anne1707 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 What would you do next Anne? She's told you repeatedly what SHE would do, as have I. What do you think she'd do? What do you think we'd tell you to do? Exactly Owl. I have told you several times over. Are you really so determined to destroy your marriage Betsy that you refuse to listen?
Owl Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Exactly Owl. I have told you several times over. Are you really so determined to destroy your marriage Betsy that you refuse to listen? I don't think she's determined to destroy her marriage. I think she's determined to never accept true responsibility for her actions, nor for what she needs to do in order to rectify the situation. I think she's determined to avoid what she's done, avoid dealing with the damages done as a result, and would rather continue to risk her marriage (which she started doing with her affair) rather than ever consider dealing with the consequences of her actions and choices. She isn't determined to destroy her marriage...but she's willing to do so in order to avoid taking ownership of what she's done and taking steps to truly change the situation. She'll destroy her marriage as a consequence of her determination to avoid responsibility for it's demise. 1
violet1 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I've read ALL of your threads, but have never posted on them before. You keep going back to the same old sh#t. Until you block him and his wife completely out of your life, you'll never stop. You are addicted. This man for some reason is your drug. Why did you respond to his texts in the first place? Why does he have such a hold on you? Why would you have feelings for someone who ignores you? Now that I'm on my way out of the fog, affairs make no sense to me. I had a D Day though. If you confess your A to your H and his W, I bet the OM will stop contacting you. Or you can continue and get busted like I did. Your chicken, your choice.
jellybean89 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 what does "he blanked" me mean?? He ignored you?
Lillyfree Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 betsy, i believe that in order to sort out your mess you need to have a good think and be honest, completely honest, with yourself first. i've read your threads before, and finally think i have an idea what's going on: you get angry when you're ignored, and want to 'work on your marriage and stop the A'. yet all he needs to do is send one text and you're in it again. if that a*sehole said jump now, you would. you want to continue the A, and if he was any more willing you'd forget all about working on your M, your husband, his family. i don't think you're going to stop anything, unless he does or you have a Dday. i will be more than happy if you could prove me wrong.
krazikat Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I think as long as you keep telling yourself you can't help yourself you'll never move on. Block him. Block everything. You're as strong as you want to be You're as weak as you let yourself be. Seriously, one of the best things I have read here. And it can be applied to everyone "Your as strong as you want to be You're as weak as you let yourself be." Betsy I put off reading this thread because I knew what I was going to see and I didn't want to see it. So many here have spent so much time trying to help you but girl, the only one who can take action is you. You know this man is no good for you, yet you accept no control, no ownership still. Wake up while you still have time to wake up with your life as you know it... Or keep playing games with this dude and wake up with nothing...
anne1707 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 what does "he blanked" me mean?? He ignored you? Yes ................
anne1707 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Lillyfree I agree with you and I have posted as much before. But Betsy is in so much denial about all this. When she first started posting here and wanting to stop all this obsessing, they had not even kissed. But every time she came back it had escalated some more but I don't think there is a poster here who can understand why she sees so much in this man. He treats her like dirt and just plays games. Just as we can see she would jump if he asked, he does too. What are you going to do Betsy to stop this? And don't ask us what to do as you have been told this time and time again. You know what the advice is so what are you going to do about it? 1
Owl Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 What are you going to do Betsy to stop this? And don't ask us what to do as you have been told this time and time again. You know what the advice is so what are you going to do about it? The answer will be "The same thing I've been doing ever since I began posting here...nothing but wringing my hands and proclaiming how I don't know what to do and can't possibly change anything!...Please, tell me what I should do!". I think that the only hope for change in this situation will be literally for either his wife, or Betsy's H to walk in on Betsy and OM in the act. He won't tell, Betsy won't tell, and neither will stop what they're doing until they're caught. 2
Author Helen A Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 Lillyfree I agree with you and I have posted as much before. But Betsy is in so much denial about all this. When she first started posting here and wanting to stop all this obsessing, they had not even kissed. But every time she came back it had escalated some more but I don't think there is a poster here who can understand why she sees so much in this man. He treats her like dirt and just plays games. Just as we can see she would jump if he asked, he does too. What are you going to do Betsy to stop this? And don't ask us what to do as you have been told this time and time again. You know what the advice is so what are you going to do about it? I suppose the question I need to ask myself is when did I get so low as I have been? Like you've said I've acted such a doormat. I never used to be like this. The question is what's wrong with me?
Clay Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I don't think I would have used the word "Fried" for this Thread. You are clearly "Burnt". It does not sound like anything positive will come from anything you do at this point. You are never going to be able to fix yourself if you refuse to even listen to what these people are telling you. You are the only one that can start to fix you. We all can tell you these things but until you really do it and get it in your head your never going to change. I hope you at least try to have a open mind and get help. Clay 1
anne1707 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I suppose the question I need to ask myself is when did I get so low as I have been? Like you've said I've acted such a doormat. I never used to be like this. The question is what's wrong with me? so how are you going to find the answer to that question and what else are going to do to change the situation?
Author Helen A Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I was going fine anne, no I am fine. But then like you said I just seem to jump if he gets in touch with me and now that I replied and said loads of stuff I shouldn't I'm gutted. The no contact thing is the right way to go. Open no doors. There's no answers for me. I need time . I do know that I won't respond again even though I've sed that before, i MEAN it. I'm not going back to the mess that I was in last year.
anne1707 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Right well there you are saying nothing that you haven't said before. What are you going to do this time that is different? What are you going to do to make 100% sure this is over? It's a simple question but you keep avoiding answering it. 1
Author Helen A Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 Because I'm done Anne. Believe it or not I've been doing really well this year
TaraMaiden Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) I have hitherto refrained from contributing to your 'fried' thread, because otherwise you really would be.... I take it you've read 'The No Contact Guide' in my signature (link)...? If not, I would seriously suggest you start there... Copy, paste and print as many copies as you need to completely paper your living space plus several copies extra to hang in the smallest room, carry around with you or put on the fridge door. That way you have no excuses for slipping up. Not that you have any for your repeated slip-ups so far.... Edited February 28, 2014 by TaraMaiden
Author Helen A Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 Oh no say Tara I like your advice. I feel sick guys this week I have just argued with him and had no reply then and his wife has asked can we call up tommorow we haven't seen you for ages to my husband. And it has to be this week. After I spoke to him. I've been doing ok I've managed not to see them since December I feel ill I feel ashamed and sick I'm gonna have to sit here tmrw
anne1707 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Because I'm done Anne. Believe it or not I've been doing really well this year No I don't believe it. You have talked, texted, kissed,.... None of that says you have done good. I ask again. What are you going to do different this time?i
Author Helen A Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I want to text him and say I feel sick can you make an excuse your end not to come up tmrw. But that Wudnt be right wud it? And it's contacting him
Author Helen A Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I haven't kissed him this year Anne. I haven't seen them since December.
anne1707 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 But you kissed him in December. Stop playing this down Betsy. You are in this up to your neck. I ask again. What are you going to do? 1
Author Helen A Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 Anne I said sum crazy things this week told him how I felt And they're coming up my house tmrw!!!!!! I'm shamed
Anne Boleyn Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Betsy, you're human. You're not perfect. You're in an emotionally complex place, dealing with rough, conflicting feelings, trying to find your way. Stop beating yourself up. It won't make things better, easier, or solve any problems. Accept any mistakes you've made for what they are, see every day as a new chance to move forward in the way you want to. If you don't want to see them tomorrow... Don't. Cancel. Or find a reason to not be there. Or just say you can't do it, no explanation given. If you do want to see them, then see them, but prepare yourself for what it will do to you... Good or bad. And acknowledge that if you do see them, it's not because you had to, but you wanted to. I'm not going to jump on your case and beat you up for what you've done, you, and others here, are doing that quite enough already. But I will say that you should sit down and ask yourself, in all seriousness, what you want to do. Do you want to resume the affair? Do you want to let it go and move on to something else? If and when you can answer that question honestly, you'll be able to make your next move with a clear head, be it carry on or move on. And once that choice is made, how you go about it is up to you, not people on a forum or uninvolved spectators. Do what you need to do for you. 3
jellybean89 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) I haven't kissed him this year Anne. I haven't seen them since December. Betsy, It's only February 28 .... 59 days into "this tear" (2014). At the very least, acknowledge to yourself what you deep in your heart feel about him. Either jump into a relationship with him, and make sure you tell your spouse that you are having an affair, or stop this round-robin game of "chase me" (such as following each other on twitter...which isn't that what the teenagers do??? I am under the impression you are in your early 30's....) Either embrace being with him (either as an affair or as a divorced woman) or embrace letting go of him. But for heavens sake, tell your husband you are sick and don't want any company! If you choose to see him, then in my mind, you have made your decision to embrace being with him. I don't get why you are all in love/lust with him. Edited March 1, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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