Girl with mostly guy friends

[jcm101]

Is this a huge red flag?

 

 

I met up with a girl on campus today and she brought up how she doesn't have many girl friends. She doesn't seem like a slutty girl at all, so I don't know. Is this a red flag for you?

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I always had a lot of guy friends. Even now, at 38, I have a male bestfriend who I've been close to for more than 7 years now. We've never crossed boundaries or viewed each other as anything but friends. Its just my personality. Always thought girls were overdramatic and silly and just meshed better with males. It's never interfered with my marriage or relationships. We respect boundaries and never put ourselves in inappropriate situations. If this girl is the same way, I wouldn't worry about it, but if you are the jealous, suspicious, overbearing type, it would probably be better to pass on her.

[FitChick]

I've always had more men than women friends. Just like Elaine on Seinfeld! It certainly doesn't mean there is any romance. Quite the opposite. I don't have to worry about them sleeping with any of my boyfriends.

[BDL]

It is a red flag. Proceed with caution.

[Chalkdust89]

Listen to the girls in this thread! I've always had more guy friends than girl friends and am just getting to a point in my life where I actually look forward to meeting new women and having ladies' nights (now that everyone has been out of college for a few years, a lot of the drama has died down!) I still am very close to my group of guy friends and usually hang out with them at least once a week, but there is no sexual tension at all. In fact, as I have no brothers and none of them have sisters, we have sort of filled those familial roles for each other and act more like siblings.

[BDL]

Your perspective is that there is no sexual tension, but really can you know for sure what your guy friends' intentions are? Unless you're surrounded by eunuchs, most guys ("nice" or not) are just biding their time waiting to get into your pants. A lot of guys will be in your orbit waiting their chance to be the shoulder to cry on. Women NEED female friends for emotional support and understanding.

[CarrieT]

I am 50 and have always had more guy friends than girlfriends. I even had a guy friend from high school (friends 35 years - and, no, I NEVER slept with him!) walk me down the aisle last November.

 

My new husband has met almost every guy friend I have and does not feel threatened whatsoever...

[Chalkdust89]

Your perspective is that there is no sexual tension, but really can you know for sure what your guy friends' intentions are? Unless you're surrounded by eunuchs, most guys ("nice" or not) are just biding their time waiting to get into your pants. A lot of guys will be in your orbit waiting their chance to be the shoulder to cry on. Women NEED female friends for emotional support and understanding.

 

Well, besides the fact that most of them have girlfriends or are pursuing other girls at the moment...even if they did have crushes on me, that doesn't mean I have a crush on any of them or would automatically let something happen just because they liked me. I wouldn't if I was dating someone or didn't have feelings for them. "Getting in someone's pants" takes two-way consent, unless it is rape, which is another issue entirely.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Your perspective is that there is no sexual tension, but really can you know for sure what your guy friends' intentions are? Unless you're surrounded by eunuchs, most guys ("nice" or not) are just biding their time waiting to get into your pants. A lot of guys will be in your orbit waiting their chance to be the shoulder to cry on. Women NEED female friends for emotional support and understanding.

 

Bullsh*t! Guys that have the ability to view women as PEOPLE and not just vaginas, have no problems with this. After my divorce, I took a weekend trip to visit my guy friend in Tampa. 4 day weekend and I stayed at his house. Slept in his room, and he took the couch. We went to a concert, a football game, watched the Mayweather fight at his friend's house, went out to eat, and had the BEST time...AS FRIENDS. We talked about our relationships, work, etc., the same as any friends would do. Never any tension, awkwardness, nothing and we had a blast. When someone is your FRIEND, they don't have hidden intentions.

[pickflicker]

Is this a huge red flag?

 

 

I met up with a girl on campus today and she brought up how she doesn't have many girl friends. She doesn't seem like a slutty girl at all, so I don't know. Is this a red flag for you?

 

Nope. If the person I'm seeing has opposite sex friends, it actually bodes well for them. They're likely to be a lot more rounded and deal well with people.

 

Large groups of girls are f*cking psycho. I don't like it, I like variety.

[pickflicker]

Your perspective is that there is no sexual tension, but really can you know for sure what your guy friends' intentions are? Unless you're surrounded by eunuchs, most guys ("nice" or not) are just biding their time waiting to get into your pants. A lot of guys will be in your orbit waiting their chance to be the shoulder to cry on. Women NEED female friends for emotional support and understanding.

 

Last time I checked, just because I guy wants to f*ck me doesn't mean I have to acquiesce. Last time I checked, I had final say over who 'gets into my pants'.

[somedude81]

My main issue with girls that have lots of guy friends, is that just about every single one of them wants to have sex with her. All of them are waiting for their chance.

 

If a girl has actually slept with one of her guy friends and they still hang out, that is a HUGE red flag.

 

I definitely would not want a girlfriend to go out drinking with her guy friends.

[oz-missy]

My main issue with girls that have lots of guy friends, is that just about every single one of them wants to have sex with her. All of them are waiting for their chance.

 

If a girl has actually slept with one of her guy friends and they still hang out, that is a HUGE red flag.

 

I definitely would not want a girlfriend to go out drinking with her guy friends.

 

Are you insinuating that ALL men think solely with their appendages or is that just something pertaining to your own experience?

 

I have had lots of guy friends for most of my life. They are friends, nothing more nothing less. I have been drinking with them and shock, horror, I haven't kissed or slept with any of them.

 

So instead of generalising, listen to the females on this thread who actually have guy friends - it's not about sex, it's about friendship.

[Chalkdust89]

Do you guys seriously think that girls in relationships sleep with any guy who looks at them? If you were in a relationship, would you sleep with any girl friend who said they were in to you?

[pickflicker]

My main issue with girls that have lots of guy friends, is that just about every single one of them wants to have sex with her. All of them are waiting for their chance.

 

If a girl has actually slept with one of her guy friends and they still hang out, that is a HUGE red flag.

 

I definitely would not want a girlfriend to go out drinking with her guy friends.

 

Oh good, so you're basically saying you don't trust her to keep her legs together and be oh, I don't know...monogamous, faithful, etc?

 

Good one.

[pickflicker]

Do you guys seriously think that girls in relationships sleep with any guy who looks at them? If you were in a relationship, would you sleep with any girl friend who said they were in to you?

 

I wouldn't sleep with any of my male friends, it would be like sleeping with my brother

[somedude81]

Are you insinuating that ALL men think solely with their appendages or is that just something pertaining to your own experience?

The vast majority of guys.

 

I have had lots of guy friends for most of my life. They are friends, nothing more nothing less. I have been drinking with them and shock, horror, I haven't kissed or slept with any of them.

If you were in a relationship and kissed one of your guy friends, do you think they would stop it?

 

Or as a test, come on to one of your single guy friends and tell him that you want to have sex. What do you think his answer will be?

 

So instead of generalising, listen to the females on this thread who actually have guy friends - it's not about sex, it's about friendship.

Unless you can read their minds then you have no idea.

 

My ex was one of those girls who had lots of guy friends growing up and has more guy friends than female friends. And she has told me that at some point in time, every single one of her guy friends has asked her out or that they liked her.

[somedude81]

Oh good, so you're basically saying you don't trust her to keep her legs together and be oh, I don't know...monogamous, faithful, etc?

 

Good one.

It's not her that I don't trust.

 

Plus, some women make some seriously stupid judgement calls when they've had a few drinks.

 

Why take that risk?

[fortyninethousand322]

Is this a huge red flag?

 

 

I met up with a girl on campus today and she brought up how she doesn't have many girl friends. She doesn't seem like a slutty girl at all, so I don't know. Is this a red flag for you?

 

Not a red flag, but something I'd be insecure about. It suggests to me that it's only a matter of time until she leaves me for one of them.

 

Then again, I'm insecure about a lot of things so...

[pickflicker]

The vast majority of guys.

 

If you were in a relationship and kissed one of your guy friends, do you think they would stop it?

 

Or as a test, come on to one of your single guy friends and tell him that you want to have sex. What do you think his answer will be?

 

 

Unless you can read their minds then you have no idea.

 

My ex was one of those girls who had lots of guy friends growing up and has more guy friends than female friends. And she has told me that at some point in time, every single one of her guy friends has asked her out or that they liked her.

 

So what? There's no law against asking someone out. Can she not be trusted to think for herself??

 

Besides, mature girls would not play with a man's emotions like that. We would not 'test' them to see if they'd want us. That's juvenile. And that speaks to the calibre of woman that you're dating, if you think this is a serious problem.

 

Any man who asked me to give up my friends for him, of either gender, would be unceremoniously booted to the curb. My friends have been there for me through everything. They are a part of me. I would choose them any day, because I know they are worth making that choice. The right guy would not be so jealous and insecure - they would embrace me, and my platonic, supportive friends - male or female.

[pickflicker]

It's not her that I don't trust.

 

Plus, some women make some seriously stupid judgement calls when they've had a few drinks.

 

Why take that risk?

 

You can't control someone. That's not a relationship. That's abuse. Oh wait - we've had this convo before.

 

Real patronising viewpoint you have of women there. Good luck with that.

[somedude81]

So what? There's no law against asking someone out. Can she not be trusted to think for herself??

That had nothing to do with trusting her. I was making the point that it's very common for guys to be interested in their friends.

 

Frankly she actually increased my trust in her by telling me that she turned them down. After that point I didn't care if she did with things with guy friends because I know that she would not let anything happen.

 

Thankfully she never went drinking with any of her guy friends as that would be something that would have made me very uncomfortable.

Besides, mature girls would not play with a man's emotions like that. We would not 'test' them to see if they'd want us. That's juvenile. And that speaks to the calibre of woman that you're dating, if you think this is a serious problem.

Fair point.

 

Once again, I was trying to make the case that almost all of a woman's guy friends do want to sleep with her, and are just waiting for the signal.

 

Any man who asked me to give up my friends for him, of either gender, would be unceremoniously booted to the curb. My friends have been there for me through everything. They are a part of me. I would choose them any day, because I know they are worth making that choice. The right guy would not be so jealous and insecure - they would embrace me, and my platonic, supportive friends - male or female.

I would never ask a GF to give up her guy friends or to stop seeing them.

 

Though here's the point, I believe that I should be the most important guy in my girlfriends life.

 

Early on in my relationship I was visiting my mom who lived in the same city as my ex. The day with my mom was winding down so I texted my ex to see if she if she would like to have dinner with my mom and I. She told me that she was actually having dinner with her guy friend that she went hiking with earlier in the day. She was at his house with his family.

 

Right away that bugged me. I couldn't see her because she was with another guy. Second is that they started hiking early in the morning, just the two of them, and they were still together around 6:30.

 

So then I spent the rest of the evening with my mom. Around 9pm I said bye to my mom and texted my GF, I wanted to spend sometime with her before I did the 50 min drive home. She was still with her guy friend. My mom was with me at the time, and when I told her what my GF was doing, my mom gave me a surprised but knowing look, and asked me if I was OK with this. By that point I was actually mad.

 

Basically that day she had chosen him over me. It was also the first and only time I have ever been in that city and didn't see her while we were dating.

 

We talked later about what happened and that was the only time I had ever been mad at my GF, before she became my ex.

 

You can't control someone. That's not a relationship. That's abuse. Oh wait - we've had this convo before.

 

Real patronising viewpoint you have of women there. Good luck with that.

Control?

 

What the hell are you talking about?

[CrystalCastles]

My main issue with girls that have lots of guy friends, is that just about every single one of them wants to have sex with her. All of them are waiting for their chance.

 

If a girl has actually slept with one of her guy friends and they still hang out, that is a HUGE red flag.

 

I definitely would not want a girlfriend to go out drinking with her guy friends.

 

I think that's really unfair. You make men seem like sex-hungry monsters. I have considerably more guy friends than girls, which is something that happens when your major is chemistry, but I doubt any of them are interested, and I am not interested whatsoever. Never have, never will be. I prefer to date outside of my friendship circle and men who I am not friends with first, since I don't like destroying friendships. Any of my female friends have done the same.

 

A girl can go out drinking with her male buddies if she wants to, provided she is responsible and behaves like an adult with self-control.

 

Men aren't sharks and women aren't prey. If any girlfriends you have are unable to act responsibly and respectably around male company, especially when alcohol and such are involved, why would you want to be with that person anyway?

[pickflicker]

That had nothing to do with trusting her. I was making the point that it's very common for guys to be interested in their friends.

 

Frankly she actually increased my trust in her by telling me that she turned them down. After that point I didn't care if she did with things with guy friends because I know that she would not let anything happen.

 

Thankfully she never went drinking with any of her guy friends as that would be something that would have made me very uncomfortable.

 

Fair point.

 

Once again, I was trying to make the case that almost all of a woman's guy friends do want to sleep with her, and are just waiting for the signal.

 

 

I would never ask a GF to give up her guy friends or to stop seeing them.

 

Though here's the point, I believe that I should be the most important guy in my girlfriends life.

 

Early on in my relationship I was visiting my mom who lived in the same city as my ex. The day with my mom was winding down so I texted my ex to see if she if she would like to have dinner with my mom and I. She told me that she was actually having dinner with her guy friend that she went hiking with earlier in the day. She was at his house with his family.

 

Right away that bugged me. I couldn't see her because she was with another guy. Second is that they started hiking early in the morning, just the two of them, and they were still together around 6:30.

 

So then I spent the rest of the evening with my mom. Around 9pm I said bye to my mom and texted my GF, I wanted to spend sometime with her before I did the 50 min drive home. She was still with her guy friend. My mom was with me at the time, and when I told her what my GF was doing, my mom gave me a surprised but knowing look, and asked me if I was OK with this. By that point I was actually mad.

 

Basically that day she had chosen him over me. It was also the first and only time I have ever been in that city and didn't see her while we were dating.

 

We talked later about what happened and that was the only time I had ever been mad at my GF, before she became my ex.

 

After 6 months? Good luck with that.

[oz-missy]

The vast majority of guys.

 

If you were in a relationship and kissed one of your guy friends, do you think they would stop it?

 

Or as a test, come on to one of your single guy friends and tell him that you want to have sex. What do you think his answer will be?

 

 

Unless you can read their minds then you have no idea.

 

My ex was one of those girls who had lots of guy friends growing up and has more guy friends than female friends. And she has told me that at some point in time, every single one of her guy friends has asked her out or that they liked her.

 

Well firstly I am in a relationship, and if a guy friend tried to kiss me he would be getting a nice big slap in the face and a yelling from me.

 

If a guy friend was really a friend he wouldn't try hitting on the female. They would be classified an acquaintance nothing more nothing less. A true friend is just that - a friend.