reasons.
jrh1524 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 If a woman did to me like you did to that guy, then came crawling back after so many months, I would pump and dump her so quick.
Emilia Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I'm also lonely, mid-40s and never married, but I'm ok-looking and independent. I emailed him on POF about a month ago with a cute travel story that I thought he would be interested in. I see that he has not been online in a month. I know POF "nudges" you if you have emails unopened. At this point, I'm wondering -- would it be really forward for me to re-send that email to him? Or should I let it go? If he had read it and disregarded it, that would be one thing, but I know he has not read it or even been on the site in over a month. Of course, that could be because he's dating someone, or for other reasons. Let it go. The real reason why you want contact is the bolded. You need to talk to more guys, not recycle someone from a dating site. 3
Zahara Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 So what would make you think that resending it is going to make him read it when he hasn't been online? You should let it go. He is probably dating someone or has moved past you. I think you're revisiting this because you're lonely and you're trying to revive old options. If you are on a dating site, keep going out and meeting new people. 1
Author Blue Gardenia Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 So what would make you think that resending it is going to make him read it when he hasn't been online? You should let it go. He is probably dating someone or has moved past you. I think you're revisiting this because you're lonely and you're trying to revive old options. If you are on a dating site, keep going out and meeting new people. You're probably right that he's dating someone else. I guess I'm disappointed in the quality of men on the dating sites, and once I was able to put away some of my past I could think more clearly about one of the "good ones".
Sivok Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I say why not! A few years ago I met a girl for one date on POF, we got along pretty well, but we both got caught up in our busy lives. I saw her on there again almost a year later, messaged her, and we ended up dating for 6 months.
Author Blue Gardenia Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 I say why not! A few years ago I met a girl for one date on POF, we got along pretty well, but we both got caught up in our busy lives. I saw her on there again almost a year later, messaged her, and we ended up dating for 6 months. I guess my concern is that I will look too desperate.
Zahara Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 You're probably right that he's dating someone else. I guess I'm disappointed in the quality of men on the dating sites, and once I was able to put away some of my past I could think more clearly about one of the "good ones". I completely understand. I'm in my 40s as well and my OLD days are over. I'm so done with it. I've resigned myself to activity meetups and singles events as my avenue to meet people. Well, you don't even know if he's a good one. Don't put yourself in box by placing him on a pedestal. Just as you met him, I'm sure you will meet others. Takes a lot of weeding out and yes, energy too! 1
Zahara Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I say why not! A few years ago I met a girl for one date on POF, we got along pretty well, but we both got caught up in our busy lives. I saw her on there again almost a year later, messaged her, and we ended up dating for 6 months. The difference is that she responded to you. OP sent him an email and there was no response -- he's not active on POF and hasn't read the email. Resending the email isn't going to make him read it when he's not even active. And if he became active, he would most likely see that initial email sitting in his inbox. Yes, OP. It will look desperate. Please don't chase. You made an attempt, leave it at that.
Author Blue Gardenia Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 The difference is that she responded to you. OP sent him an email and there was no response -- he's not active on POF and hasn't read the email. Resending the email isn't going to make him read it when he's not even active. And if he became active, he would most likely see that initial email sitting in his inbox. Yes, OP. It will look desperate. Please don't chase. You made an attempt, leave it at that. The email stays in his inbox for 30 days, the POF deletes it. It is day 28. So if he does become active (he was active a month ago, then stopped) he won't see my email. "Re-sending" it keeps it in his inbox for another 30 days. (sigh), yeah, I feel like I let a good one go. And I'm sick of POF and other dating sites, as I'm not looking for a one-night stand or hook up.
Zahara Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 The email stays in his inbox for 30 days, the POF deletes it. It is day 28. So if he does become active (he was active a month ago, then stopped) he won't see my email. "Re-sending" it keeps it in his inbox for another 30 days. (sigh), yeah, I feel like I let a good one go. And I'm sick of POF and other dating sites, as I'm not looking for a one-night stand or hook up. You said that he gets notified by POF that he has an unread email, yes? So, maybe 1) he isn't online/active could be he is dating someone 2) didn't see it 3) doesn't want to reconnect. The thing is if you send it again, and he doesn't read it, will you resend for the third time -- every 30 days? Again, you don't know if he's a good one. Stop building castles in the sky. If you're tired of dating sites, try something different. There are other ways to go out and meet guys/people. It wouldn't hurt you to maybe start meeting some like minded women out there as well -- open up your social circle.
changeup2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 It's worth a shot. Just go for it, if you don't get any response from him or the response you're hoping for, really it's no love lost and who cares if he thinks you look desperate (which I don't think you will or do), it's not like you'll ever have to see him again. Go for it, what do you have to lose?
Author Blue Gardenia Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Go for it, what do you have to lose? My self-respect, I think. I don't have a lot of dating experience tbh, so I worry about my judgements. In my non-dating life, I'm poised and confident. So yeah, deep down I do worry that he's going to think "wow, I dodged that bullet!"
Candice Luna Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 OP, If I were you I would write again, but not resend the same email. I would just ask how he's doing and if he's currently dating someone. I don't think that sounds desperate, especially if you didn't ask it in the 1st email. Because that's basically what you want to know and the travel story was just an excuse to reconnect with him. Maybe he read part of the story in the email nudge (OkC includes the first 2 lines in the email) and wasn't interest in the story. Maybe the beginning of your message was weird or distant and that's what he saw in his email.
slizl Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I always email, text or call a second time because it gives me closure. 90% of the time you won't get a responce, but at least you know they aren't interested when you get radio silence.
Author Blue Gardenia Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 OP, If I were you I would write again, but not resend the same email. I would just ask how he's doing and if he's currently dating someone. I don't think that sounds desperate, especially if you didn't ask it in the 1st email. Because that's basically what you want to know and the travel story was just an excuse to reconnect with him. Maybe he read part of the story in the email nudge (OkC includes the first 2 lines in the email) and wasn't interest in the story. Maybe the beginning of your message was weird or distant and that's what he saw in his email. yes, the travel story WAS an excuse. actually, it was during my travels that I started thinking about him (there is a connection to the place I travelled to). I'm really confused now, maybe I should just drop it. Not everyone is meant to be knee-deep in the dating world or find a companion - maybe he sensed that.
Poppygoodwill Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 The email stays in his inbox for 30 days, the POF deletes it. It is day 28. So if he does become active (he was active a month ago, then stopped) he won't see my email. "Re-sending" it keeps it in his inbox for another 30 days. (sigh), yeah, I feel like I let a good one go. And I'm sick of POF and other dating sites, as I'm not looking for a one-night stand or hook up. I think you should forget about it. You sent out a feeler and for whatever reason, it's gone unanswered. You feel like you let a good one go, but you have to remember why you did it and what got you to that point. It made sense at the time. Doens't now only becuase you're lonely and feeling a bit desperate. Or so it will seem, to him. Walk away. that's my vote 1
J21 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 The email stays in his inbox for 30 days, the POF deletes it. It is day 28. So if he does become active (he was active a month ago, then stopped) he won't see my email. "Re-sending" it keeps it in his inbox for another 30 days. (sigh), yeah, I feel like I let a good one go. And I'm sick of POF and other dating sites, as I'm not looking for a one-night stand or hook up. Aw.. don't worry about it. I would just let this one go because much time has elapsed and he hasn't even logged on to read the msg. (6 months ago and 28 days). It takes 2 people to make it work, and you gave it a shot on your end by sending the message--at least have that small satisfaction. Sometimes timing is everything. Just hang in there and dont get discouraged.
Author Blue Gardenia Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 If a woman did to me like you did to that guy, then came crawling back after so many months, I would pump and dump her so quick. What, exactly, did I "do to that guy", that would elicit such a response ("pump and dump her so quick..."). We had misunderstanding and neither one of us called the other.
pyramid Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 What, exactly, did I "do to that guy", that would elicit such a response ("pump and dump her so quick..."). We had misunderstanding and neither one of us called the other. I think he he means contacting him out of the blue after 6 months. If he was interested in dating you, regardless of the misunderstanding, he would have contacted you back then. But if you blatantly show that you're lonely/desperate... what would he have to lose. I'd absolutely let it go.
LostConfused123 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Hi, I'm going through something similar. Talked with a guy in POF a few months back. I thought joining a dating site would help heal my broken heart. WRONG!!!! He was really nice, great looking etc but I was in a bad place. I actually told him the truth and I'm just not ready and made a mistake. He was really nice and suggested maybe we can meet just as friends. No pressure. I deleted my account and we never met. After feeling much better I joined match. He found me again. Sent a really nice message and said "why don't we just get married and end this madness" He really made me laugh and since I'm in a much better place I really wanted to meet up. Well it's been crickets ever since. I assume he met someone else. I can't blame him. Oh well, at least I was honest. I guess I'll just hang back and see what happens. Best of luck!!!
Author Blue Gardenia Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Hi, I'm going through something similar. Talked with a guy in POF a few months back. I thought joining a dating site would help heal my broken heart. WRONG!!!! He was really nice, great looking etc but I was in a bad place. I actually told him the truth and I'm just not ready and made a mistake. He was really nice and suggested maybe we can meet just as friends. No pressure. I deleted my account and we never met. After feeling much better I joined match. He found me again. Sent a really nice message and said "why don't we just get married and end this madness" He really made me laugh and since I'm in a much better place I really wanted to meet up. Well it's been crickets ever since. I assume he met someone else. I can't blame him. Oh well, at least I was honest. I guess I'll just hang back and see what happens. Best of luck!!! I think I've decided to hang back too, not that I expect anything to come of it. I'm glad I posted on here today. It opened my eyes a bit, and while I would like a "second chance", I think the time has passed. I also think he has met someone, as he was active online a month ago but he's been MIA for almost 4 weeks now. Yup, it's my 40-something loneliness that is driving this. I can't let that overtake my judgement! Edited February 28, 2014 by Blue Gardenia Grammar
Recommended Posts