Gemini x Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 So, I broke NC a week ago because going cold turkey was harder on me than actually talking to my ex and trying to get some closure. Anyway, we chatted a little bit and I found out that he isn't with anyone else, nor is he ready for a relationship right now (neither am I) and is working basically 'round the clock. He has a new job where he works almost 12/hr shifts 6-7 days a week and is on emergency call 24/7. He's working so much his mind probably hasn't even been on the BU. He did say he loves me but we left it at that. Anyway, we don't have plans of getting back together right now but I do feel better after speaking with him. Apparently the fights were too much to bare and he chose to walk away. He thought it was better to get out before we started hating each other. Will we end up back together in the future? I really have no idea but I'm content with where I am right now. We aren't really talking but things were left on good terms this time rather than prior to breaking NC. I'm actually doing okay. I'm not checking my phone, nor stalking him anywhere. If he texts, he does. If he doesn't, it's no big deal. At one point after our BU, I thought I was dying. I really thought I was dying a slow painful death. I cried nonstop. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I thought of killing myself but didn't want to put my family through the pain I was currently feeling. I felt like the walking dead. There was no emotion on my face. It was blank. There was no life in my eyes. I felt like my physical body was just roaming the earth with no soul behind it. I thought it'd last forever - but it doesn't. Looking at my ex now doesn't feel the same as it did 2 weeks ago. I still love and miss him but it's not the same. I accepted that I had to let go and in doing so I'm doing much better. No matter how hard you try you can't make someone love you nor be with you - and even if you did, it wouldn't be genuine. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't feel the same. I'm rambling now I guess. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who was here for me when I was breaking down. It's still going to take time to be fully over him but I have definitely reached a point of indifference. It may not feel like it right now but everyone is going to be okay. I knew once I put my mind to it I'd bounce back a lot faster. I no longer have hope of us getting back together. And, thinking about him moving on still hurts, of course, but NOTHING like it once did. That's how I know I'm going to be okay.
David87 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 With all do respect you haven't reached indifference yet, but you'll get there. I think that you are doing`ok` now because you talked to him and you're kind of in good terms. ( you still have a little hope of getting back together)
barky2 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 First off no duckfaces allowed on LS! Lol jk The thing wrong now is, you'll start wanting more. You'll start to crave talking to him. It's an addiction that has to be broken. You got your fix now feel ok. Then it'll start to wear off, and that's when the cravings will start. Break the chain. Barky
Musing Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Hey Gemini, I kind of agree with the others. I do believe you feel better and maybe got a little extra closure on the subject that you got to talk to him, however, I think you're also feeling good because you got to talk to him at all. NC is a real struggle for awhile, the farther away you get from an ex because it's not just them saying "I don't want to be with you", but it is putting that into motion and making it a lot more real. But if you stick with it til the bitter end, and go through those powerful emotions, you'll see that you'd feel even better than you do now because you'd have gone through those hard moments without the help of your ex and are stronger for it. That's the thing - you grow stronger only if you get through the worst points without breaking. What will happen in a few weeks from now and you really don't hear from your ex again? You're looking now through your current vantage point, that you'll be okay because you feel okay now. Talking to your ex might have given you (subconsciously) some hope. Like Barky said, you need to break the cycle of talking to him and let him become a stranger so you can reach genuine indifference. If you were at that point, you wouldn't have reached out to him at all. Just be careful. 2
Tulipsgold Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) Had the same thing happening for me. Right after new years me and the ex had a phone conversation, it wasn't a great one and I regret some of the things I said deeply. I told him I was in so much pain and didn't know I could miss some one so much. Typing this really makes me cringe. I'm normally sooooo good at playing it cool, but somehow this time I thought f*ck it, I'm going to just tell the truth. I felt soooo relieved afterwards. Thought whatever he is going to do now, I don't care anymore, I said my peace. For 2 weeks I felt so strong, it felt I was over him. As if I wanted to deal with somebody who shut down the moment I told him I missed him. But then... oh then, as if out of the blue, it felt as if my heart broke even more. I started crying again, I started feeling those waves of undescribable sadness. And the worst part? All those memories came flooding in like a kaleidoscope that would never stop. Don't force yourself to get to that point of indifference, because you want it so badly. I think that it will take a very long time. Give your grief time to completely leave your body and soul. Tell yourself that it is okay to feel lonely and vulnerable, cause how could you not? I think you have to go through and embrace all the miserable feelings and stages that come with a break-up, and absolute NC is a very important one in that, before you can actually get to that point of being indifferent. Edited March 1, 2014 by Tulipsgold 1
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