maestrok Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 So I ended up going out to a first date with this guy that I had known for awhile (never talked tho). We both had feelings for each other long time before the date so we were both really happy that this happened. Then we kind of got carried away and started making out ... and he ended up spending the night at my place. But he refused to have sex and I agreed, so it was just a lot of making out and falling asleep together. Now I feel pretty insecure and sad. I've never done such thing before (inviting a guy over to my place especially on the first date) and think he likely has judged me (negatively) based on what is not really me. I really opened up this time because I already liked him from quite some time ago, but guess I should have exercised more control over myself. I don't know what to do. I even kind of feel ashamed that I let go of myself like that.. and I feel like I lost him now because he's might think I'm easy or promiscuous or whatever.
Gaeta Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Ashamed? Get that out of your vocabulary right now. You are a single independent sexual being and free to bring in your bed the man you want when you want. If he cannot handle a sexually confident woman then his loss. Listen, if this guy likes you, there is not much you can do to change his mind about you. If on the other hand he was so-so about you, he'll use the first excuse to let you down and move on. 2
FitChick Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I don't know what to do. I even kind of feel ashamed that I let go of myself like that.. and I feel like I lost him now because he's might think I'm easy or promiscuous or whatever. Wait and see if he asks you out again. Don't contact him first.
Author maestrok Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Ashamed? Get that out of your vocabulary right now. You are a single independent sexual being and free to bring in your bed the man you want when you want. If he cannot handle a sexually confident woman then his loss. Listen, if this guy likes you, there is not much you can do to change his mind about you. If on the other hand he was so-so about you, he'll use the first excuse to let you down and move on. I just feel like .. if I were him, and a girl really rushes things and doesn't seem to have control over her acts (especially sexually), I won't really take her as seriously. So I'm disappointed at myself for acting so that he'd think I'm like that when I'm really not. It's sad. Because I haven't really met a guy that I found attractive in awhile and now I kind of ruined it..
Author maestrok Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Wait and see if he asks you out again. Don't contact him first. He did send me one text wishing a good day but that's about it...
Barbarossa Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I just feel like .. if I were him, and a girl really rushes things and doesn't seem to have control over her acts (especially sexually), I won't really take her as seriously. So I'm disappointed at myself for acting so that he'd think I'm like that when I'm really not. It's sad. Because I haven't really met a guy that I found attractive in awhile and now I kind of ruined it.. You might have not ruined it. This situation just happened to me a couple weeks ago and I still like her. Just show the guy you have interest in him outside of the bedroom as well.
Author maestrok Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 You might have not ruined it. This situation just happened to me a couple weeks ago and I still like her. Just show the guy you have interest in him outside of the bedroom as well. I mean another commentator suggested that I wait till he asks me out again tho. Also wondering if I should ever talk about how I feel (worried and that what happened was not really me) to him. I guess that's even worse than now, huh?
OpheliaSong Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 How old are you? Are you college aged? If so, a good lesson to learn is to be who you are and not worry about what others think. 1
OhThatGirl Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Own it. Know what's less attractive than a woman who knows what she wants and feels confident about her actions? Someone who feels ashamed, feels judged, apologizes for something that is entirely normal, and makes him think you can't handle your own limits. Just go with it. If he wants to judge (like the other poster said, if he likes you he won't) then shrug him off. Please feel confident in what you do. It's on him if he is so critical he can't handle some making out. Ps. My best friend slept with a guy the first night they went out. They're married now with two little girls. Know why? She wasn't known for random hookups but she really liked him. They had great chemistry. It happened. She didn't apologize for it. He liked that. Him wishing you a good day is nice. Just chill out. 1
oz-missy Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 There are no rules for how long you should wait before going forth and having sex with someone. It can be less than 5 mins, it could be years. If this guy is making a judgement call on you - when you both engaged in a make out session - then cut him out of your life. You may really like him right now, but that will fade after not being in contact with him. You should NEVER apologise or make excuses for your sexual escapades. You do not have to justify yourself to him or to anyone else. Any man that makes you feel judged based on sex is someone who deserves to be erased from your life.
LovelyDay Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 He's not worth your time if he thinks less of you for it. The lack of self awareness and overall misogyny in that judgement will rear its head later on. You did nothing wrong. Tell yourself that.
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