Station88 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) Hello, i am 21 year old guy who dated and loved a 22 year old. Thanks in advance for reading the long post. I met a girl at work few months ago and after only 3 days, i felt there was something special and so i asked her to be with me and she liked me too - so she agreed to it. She was interested in me as much as i was with her and the first month it was all the great endless texting, long hourly night time phone calls and i saw her more than 10 times during the relationship and we went out on 3 dates and she enjoyed everything and so did i. We never had any real arguments but just few petty things that i did that irritated her and we got along fine after apologising and realising it was my fault. She says i am very nice to her and that she isn't as nice to me as she should be but i wasn't bothered as what she thought of being not being nice felt nice to me because i knew it was her character which i fell in love with. I told her that i love her after 6 weeks and and maybe she thinks that i pushed it too quickly, but i had to tell her my real feelings. She had a real bad relationship with her father as he never trusted her and was never there for her during her teenage years and she used to get hurt by him for a lot of things and she doesn't like him because of that as he made her life miserable. She had a real horrible previous relationship with her ex where she got pressurised in to it which lasted few months. That was her only serious relationship (2 years ago) in her life before i met her. She has a busy life with her studies and she cares a lot about them and it felt like i was getting in the way of that on occasion as i knew that she couldn't spend all her time on me and that she had a life of her own and i probably didn't understand that as much as i could. She broke up with me because she doesn't want to hurt me in the future because she thinks it would be unfair on me. But, when she was breaking up with me she was in tears and said she was horrible towards me and that she never treated me right and that i treated her way better than she treated me. She said whilst crying, that she wasn't comfortable with having a boyfriend right now and probably it could change in the future. She says it was her loss and she knows it. I know she liked me a lot at the beginning as she would talk about the future during only the first weeks of our relationship and that she has never met a nicer guy than me. I really love her and i want to keep pursuing as long as i am able to do so, i am not sure what to do right now because i text her a little but it's really hurting me to think that i could never be with her again. I am not sure if there would be a chance in the future, so i come here for some guidance on how to approach this. I know i shouldn't be asking for guidance but i have spoken to my friends and each of them give out different advice and i am just broken at the moment because i genuinely love her and i want to be with her. Edited February 27, 2014 by Station88
Chi townD Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Dude, this girl is carrying a lot of baggage. She's got a lot of personal demons to work through and she's going to have to do it, you can't help her with that. You're just going to have to let this one go. She's making it her choice to end things. If she doesn't want to stay in a relationship, then you can't make her. It wouldn't be fair to her and it wouldn't be fair to you trying to make a girl commit to a relationship when she isn't ready to do so. It's only going to cause more pain down the road. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but there it is. Perhaps, if you employ a strict NC policy, she's going to miss you and maybe want to come back after she realizes she had a good thing with you. But, don't bank on that. Start to heal and move on.
Author Station88 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Dude, this girl is carrying a lot of baggage. She's got a lot of personal demons to work through and she's going to have to do it, you can't help her with that. You're just going to have to let this one go. She's making it her choice to end things. If she doesn't want to stay in a relationship, then you can't make her. It wouldn't be fair to her and it wouldn't be fair to you trying to make a girl commit to a relationship when she isn't ready to do so. It's only going to cause more pain down the road. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but there it is. Perhaps, if you employ a strict NC policy, she's going to miss you and maybe want to come back after she realizes she had a good thing with you. But, don't bank on that. Start to heal and move on. I didn't pressurise her in to staying with me. I told her that i will always love her no matter what and i will be there and do anything for her regardless. And that i let her go because i cared a lot for her and her happiness and she appreciated that a lot. She keeps in contact with me through texting now but it hurts me because i think of her in a special way and she knows i think of her in that way but she still keeps some sort of contact. I am planning to write her a letter soon to tell her that i miss her a lot and how the relationship was and how i enjoyed our time together and i was thinking to add the hint ofl that i will have a hope of being with her if she ever has a change of heart in the future. I know she won't get in to a relationship with anyone because the only one she had was a nightmare and she was pressured in to that one. She also said she doesn't love people very easily (due to her past experiences with her life, relationship as well as with her father) and it takes a long time for her to get to know someone and so, do you suggest just being friendly with her and hope that the attraction could once again rehash? Because, she was the one who initiated it (chased) and actually helped me with the process of asking her out. P.S - I made a mistake in the post she is actually 23.
deathandtaxes Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Any other thoughts? Move on. She ended it. She said she isn't comfortable with a bf. Go NC. Only interact with her as necessary at work.
Itspointless Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) She sounds like a difficult girl. When I was younger, I noticed that girls and her fathers are quite a common theme. She also was irritated with you quickly, think about that. You can better move on and stop contacting her. Sorry. Edited February 28, 2014 by Itspointless
David87 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Any other thoughts? Yes NC all the way, close the door and don't look back.
Author Station88 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Posted March 2, 2014 She sounds like a difficult girl. When I was younger, I noticed that girls and her fathers are quite a common theme. She also was irritated with you quickly, think about that. You can better move on and stop contacting her. Sorry. She would always hint about the future with me involved only after few weeks of being with her. She introduced me to her friends and she was the one who would always call me. I know she won't get in to another relationship because she told me that. I am just broken currently. And i am hoping there would be a chance again later on.
Itspointless Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 She would always hint about the future with me involved only after few weeks of being with her. She introduced me to her friends and she was the one who would always call me. I know she won't get in to another relationship because she told me that. I am just broken currently. And i am hoping there would be a chance again later on. It seems she has issues she needs to work on. I know it really is hard to say goodbye to dreams and a person you were really into, especially if they made the colors of the world more beautiful than you ever noticed before. I am very aware of that as I find that hard myself
TaraMaiden Posted March 2, 2014 Posted March 2, 2014 She would always hint about the future with me involved only after few weeks of being with her. She introduced me to her friends and she was the one who would always call me. I know she won't get in to another relationship because she told me that. I am just broken currently. And i am hoping there would be a chance again later on. You're not listening.... David87 and I have the No Contact Guide as our signatures. They're links, and i suggest you read the Guide, because you can keep throwing up all these little snippets and insights - our advice isn't going to change. It's over. give up, let it go, and move on, hun.
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