Feelings for coworker

[runforafall]

So, recently a girl whom I used to work with at my previous place joined my new company (I've been there a few months now). We both know some people from the previous place who are also at the new company. The new person and I didn't have much interaction at our old place and I didn't feel anything towards her whatsoever then, but since she joined we started talking/emailing/going to the shop or bar for a drink on a frequent basis. Sometimes this is as a group with our mutual acquaintances from my old place, and sometimes it's just the two of us.

 

Somewhat annoyingly, I have started to develop feelings for her that go beyond the realms of coworkers, however I'm not sure what to do about it. If she's interested, I'd take the gamble and run with it (I understand office romances are risky, but I'm willing to take that risk as we're in different teams so work-related interaction is fairly minimal), but without any signs of interest it could be absolutely mortifying to make a move and get knocked back given that I still see her on a daily basis and we have mutual acquaintances. When we're emailing or out together by ourselves, no escalation has happened; just fun banter.

 

So what do I do about this situation? How can I find out whether there is any degree of interest on her part with more certainty that would justify the risk it would be to make a move on her?

Edited February 27, 2014 by runforafall

[Assasda]

Get a little more cheeky in your jokes, see how she reacts to them.

 

You might want to ask her to go someplace that kinda off the clock

[LEEVIT2F8]

Which ones of the following does she do?

 

Actively saves the conversation during lulls?

Lick or bite her lips, or frequently apply lip gloss etc?

Play with her hair when she talking to you?

Steals glances across the room?

Shows up in your area for no specific reason?

Giggle or laugh too hard at your jokes?

Touches you repeatedly during conversations?

Compliments your looks, smell, or style?

Asking fishing questions about girlfriend?

Wants to introduce you to friends of hers?

Tries to show off a little for you or impress you?

When you talk about hobbies etc does she always want to learn how to do that?

Invent reasons to sit or be close to you?

 

And be honest. Nothing like she had chapped lips one day and put on gloss shes totally into me!!

[JungleLover]

I know this may seem like an "easier" one but I would leave this as it is and not try to force something out of it. In these situations such as yours when you are not dating someone and maybe on a cold streak, it seems easier and safer for your ego to pounce on these opportunities and try to stir them into a romantic situation but I would proceed with caution.

 

I would proceed with caution for the same reason you mentioned. I am sure there are many stories out there of coworkers hitting it off but there are many, many more of ones that don't and you are left with an awkward situation.

 

I have learned over the years that sometimes it's just best to appreciate certain relationships for what they are. For example, I have lived in quite a few cities and every city I have lived in, there would be times where a group of my friends, brothers and male cousins would come up to visit me. I would plan a big social event at my place and try to call up some female friends so my buddies could enjoy the company of women while they were there but I would realize that I didn't have many. I didn't have many because I always tried to eventually get in bed with the women I socialized with, coworkers that was very friendly or chase down every twinkle in a woman's eye whenever I was single.

 

My point here is that it may be more strategic and satisfying in the long run to just not push this one and accept the relationship you have with your coworker for what it is. These sort of platonic relationships can be very satisfying as is but extremely awkward if one person doesn't feel the same way as the other.

 

In a work situation, unless the signals are crystal clear, I would avoid making a move because the situation is, again, often awkward afterward. If you two go out for a drink one day and as you are dropping her off, you two just start to kiss, fine, but in general, don't crap where you sleep. These sayings have not made it into our culture for no reason.