absolutecp Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I'm looking for a women's point of view on where I might stand in my ex's eyes. I'm going to start from the beginning so this might be a bit. I was in a relationship for 3.5 years with a girl named...lets say Samantha. We had a wonderful relationship, owned a house, and had two dogs. The first 3 years of relationship was amazing until I got a new job. I was traveling a lot and spent too much time away from her with work. We started getting more and more distant and eventually we broke it off last June. I moved in with my dad so I could get on my own feet again as she took the house. I knew the breakup was coming and even though I was sad for a bit, I recovered relatively fast. In the middle of August I asked out a girl that I've known for about 1.5 years through some work conferences. I've had a little crush on her for a while but didn't act on it at all while Samantha and I were together. This girl...let's call her Crystal, was amazing. I didn't think that this relationship would amount to anything since she was the first girl I dated after Samantha but I was wrong. Crystal was completely different from Samantha in every good possible way. We started seeing each other almost every single day and staying with each other almost every night, mostly at my place (well I guess my dads place). Everything was going great with my job and I was saving up for a place to buy in January, with plans on her moving in with me, until I was let go mid-December. With no money coming in I explained to Crystal that I'd have to get another job before we could move in with each other. She agreed and we continued on our happy relationship. For Christmas we went to her parents house so I could meet them and stay with them a couple of days. It was an amazing time and I even told Crystals parents how in love I was with her and wanted could see myself having a long future with her. Crystal has reciprocated those same feelings so I wasn't afraid to tell them. We came back home and everything was good, same "head of heels" attitude towards each other, "I love you's", etc. A little after New Years Crystal got sick. She had the flu along with a UTI. For two weeks she was basically in bed except to go to work. When she finally started recovering something had changed. Like I said before, we used to spend the night with each other almost every night. All of a sudden she said that she would like to spend two nights a week at her place by herself. Thinking that she just needed some space (and who would want to hang out with her boyfriend at his dads place all the time?) I understood. She started staying more and more at her place and the communication was starting to thin out a bit. I was hardly being called my pet names anymore and her voice was kind of cold on the phone. About three weeks ago I sat her down and explained to her how I was feeling and if there was anything that she needed to talk to me about. She said she knew she was acting differently but didn't know what was wrong. I asked her if she wanted a break or to breakup and she said that she didn't. I suggested that she takes some time to herself to find out what is really going on and to contact me when she wanted to talk about it. We texted casually a few times in the week that we didn't see each other but nothing really intimate. Finally last week she texted me asking if we could go for coffee. I said yes and we met up. We talked for about 1/2 hour about what was going on and what she finally said was "I don't have the same feelings I used to have for you." I was crushed but didn't let my emotions run through. I told her that it isn't fair to you to be in a relationship that you aren't feeling 100% about and it isn't fair to me to to keep fighting for a relationship where I'm the only one giving 100%. I broke up with her there in the coffee shop. We walked out together, hugged and kissed, and she said I hope we can be friends. I told her it would take some time but I hope we could in the future as well. I know this is long but I wanted to give some back story so you could see how our relationship was. My question is, if you can relate to this story, what was it that pushed her away? I never got an actual answer and I'm not going to ask her now as I'm doing No Contact. My guess is that I'm almost 30, living with my dad, and no job. I know it would be tough for me to date someone with that kind of situation. I really want Crystal back as we had such an amazing bond all the way until January but I have to focus on myself right now. I just want to see what you guys thought. Thanks in advance for any help
Lucretius Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 So you split with Samantha in June, and by August you were going out with Crystal who you had a secret crush on for 1.5 years whilst you were with Samantha...Hmm do the 2 of them talk to each other do you know?
legion113 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I think it's probably that despite being so sick that she was in bed while not working, she finds it odd that you aren't out there doing everything you can to find a job, any job. I think it made her see you in a different light regarding your fortitude and willing to do what ever it takes should you guys be in a bind together in the future. Seems like something turned her off while she was sick and busting her butt. I would look there for your answers.
Author absolutecp Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 No they don't. I know that for a fact.
Author absolutecp Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 I think it's probably that despite being so sick that she was in bed while not working, she finds it odd that you aren't out there doing everything you can to find a job, any job. I think it made her see you in a different light regarding your fortitude and willing to do what ever it takes should you guys be in a bind together in the future. Seems like something turned her off while she was sick and busting her butt. I would look there for your answers. I really did try to find a job...anything. I used to work in advertising and I was trying to stay in that field but I soon realized how hard it was to find something there. I started applying everywhere. I'm actually starting a new job on Monday that pays pretty decent and later in March or early April I'll be getting my own place.
Author absolutecp Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 So you split with Samantha in June, and by August you were going out with Crystal who you had a secret crush on for 1.5 years whilst you were with Samantha...Hmm do the 2 of them talk to each other do you know? No they don't. I know that for a fact. And it wasn't a huge crush that I was going on to act on...we just clicked so well that whenever I saw her I'd get super happy.
Itspointless Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Perhaps you two were reaching a point where everything became to real to handle for her. Like everything is ok as long as it still can function as a fanthasy. You told her parenst you could see yourself having a long future with her. Telling them makes it quite definate.
Lucretius Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) Ah ok I understand now Edited February 27, 2014 by Lucretius
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