CazK1988 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I met a beautiful girl online and so far we've been talking for 1.5 months. We've hung about 8 times, mostly outings (movies, museums, dinner), and it was not until recently she invited me to come over her house where we watched Netflix, played cards and had pizza. She tells me all the time that she enjoys hanging out with me and is always looking forward to the next time. Sometimes early in the week we make a plan to hang out the following weekend. The first time I went over her house we had a small talk about each other's intentions of having an online dating experience. She briefly talked about her previous relationship (of 7 years) and how it was off and on before she left Florida where the relationship was where she went to school. She said upfront that she deleted the person on her social media sites, and severed all ties and contact. She seemed very honest. She then said she's eventually looking for a relationship but wants to take things slow and see where they go. She said she's been focused a lot on school (she's working on her Master's in Public Health and wants to get her PhD soon). She said when she ran across my page, she was immediately attracted to me and liked my interests. I then told her I really liked her too, and we both seem to have mutual connections...we both are ambitious about our career, goals, etc., and we both seem to intellectually match. I worry about the intimate connection though. At one moment I asked her what she looks for in a guy; she said smart, goal oriented, driven, etc., but then I said to her I noticed that she mentions qualities she wants a guy to have, but does not mention what she'd like a guy to do for her. When I asked her that she froze because she could not answer. And she didn't, and seemed embarrassed because thats a question she should answer right off. To me, I can tell she had been hurt before and maybe is trying to "go slow" because she wants to avoid getting hurt (??) Anyway, the part that recently bothered me is that she still has an active online dating account, and logs on occasionally. My thing is, if she appears to be really into me, and wants to get to know me better like she said, why would she be on the dating sites? At the same time, she always looks forward to hanging out, we text everyday just about and we both are into this show called ‘The Following’ where we both talk about our opinions on what may happen next. I really like the girl, and I think I’m doing everything right. She recently added me on Instagram (somehow she found me, I don’t know how) and when I added her, it took her a day or two to accept my request, and I realized that she had deleted a couple pictures before she added me…which I thought was strange. But anyway, I saw a picture she had uploaded of the Valentine’s gift I had given her, and her friends commented on it. So, to me it’s a strange, interesting beginning relationship. Which is why I call it uncertainty, but optimistic. We have held hands, cuddled each other, but I have not kissed her yet because I don’t want to seem pushy, but trust me, this weekend I will be kissing that girl! But am I doing things right? Should I take it slow too? Should I make a move?!
OhThatGirl Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 For crying out loud, kiss her already. You can't really expect she will be off of the dating site by now. You've held her hand. That's the extent of your physical intimacy. I wouldn't put all my eggs in that basket either! What if you kiss and it's an eye opener to how little chemistry there is?! See how the kiss goes, see how she reacts the following few days. It's a great sign she posted a picture of her Valentines Day gift. It's entirely normal for her to delete pictures. I delete ones I don't like, have exes in them, bizarre comments, etc that I don't want a new romantic interest to see. It's perfectly fine. Any chance she could be logging on to see if you're still logging on? Even if she isn't, don't worry. Sometimes we just need to have our eyes open in case this falls through. It's still early. If the physical side of things catch up, consider having a talk about being exclusive. Just give it a couple more weeks (maybe another 3 weeks or so) Til then just enjoy it. You're obviously keeping her attention. OLD doesn't present a huge number of guys we make it to 8 dates with. Keep it going. 1
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 It is boggling to me how you get 8 dates in without a kiss. I've seen this type of post so frequently. These girls must be developing complexes at this point. They are wondering what is wrong with them that this great guy doesn't even try to kiss them. There is taking it slow and then there is paralysis. Get a move on kid! Life is for the living. If you want this girl then claim her like a man. 3
Assasda Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I think youre playing it JUST RIGHT. The only problem I think is here is THE QUESTIONS. Dont ask girls emotional questions. Leave the question asking to her. YOu just Psych yourself out with what you think you know about her past
Author CazK1988 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 OK, So I'm just curious why do girls say they want to take it slow when they really don't? Is this their way in saying they don't want to jump into sex right away? I know I was slow with kissing her and I will this Saturday, but I didn't want to push her too much..but as we are getting closer it seems, it's about the right time! I do have one question though, is it a problem we don't talk that much on the phone but mostly text? We talked maybe 2 or 3 times on the phone throughout these 1.5 months and to me she seems kinda nervous or hesitant to talk on the phone with a guy but talks to her girlfriends on the phone alot. Also mostly she texts me in the evening after work and after her gym workouts. No problem here right?
OhThatGirl Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 OK, So I'm just curious why do girls say they want to take it slow when they really don't? Is this their way in saying they don't want to jump into sex right away? I know I was slow with kissing her and I will this Saturday, but I didn't want to push her too much..but as we are getting closer it seems, it's about the right time! I do have one question though, is it a problem we don't talk that much on the phone but mostly text? We talked maybe 2 or 3 times on the phone throughout these 1.5 months and to me she seems kinda nervous or hesitant to talk on the phone with a guy but talks to her girlfriends on the phone alot. Also mostly she texts me in the evening after work and after her gym workouts. No problem here right? If I had to guess why a girl says she wants to take it slow I'd say it can be deciphered as "please don't get clingy or misread my interest in you." The sexiest thing a man can do is accurately gauge our interest and put in a similar amount of effort. If she's on the fence about you she may say she wants to take it slow so you aren't trying to dry hump her while she's still just wondering if she can get past your habit of slurping your coffee (just an example.) It's a "please don't throw yourself at me, let's move at a pace I'm comfortable with until I know I like you and I'm sure you're a decent guy" kind of thing. I talk to my mom and my best friend on the phone. I can talk to them for an hour and not notice the time go by but when I'm dating someone, I'm not a big phone talker.. Especially in the beginning. I don't know why. I just find it a little bit odd and uncomfortable. I'd much rather text or hang out in person. That being said, I dated someone for a year that started out with most communication by text and for whatever reason it continued through the entire relationship. Rarely did we ever TALK and it started to irritate me. We would have serious conversations through text and I hated it. He was severely conflict avoidant though so it worked for him. I'd say as things progress maybe start to call more often instead of text. It's a very convenient thing to just send someone a text but eventually as people become more involved phone conversations are better. Maybe give her a call once or twice a week but have something to talk to her about and don't drag it out. The guy sets the tone for frequency and level of contact. She may be waiting for you to start calling more often.
Chocolat Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 OK, So I'm just curious why do girls say they want to take it slow when they really don't? Is this their way in saying they don't want to jump into sex right away? I know I was slow with kissing her and I will this Saturday, but I didn't want to push her too much..but as we are getting closer it seems, it's about the right time! Take it slow means no sex on date 3, no declarations of love at the end of month 2, or whatever. It does NOT mean no kiss for 8 dates! Geez. 4
BradJacobs Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I really like the girl, and I think I’m doing everything right. I was about to advise you that you weren't but then I got to thinking about it and you just might be doing everything perfectly. It's not what I would do but then again I'm not you and I'm not dating the girl in your story. Have the courage to be yourself and everything will work out like it's supposed to.
Gaeta Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 You did not give her any reasons to delete her profile yet. 8 dates and no kiss I would have friendzoned you by now. It's time for you to take this to the next level and kiss her!!
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