Girl with mostly guy friends

February 28, 2014

No. You make it perfectly clear. As someone else already mentioned, how are you supposed to understand how friendships work when you don't put any stock in their value?

"I would not want my girlfriend going out drinking with a bunch of guys." Because you're so insecure, you expect all women to leave you for someone else.

I'm not the one with the problem.

How many guys here do you think would be comfortable with their GF going out drinking with a bunch of guys?

Edited February 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quote redacted

February 28, 2014

How many guys here do you think would be comfortable with their GF going out drinking with a bunch of guys?

Plenty. But if she's not going to accept any advances from said guys, what is the problem?

February 28, 2014

Plenty. But if she's not going to accept any advances from said guys, what is the problem?

If my girl started REGULARLY going out with a group of

ONLY guy mates, I'd be asking serious questions .

Look at nearly any topic started by girls in the cheating section on this site... It almost always goes something like 'I was drinking with my guy friend and while drunk, one thing led to another and we kissed/f*cked/went down on each other, etc. Should I tell my boyfriend/husband?'

February 28, 2014

How many guys here do you think would be comfortable with their GF going out drinking with a bunch of guys?

Um... I've never had a boyfriend that has had a problem with me going out drinking with a bunch of guys. Usually it's with my girl friends, sometimes it's a mixed group, sometimes it's with a bunch of guys. It depends on the friendship group (I have probably three/four different groups of friends) and the occasion. If I go to gigs (usually progressive metal/progressive rock gigs) it's usually out of town a six hour journey away because decent bands don't come here, and not many women like my kind of music, so I'll often go with a male friend and meet up with a friend or two (again, male) in the city to head to the concert to. Then go for some drinks after. Last time I went to a gig in the capital city I went with a friend I used to date, and stayed over at a male friend's house my new boyfriend has never met. I told him all about it all beforehand, even said 'it's sure gonna be weird staying over at Mike's house on Valentine's Day when I have a boyfriend now!' making a joke of it. He wasn't bothered, he trusts me. I got back to Mike's house, alone with Mike, sat and had a cup of tea with his mother and then went to the spare room and slept alone! Mike is a friend that has never made a move but even if he had have done, I have a relationship so he'd have gotten knocked back. And friends of mine wouldn't stay friends very long if they disrespected my relationship. The only reason boyfriend wasn't invited is because I bought the tickets before we got together and it was sold out. Next couple of gigs I have coming up in April, he has gotten tickets (as he's into similar music) and he's coming along. Yay!

But seriously... I would never be pissed at a boyfriend for going drinking with a bunch of women. And I've never had a boyfriend care about me going drinking with a bunch of guys. If you trust somebody you trust them, whatever's going on around them, right? It is nice, however, to be invited along. I wouldn't go out with all of my dude mates and not invite a boyfriend of mine.

Am I/my boyfriend/my exes really all so unusual?

February 28, 2014

If you trust somebody you trust them, whatever's going on around them, right?

That's a difficult question to answer when alcohol is involved.

Are you sure your BF had no issue with you going to Mike's or was he just saying that so he wouldn't come across as worried and controlling. If he had told you that he didn't feel comfortable with you going to that event without him, how would you have reacted?

I would never be pissed at a boyfriend for going drinking with a bunch of women.

And it would never occur to you why he even was going out with them?

All I can say, is that out of respect for the GF I have at the time, I wouldn't put myself in situations like that. I would never cheat no matter how drunk I get, but why would I want to even give her a reason to worry?

February 28, 2014

I would never trust a girl who has all guy friends & no girl friends.

I mean you can't get along with 50% of the population? Something's wrong with you. If you think "all" girls are bitches to you........perhaps the problem is you?

In all honesty, I think it depends on the situation someone is in. A woman working in a male-dominated field, with male-dominated hobbies, is going to naturally have more male friends than female. There is nothing wrong with that. On the other hand, if she is going around saying that she doesn't have female friends because all women are bitches - yep, definitely something wrong with her.

I suppose there is also a big difference between 'mostly', and 'all'. I would definitely view a man or woman with zero same sex friends with some wariness, as opposed to a man or woman with mostly opposite sex friends.

Edited February 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Editorial comments redacted

February 28, 2014

I agree with somedude81 on this.

I've had no problems with my girlfriends in the past having guy friends. I have no problems with any of them meeting occasionally to catch up over a beer at Happy Hour. But I have problems with her going out drinking with the guys, well, any more often than very rarely.

Thing is, I'm not born yesterday. I've seen some pretty bad behavior in this regard from both men and women when alcohol is involved. I've seen this happen more than once--a woman who is in "good" relationships and who is out that night without her boyfriend, has chemistry with someone in the circle (maybe someone she just met that night--a friend of a friend) and she does some things that her boyfriend would be pissed seeing if he were there (such as hugging the guy and kissing him on the cheek). I've seen guys do likewise, one of whom was married. It is what it is.

Somedude also brought up a great point. Part of being a faithful partner is about not putting yourself in situations that even *look* questionable. Suppose I were in a relationship. Then my going out getting drunk and then crashing at another girl's place would be unacceptable on my end even if "nothing" happened between me and the girl whose place I crashed at (and say there were a video cam to prove it).

Said it. I know this isn't the PC answer.

Edited February 28, 2014 by Imajerk17

February 28, 2014

If my girl started REGULARLY going out with a group of
ONLY guy mates, I'd be asking serious questions .

Look at nearly any topic started by girls in the cheating section on this site... It almost always goes something like 'I was drinking with my guy friend and while drunk, one thing led to another and we kissed/f*cked/went down on each other, etc. Should I tell my boyfriend/husband?'

And have you seen how this site overwhelming skews towards people who make mistakes/are unsatisfied?

Citing the fact that there are so many girls on this website who have a drunken kiss with a male friend fails to take into consideration, all the people who DON'T, because so few would come on here saying "My relationship is rock solid, just thought an anoymous internet forum would like to know."

You can't cite this place as a snapshot of relationships. It's a snapshot of unhappy relationships.

February 28, 2014

And have you seen how this site overwhelming skews towards people who make mistakes/are unsatisfied?

Citing the fact that there are so many girls on this website who have a drunken kiss with a male friend fails to take into consideration, all the people who DON'T, because so few would come on here saying "My relationship is rock solid, just thought an anoymous internet forum would like to know."

You can't cite this place as a snapshot of relationships. It's a snapshot of unhappy relationships.

For real. I've gone out with guy friends (because people hang out after work and my colleagues all happened to be guys) and had nothing happen. Heaps of times.

It's kinda pointless and silly to come on here and make a thread about "Hung out with the guys, nothing happened" though.

February 28, 2014

For real. I've gone out with guy friends (because people hang out after work and my colleagues all happened to be guys) and had nothing happen. Heaps of times.

It's kinda pointless and silly to come on here and make a thread about "Hung out with the guys, nothing happened" though.

I work in sports. The last employment survey here said the office was 70% men.

I wouldn't f*ck a single one of them, either. I don't sh*t where I eat.

February 28, 2014

I think an understanding of the importance of friendships is very important.

Male or female, I do not want to contemplate the dark and twisty place I would be in without them. Because you can see, in this thread, and in so many others, what happens when you don't have good friends in your life.

Regardless of what is between their legs.

Edited February 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

February 28, 2014

I work in sports. The last employment survey here said the office was 70% men.

I wouldn't f*ck a single one of them, either. I don't sh*t where I eat.

Yep. It's actually pretty common. I'm not sure why people are assuming that it's so difficult to maintain opposite sex friendships with boundaries. It really isn't.

Edited February 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

February 28, 2014

Yep. It's actually pretty common. I'm not sure why people are assuming that it's so difficult to maintain opposite sex friendships with boundaries. It really isn't.

Case in point - my "work husband". We are close buddies, he has been very supportive when I was going through some troubles last year - he was awesome, in fact. Before he went away for Christmas, he sat me down and asked me was I going to be ok while he was away, and did I have people to talk to?

He's married. I wouldn't go there sexually for a million dollars. He is my friend. One of my best. So... nuts to people who think you can't do it.

February 28, 2014

I think an understanding of the importance of friendships is very important.

Male or female, I do not want to contemplate the dark and twisty place I would be in without them. Because you can see, in this thread, and in so many others, what happens when you don't have good friends in your life.

Regardless of what is between their legs.

The original topic is a guy meeting a girl on a college campus.

I can almost guarantee this girl has guy "friends" that aren't true friends in the way she thinks they are. I seriously doubt she has a complete understanding of the nature of those relationships the way an impartial observer would.

There are other posters in this thread, and I can assure you they have plenty of friends, and plenty of life experience, that understand this young man's concern.

February 28, 2014

The original topic is a guy meeting a girl on a college campus.

I can almost guarantee this girl has guy "friends" that aren't true friends in the way she thinks they are. I seriously doubt she has a complete understanding of the nature of those relationships the way an impartial observer would.

There are other posters in this thread, and I can assure you they have plenty of friends, and plenty of life experience, that understand this young man's concern.

But once again (oh my Lord) - if she has no intention of sleeping with those guys and can drink and socialise without any complications, why is how much they want to screw her relevant? SHE CAN SAY NO.

Jesus Christ...

February 28, 2014

But once again (oh my Lord) - if she has no intention of sleeping with those guys and can drink and socialise without any complications, why is how much they want to screw her relevant? SHE CAN SAY NO.

Jesus Christ...

For real. If the girl had displayed a pattern of irresponsible behaviour with those guys, then that would definitely be good cause for concern. But getting all winded up about the fact that she just has guy friends, full stop, sounds a whole lot to me like projecting one's insecurities and baggage onto her.

Then again the OP isn't even in a relationship with this girl; he just met her today, for cryin' out loud. She might have a boyfriend already. Even if she was single, she might not agree to go out with him. The whole point is moot, really.

OP should just ask her out if he likes her and then see how things go from there. If he doesn't like her then why bother.

February 28, 2014

But once again (oh my Lord) - if she has no intention of sleeping with those guys and can drink and socialise without any complications, why is how much they want to screw her relevant? SHE CAN SAY NO.

Jesus Christ...

How would he possibly know all of this about a girl he just met?

Ifs, ands, and buts... candy and nuts...

February 28, 2014

How would he possibly know all of this about a girl he just met?

Ifs, ands, and buts... candy and nuts...

He doesn't. That's why relationships have to start from faith in the person. Enter with such cynicism and suspicion, and it'll end in tears.

February 28, 2014

He doesn't. That's why relationships have to start from faith in the person. Enter with such cynicism and suspicion, and it'll end in tears.

Or you can collect some information upfront, and make a judgement call on whether to pursue it or not.

February 28, 2014

He doesn't. That's why relationships have to start from faith in the person. Enter with such cynicism and suspicion, and it'll end in tears.

Or you can collect some information upfront, and make a judgement call on whether to pursue it or not.

Or you could just date. Dating does not equal automatic relationship. It's a way to find out more about the person you are seeing. Ask questions, see how that person reacts in situations, have joint experiences then from there make a judgement call. If all goes well then yeah go for it and have a relationship, if not....NEXT!!!

February 28, 2014

The original topic is a guy meeting a girl on a college campus.

I can almost guarantee this girl has guy "friends" that aren't true friends in the way she thinks they are. I seriously doubt she has a complete understanding of the nature of those relationships the way an impartial observer would.

There are other posters in this thread, and I can assure you they have plenty of friends, and plenty of life experience, that understand this young man's concern.

Damn straight Stan. Well-said too. I have guy friends. I have female friends. I'm thinking right now of a really good female friend.

This really good female friend I was referring too... We've helped each other through all sorts of stuff with our dating lives. We've kept each other sane through our single years and she has found love. She is getting married and I am in the wedding. It's a real friendship, nothing sexual between us.

HOWEVER, if you think she and I are going out drinking just she and I, you are mistaken. Our relationship changed in that regard when she met her now fiance. It went from her asking me for my take on this new guy all the time early on to her ever asking me my take about it anymore. That's just the way it should be. When a woman is in a relationship with a man she loves she shouldn't be talking too much about that relationship with another guy. Now whenever I see her it is the three of us, and I am totally cool with that. Meanwhile, I made a point to become friends with him too--he's a great guy.

I believe men and women can be just friends and I respect boundaries. I also have seen *in real life* what happens when boundaries are not respected--many a woman in relationships getting way too palsy-walsy with a male friend or a guy she just met.

Edited February 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

February 28, 2014

Moderation directs members to focus on the thread starter, a young man apparently interested in the friend mix of a lady who caught his eye on a college campus, and who apparently has gone missing here. If they don't return, I'll close this up.

Edited February 28, 2014 by William
Thread cleanup completed.

February 28, 2014

Or you could just date. Dating does not equal automatic relationship. It's a way to find out more about the person you are seeing. Ask questions, see how that person reacts in situations, have joint experiences then from there make a judgement call. If all goes well then yeah go for it and have a relationship, if not....NEXT!!!

That's exactly what I did with my ex. I knew that she had lots of guy friends before we became official. We had lots of conversations covering a broad range of topics. I found out what her views of cheating are, dating friends and so on. I also realized that she wasn't the type to go out drinking with her guy friends. By talking to her I realized that I had no reason not to trust her.

Now if she had a history of dating or sleeping with her friends then that would have been a huge red flag.

Thankfully the drinking with guy friends thing never came up. If it did, it would warrant another round of questions of how she acts when she's had a few, what her friends are like and so on.

February 28, 2014

Is this a huge red flag?

I met up with a girl on campus today and she brought up how she doesn't have many girl friends. She doesn't seem like a slutty girl at all, so I don't know. Is this a red flag for you?

Anyway OP, this is my take: Don't let it stop you from hanging out with her.

Don't rush things and don't get possessive or ahead of yourself or anything. She's not your girlfriend. Most of the time these things don't really go anywhere anyway. You have plenty of time to get to know her and her relationships with her guy friends in the meanwhile--if the two of you are getting along that is. By what you're observing as what she tells you. If you and this girl decide there is something there then you and she can have a more serious conversation.

February 28, 2014

How many guys here do you think would be comfortable with their GF going out drinking with a bunch of guys?

Considering I go out drinking with a bunch of girls all the time, it would be hypocritical of me to not be comfortable with her doing the same if she didn't complain about it to me. If I don't have a reason to not trust her and she trusts me when I am out getting annihilated with some chick friends and I'm the only dude, then yeah, I ain't gonna start bitching. It is a two way street and if you trust each other it is all good until there is a reason not to.

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