Girl with mostly guy friends

[Phoe]

Really? Wear something low cut and flirt with them. Please report back.

 

So many of your guy friends are taken. If men and women were truly adept at being just friends, barriers like marriage and kids wouldn't be necessary.

 

It wouldn't matter whether or not a female friend were married...

 

 

 

As someone who is taken, with male friends who are also taken, it would be incredibly inappropriate, unwarranted, and unwanted to flirt with said friends, not to mention a stupid way to ruin a perfectly good friendship.

 

 

I don't want drama.

[Rita86]

It always saddens me to see women buy into the girls (as a gender) are too catty therefore i'd rather be friends with men.

 

Surround yourselves with better women or question your own motives instead of ****ting down on an entire gender. By saying women in general are too catty you also putting yourselves down.

Sad really.

[Shepp]

The general point I was making, is that you were her friend, and you wanted her for more than a friend.

 

My gf is an attractive gal and I notice guys checking her out sometimes and I don't care. If she had guy friends that she hung around frequently that wanted her? I wouldn't like it. I don't consider myself particularly insecure, or controlling, or even jealous.

 

I wouldn't let the fox into the henhouse and tell the farmer to stop being insecure about his chickens either.

 

I understand that, I would understand a guy feeling that way, I'd understand OP feeling that way on the surface if there's a guy you know is into her and she's spending as much time with him as my girlfriend used to with me.

I wouldn't be happy in that situation, I don't want her spending more time with anyone than she does with me for one thing. And ESPECIALLY not in the position I was because we was always pushing the boundaries of just friends.

 

But when is it ever that clear cut?

Like I say my girlfriend turns heads...she got hit on by the coffee shop guy the other day when she took my nan for coffee!

But no ones gonna tell me "Alfie I'm after your girl" - I'd have them on a run to Mexico!

Likewise before I was going out with her lads would tell me like she was attractive but too much of a firecracker for them.

Most of our mates are mutual and I know they're solid, they wouldn't make a move on my girl, her mates...how do I know where they sit, if they like her, if they don't - I dunno, so you have to just go off what you do know and that's that I trust my girlfriend! And that we've got something good together and she chooses to be with me and to raise our boys together and that I choose the same.

No dude will make her chuck that away so I haven't got anything to sweat on!

[Els]

And that we've got something good together and she chooses to be with me and to raise our boys together and that I choose the same.

No dude will make her chuck that away so I haven't got anything to sweat on!

 

Yes, this. This is the crux of the issue, and the reason secure people with healthy Rs typically have no problems with their partner just having friends. If the sole thought of one's partner having opposite sex friends raises so much worry (without even bothering to consider circumstances, behaviour, or history), they'd be better off looking inside their relationship or themselves to see what is wrong. Rather than trying to eliminate all possible 'options' of cheating. Because frankly, unless you lock someone up day and night or hire a 24/7 PI, if they want to cheat, they are going to.

 

...No, the last sentence was not a suggestion, guys.

[hotpotato]

 

 

As someone who is taken, with male friends who are also taken, it would be incredibly inappropriate, unwarranted, and unwanted to flirt with said friends, not to mention a stupid way to ruin a perfectly good friendship.

 

 

I don't want drama.

 

It will complicate the friendship because they will probably say yes...

[Shepp]

Yes, this. This is the crux of the issue, and the reason secure people with healthy Rs typically have no problems with their partner just having friends. If the sole thought of one's partner having opposite sex friends raises so much worry (without even bothering to consider circumstances, behaviour, or history), they'd be better off looking inside their relationship or themselves to see what is wrong. Rather than trying to eliminate all possible 'options' of cheating. Because frankly, unless you lock someone up day and night or hire a 24/7 PI, if they want to cheat, they are going to.

 

...No, the last sentence was not a suggestion, guys.

I like this post, I agree...

 

Maybe its arrogance, arrogance that makes me think she'd have to be an idiot to cheat on me and she's not an idiot

Or maybe I just project my own views of cheating, in that I'm solidly against it and tbh can't get my head around why anyone does it, onto everyone else in my life, her included.

 

But either way I believe i'm enough of a catch tp deserve a girl who doesn't cheat on me because she doesn't want to cheat on me, not one who doesn't cheat on me because I run round like a herdsdog trying to keep other blokes away.....it makes no difference anyway, whether she'd cheat with a guy shes mates with or cheat with the postman - either way its the same outcome and either way she stuck the knife in....I want to go through life with a girl who's always got my back, not one where I have to keep looking over my shoulder.

 

And y'know I firmly believe in my girlfriend that she is that.....relationships are always a leap of faith, blind faith sometimes, but faith all the same. I asked my girlfriend so many times to take one on me and that I wouldn't let her down - and she did, and that's massive! How can I tell her to jump and then hold back myself? I'm a lot of things but not a hypocrite. At some point you just have to put your trust in someone and hope you chose wise!

 

So then...it really doesn't matter if my girlfriend keeps girl or guy mates other than the fact that she gets on with my buddies and that its damn sexy when she's the only girl that comes to play paintball with me and the lads!

[hotpotato]

Case in point - my "work husband". We are close buddies, he has been very supportive when I was going through some troubles last year - he was awesome, in fact. Before he went away for Christmas, he sat me down and asked me was I going to be ok while he was away, and did I have people to talk to?

 

He's married. I wouldn't go there sexually for a million dollars. He is my friend. One of my best. So... nuts to people who think you can't do it.

Why does he have to be married? Why are barriers necessary?

 

 

 

 

Yep. It's actually pretty common. I'm not sure why people are assuming that it's so difficult to maintain opposite sex friendships with boundaries. It really isn't.

 

Biology!?!!

 

But once again (oh my Lord) - if she has no intention of sleeping with those guys and can drink and socialise without any complications, why is how much they want to screw her relevant? SHE CAN SAY NO.

 

Jesus Christ...

 

Not every guy is going to be fine with a bunch of orbiters hanging around his gf.

Guy grinds will still hang around in hopes of mate poaching. The success rate of orbiters goes up with alcohol and when the primary relationship starts to have problems.

 

 

All my male friends wanted to date me/still want to.

 

I have stopped seeing one of them because it was too obvious that he was attracted to me/wanted to date me (even though he knows I have a boyfriend and has met my boyfriend a few times).

 

Guy one (not the same guy I mentioned above who I have stopped hanging out with) he is 45 I am 27. We met when I was newly single and needed an ego boost (he is good looking). We talked, he asked me out on a date. I declined when I realised how old he was.

We became good friends and he now refers to me as his "sister". We are very platonic.

Although a few months back when I broke up with a short term fling, he said " Leigh, I don't seriously consider dating women beyond casual, but with you it would be different; let me know if you ever change your mind about me. I would be open to a relationship with you"

And that was it. Late last year in early October it was.

Since then he hasn't alluded to any sort of sexual or romantic interest and he has never once been inappropriate.

I haven't stopped being his friend because he is funny and I like hanging out with him a lot and I know he would be there for me in times of need.

 

I have another male friend who, when I was single, asked if I would ever consider dating him. I said no.

He has never mentioned anything like it since.

He is never inappropriate. He gets it loud and clear that we are FRIENDS.

 

Then there is an older guy I have been good friends with since 2009 ish. We have NEVER had a sexual undertone or history whatsoever and never will.

He is the ONLY male friend who has NEVER alluded to being sexually open to me.

 

 

 

 

I am not all that when it comes to looks, so it is not like I am some hot babe who all the guys think is sexy; I am just a VERY typical example of a girl who cannot really have ANY male friends who are merely platonic with me.

My friend who is stunning looking can't have male friends; they fall hard for her because her beauty is obviously too over powering.

 

Her only male friend is gay.

 

She literally has no male friends besides the gay one. The guys she tried friendship with were too attracted to her to contain their sexual innuendoes.

 

Finally, another female who is realistic about male and female friendships.

 

You are doing better than me. I can't even be friends with older guys. I've found that guys in there 50s and up still come with the same outbursts as the younger ones.

 

Gay men are the way to go.

 

I could be more successful with guy friends if I found some I were sexually/romantically interested in, but what kind of friendship is that. Maybe I could have luck with men who were extremely happily married, but if men and women could so easily be friends such a barrier wouldn't be necessary.

[acrosstheuniverse]

That's a difficult question to answer when alcohol is involved.

 

Are you sure your BF had no issue with you going to Mike's or was he just saying that so he wouldn't come across as worried and controlling. If he had told you that he didn't feel comfortable with you going to that event without him, how would you have reacted?

 

I've never been unfaithful even when intoxicated, and I rarely ever get 'drunk' any more anyway... on this occasion I think I had a couple glasses of wine. When I got back to Mike's he wanted to stay up and jam with a beer but I was so tired from all of the travelling I went to bed.

 

I'm 99% sure he really did have no issue, we've only been seeing each other since mid-January but he really doesn't seem the jealous type at all. I don't know how I'd have reacted on this occasion as I wouldn't have had anywhere else to stay for the gig and I genuinely couldn't afford a hotel room in the capital city alone for afterwards. If he'd have had a major problem with it I would have discussed it and hopefully reached an agreement, whatever that would be, who knows? The event was planned long before we got together and he'll be meeting this friend in a month or two himself when we go to a gig all together. We've discussed a little already that we want each other to be open about stuff however difficult it is, so I really hope that if he did feel weird about it he could let me know, but people often put their best faces on in new relationships. The stuff I did to try and make it less weird was keep in touch with him via text while I was out there, and I texted him once I got into bed all snug telling him how the gig was and that I wished he was there (which is true). I'd have called him if he wanted me to, which I'd be unlikely to do if I was about to get railed by another dude

 

He is a musician himself and often crashes on sofas outta town, he'll play gigs in random cities and ask the crowd if anyone will let him stay on their sofa afterwards (tongue in cheek... if not he just sleeps in the venue or wanders around until the train home the next day) so he sometimes ends up staying over at men's houses, women's houses, people I've never met or heard of. I don't mind, I trust that if he wanted to cheat he would do, hell he could tell me he's staying in a hotel alone then go back to a fan's house for all I know. My personal line is that sleeping in the same bed as somebody else is not okay and he is in agreement on that one. There was a single bed in Mike's room and a single in a spare room, and in some ways it would have been more appropriate for me to stay in the bed in his room because my male friend who accompanied me didn't know Mike at all before that night and I wondered if it was weird to make them share a room when I've known Mike eight years. But that was a fleeting consideration and I knew I wanted my own room so I took the spare.

 

I'm really quite understanding and accommodating, I dated a guy for four years who was so jealous and controlling he didn't want me going out wearing a skirt or going swimming or seeing a male gynae, it was an awful way to live, going out in jeans when all my friends wore dresses, feeling horribly guilty when I saw a male gynae because I desperately needed the appt and the female I requested wasn't there. Since that guy I've been a lot more aware of the things I will and won't do for somebody's insecurities, but on the whole I'm very caring and understanding so if someone I was really into had a problem with anything, anything at all, I'd hope they felt they could talk to me about it to reach a resolution. I wouldn't really judge them for feeling that way because I've had my own jealousies and insecurities myself, I know what it's like, and most of the time I value my partner's happiness over doing one particular action or another, it's just when it carries on over time and builds up a pattern of becoming controlling I watch out for.

[Shepp]

Why does he have to be married? Why are barriers necessary?

I don't get what you mean by why do people have to be married?

 

You don't get married to put up a barrier between you and your opposite sex friends.....its hardly a force field anyway by the statistics.

 

Marriage is about lots of things one being commitment sure but not you could just as easily say your putting a barrier up between you and the opposite sex person on the bus as you could about your best opposite sex friends.

 

After all otherwise only people with friends of the other sex would get married? :confused: