brokeNlost Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) My ex just call me twice a few minutes ago, I didn't pick up. After 5 months since the break up and nearly 2 months of NC.. why is she calling me? She left me for another guy and broke my heart into a million pieces... I'm already struggling each day to forget and let her go.. I'm so confused as what to do next. Should I call her back or should I ignore it????? There are so many thoughts running through my head right now like 1. is she calling to see how I'm doing or 2. to tell me how happy she is without me or (she the type of girl that like to brag) 3. to invite me to her wedding (because she did told me she planning on getting married with him) 4. is she calling to use me for emotional support because she having a fight with her new bf? (this already happen before I was forced to go into NC) Man, why must she call me right when I'm starting to pick myself up.. Edited February 27, 2014 by brokeNlost
Tripz Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Sometimes I wish I'd get a little something from my ex. But nada, zip, zilch unless it's to pick my son up or when I drop him off each week. I hate that I'm the one paying for her lifestyle and probably some of her BF's, too, while I try to maintain sanity, my business, my week with my son, keep my house from foreclosing, etc. She gets to have her cake and eat it and SHE was the one that strayed, cheated, ruined my life. Where is this so called Karma BS? It's well overdue... I don't really have anything for you, just reading your post made me realize how mad I am at her right now. How totally unfair this crap is, when all I ever was trying to do was work my azz off to make her happy.
StGeorge22 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I'd call her back, but act indifferent. If she is calling begging to take you back, you have a decision to make. It it's just a "just seeing how you are" I'd be polite but say that really isn't her concern anymore and leave the convo. Don't call until you are calm and keep your expectations low Good luck!
Zahara Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Don't call her back. Stay NC. It's not worth derailing yourself if she has nothing to tell you or worst of all, is the kind of person that may want to rub it in your face. If it was important, she would have left you a message. And if it is important, she will reach out again. And the last thing you do is jump and respond just because she called. She left you for another guy. She doesn't get to call you out of the blue and expect you to be there when she needs to talk to you. She has to do a whole lot more than hanging up twice. 10
realfriends Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Don't call her back. She's just looking to relieve guilt or make sure that she can use you as a backup plan. Stay strong and heal. We will all get through this. No need to set yourself back this far in.
wergotproblems Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 this happened to me today as well. my ex, who has a new bf, texted me saying that when she closes her eyes, all she thinks is me. YEAHHHH..no im not gonna respond. unless it's concrete (i mean like "i want you back") then i might respond. then again, she left me for another dude, so maybe not. haha
freebird31 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 this has happened to me. dont call back. of course I at the time, felt like I needed to call back because I thought that there was a chance that my ex had called for reconciliation. I was so wrong. It was actually to call that he had found a pet cat in the park -____- and wanted to know if I wanted it. (Kinda funny looking back on it.) but the point is he just used it as an excuse to just talk with me. Guess he missed me. But not enough to want to be with me again. Maybe she misses you. But dude if she wants to be with you, she will let it be known. If it is important she will leave a message. TRUST me. from my own personal experience. Just ignore. She will try again if it is important. Dont give her what she wants. Becuase it will hurt you. It will set you back, trust me. 1
Author brokeNlost Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) thank you all for your advice. I been down this road before and it didn't turn out well for me and also set me back drastically. I will ignore it, if it was really important she would find a way to reach out to me. Edited February 27, 2014 by brokeNlost 4
Author brokeNlost Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) :sigh: here it is, she called again.. this is starting to make me nervous. I don't know why but every time she calls my heart races. I'm tempted to pick up and ask her what she want but too afraid of getting a setback Edited February 28, 2014 by brokeNlost
Simon Phoenix Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 :sigh: here it is, she called again.. this is starting to make me nervous. I don't know why but every time she calls my heart races. I'm tempted to pick up and ask her what she want but too afraid of getting a setback Ignore it and block the number. If it was important she'd leave a message at the very least. But yeah, if her calling is freaking you out, then you are in no position to talk to her. 1
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 :sigh: here it is, she called again.. this is starting to make me nervous. I don't know why but every time she calls my heart races. I'm tempted to pick up and ask her what she want but too afraid of getting a setback Do not answer. If you've been on here long enough you'd have read the many people that entertained contact only to be hurt in the end. If it's important she'll leave a message. I know you won't block her number. So, ignore. And if you're so stressed about it, even more reason to ignore.
Author brokeNlost Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 Do not answer. If you've been on here long enough you'd have read the many people that entertained contact only to be hurt in the end. If it's important she'll leave a message. I know you won't block her number. So, ignore. And if you're so stressed about it, even more reason to ignore. you're right I won't block her number. In the back of my mind, I think she having problems with her new bf and looking for somebody for emotional support and in this case, me. I dated her for over 4 years I know her personality... I'm just afraid that she might commit suicide (she have in the past threaten to commit suicide)
BC1980 Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I know it's hard not to answer. It would be hard for me too, but I do think she would at least text what she wanted it were that important. If people can get up the nerve to break it off after 4 years, I'm sure she can chase you down if she wants you back. 1
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) you're right I won't block her number. In the back of my mind, I think she having problems with her new bf and looking for somebody for emotional support and in this case, me. I dated her for over 4 years I know her personality... I'm just afraid that she might commit suicide (she have in the past threaten to commit suicide) She's not your responsibility. She has family, friends and a new boyfriend. Your concern is moving on with your life. She made decisions as to how she would like to run hers and that was to exclude you from it. You don't become father, guardian, savior, friend, rescuer just because she needs it when she needs it. And you don't derail yourself at the expense of someone else, especially someone that showed no loyalty and care for you. You can't be there to catch her everytime she's suicidal. She needs to take charge of her own life, and so do you. At some point, you had/have to let go. Edited February 28, 2014 by Zahara
Author brokeNlost Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 I'm contemplating to send her a text telling her to leave me alone. "There’s no need for you to contact me anymore. If you’re looking to relieve your guilt, don’t bother, I’m not even angry anymore nor do I hold any grudges. I have moved on from this, so you should too. I wish you much luck and success in your relationship and life. Goodbye." good or bad idea?
Never Again Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 Silence speaks louder. Don't say a word. 1
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I'm contemplating to send her a text telling her to leave me alone. "There’s no need for you to contact me anymore. If you’re looking to relieve your guilt, don’t bother, I’m not even angry anymore nor do I hold any grudges. I have moved on from this, so you should too. I wish you much luck and success in your relationship and life. Goodbye." good or bad idea? Bad. Stop doing this to yourself. You don't need to tell her she's off the hook! What's wrong with you? If you have moved on from this, then you don't have to announce it. Silence is an indicator that you don't care and that you have moved on.
Author brokeNlost Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 Bad. Stop doing this to yourself. You don't need to tell her she's off the hook! What's wrong with you? If you have moved on from this, then you don't have to announce it. Silence is an indicator that you don't care and that you have moved on. This may be a stupid question but, why shouldn't I tell her she's off the hook? considering that I want both of us to leave on good terms... like no regrets no anger..
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 This may be a stupid question but, why shouldn't I tell her she's off the hook? considering that I want both of us to leave on good terms... like no regrets no anger.. So, you would like to alleviate her of her guilt and wrongdoing because you're the wonderful person that you are, the nice guy that is so kind and forgiving that he's willing to set his ex free from any burdens she may be feeling so that there's no anger, regrets or guilt? How sweet. If you wanted to move on with no anger and regrets, you would focus on NC, focus on your healing and get to that point for yourself and not for anybody else, and especially not for someone that wronged you. It's not your responsibility to be accountable for her actions. You broke up. There are no good terms. If you want to be on good terms, then you can reach out and declare it to her when you have really moved on with your life -- because then you'd actually mean it. Stop acting like a doormat. She doesn't deserve anything from you. Stop finding loopholes to make contact. Dumpees who want to resolve with the dumper even when they've been wronged, with kind and nice words only do it because they want to look like the nice guy -- look, see what you're missing out on, the nice, kind, understanding guy that you left, he is so forgiving and sweet, you would be a fool not to take that back, why would you not want it back? 2
Orangecrush55 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Please dont respond. Ive responded before and totally know the feeling of damn near having a heat attack when their number pops up on your phone but dont say anything. Like numerous people on here have said. If its super important she will leave a voicemail/send a text. Dont worry about letting her off the hook! Screw that! Unless she keeps on calling and calling and then leaves messages letting you know what she wants...then I would answer. Just depends on you at that point. If you think it could work then shoot try it. I know I have tons of times and of those times we lasted a little longer but eventually it ended again. If its not what you want then please dont be concerned with letting her off any kind of hook. Like someone said Silence says a lot more than any words possibly could if thats the route you choose to take. You talking to her gives her the power over you back.... 1
BC1980 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 You broke up. There are no good terms. If you want to be on good terms, then you can reach out and declare it to her when you have really moved on with your life -- because then you'd actually mean it. Exactly. There are no good terms. All this stuff people say about an amicable breakup, leaving it on good terms. . . . it's BS.
Author brokeNlost Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 (edited) thanks for the feedback guys. She finally left me a voicemail which goes something like this "hey, just wanna see how you're doing but you don't have to call me back" what the hell is that? calling me nonstop for the past 3 days and she just wanna see how I'm doing. She call me like 3 times tonight, now is she trying to relieve her guilty or is she using that as an excuse to try to get me to break NC? Edited March 1, 2014 by brokeNlost
Winter blue Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 thanks for the feedback guys. She finally left me a voicemail which goes something like this "hey, just wanna see how you're doing but you don't have to call me back" what the hell is that? calling me nonstop for the past 3 days and she just wanna see how I'm doing. She call me like 3 times tonight, now is she trying to relieve her guilty or is she using that as an excuse to try to get me to break NC? Like you said, it is exactly about her to relieve her own guilt. She said you don't have to call her back, do exactly what said. Don't call back. Just treat it as an ego boost and keep moving on.
Zahara Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 thanks for the feedback guys. She finally left me a voicemail which goes something like this "hey, just wanna see how you're doing but you don't have to call me back" what the hell is that? calling me nonstop for the past 3 days and she just wanna see how I'm doing. She call me like 3 times tonight, now is she trying to relieve her guilty or is she using that as an excuse to try to get me to break NC? This is the thing. Whenever contact is made, the dumpee will torment themselves trying to figure out why contact has been made all because they're still emotionall affected. To the dumpee, contact must mean something. To the dumper, who is emotionally unattached, contact means nothing other than 1) a simple curiosity as to how the dumpee is doing 2) hoping to be friendly 3) trying to get a feel if the dumpee is over the anger so they can feel like the good guy 4) hoping to use you. All reasons don't work in your favor. Stay NC. You can break your brain trying to figure it out, her voicemail is pretty straightforward. 3
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