SarahJames Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 You know the saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder," or is it "out of sight, out of mind"? 1)What determines if being away from someone will make us want them more? 2)Or do we just forget about them after enough time passes us by? 3)Is it only a matter of time before they're out of our mind? 4) is it different for the MM than it is for the OW?
ladydesigner Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 You know the saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder," or is it "out of sight, out of mind"? 1)What determines if being away from someone will make us want them more? 2)Or do we just forget about them after enough time passes us by? 3)Is it only a matter of time before they're out of our mind? 4) is it different for the MM than it is for the OW? For me #3 has always been the answer in my times of grief. Only time has healed me.
Lord of the Flies Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 You know the saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder," or is it "out of sight, out of mind"? 1)What determines if being away from someone will make us want them more? 2)Or do we just forget about them after enough time passes us by? 3)Is it only a matter of time before they're out of our mind? 4) is it different for the MM than it is for the OW? Dealing with my current situation and looking back at relationships I've had that were not an affair, number #2 and #3 are the most dominant path for me to take when it all ends. Eventually time does heal all wounds and you do forget about them but you never forget the lessons learned in dealing with them good and bad. It takes time to get over that hump but once you do, you will be at peace with yourself and it completes the healing process IMO. 1
ann1900 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I can't answer this for me because I'm still in the affair and haven't yet gotten enough courage to end it or go NC. However, I have learned that when I pull back (i.e. stop texting, messaging and calling him), he pursues me more. So for him I think it makes him want me more when I pull away. I've actually stopped calling at all, and message him very little because I know it will get me more attention, more calls, messages from him. I know it sounds petty, and yes, it's a game, but it works for me. In the end, I think it's time that will heal, I'm just not there yet. I'm interested to read the responses you get to your questions. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 You know the saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder," or is it "out of sight, out of mind"? 1)What determines if being away from someone will make us want them more? 2)Or do we just forget about them after enough time passes us by? 3)Is it only a matter of time before they're out of our mind? 4) is it different for the MM than it is for the OW? There is another saying you may have heard.... "Absence is to Love what the wind is to fire: It enflames the great, but extinguishes the small." Depending on how important the AP is to the cheater, that's how things ride. 3
PurpleCardigan Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 You know the saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder," or is it "out of sight, out of mind"? 1)What determines if being away from someone will make us want them more? 2)Or do we just forget about them after enough time passes us by? 3)Is it only a matter of time before they're out of our mind? 4) is it different for the MM than it is for the OW? SarahJames, When I first saw your question I thought it was #1 but I suspect that there is no universal answer. Every person is different such as the addictive personality or loneliness or FOO. I'm an xOW who is going through NC which he is breaking but only mildly -- I think he is testing the waters and seeing for the first time that I'm not biting. I'm coming to the conclusion that I think that first stage is to want them more but eventually time takes over and we heal. I do think that my ex will stay in my mind for a long time/forever just like other significant people in my life. I don't think that I will "forget" him but I don't mean that in a dwelling way. When we first broke up that absence definitely made me want him more (also true for some previous ex boyfriends), but time has added clarity to what I want out of life/relationships and it seems as though that doesn't jive with his view. I've rambled...but hopefully that makes sense for you. Your questions are intriguing but from reading your threads I can't quite figure out what you are hunting for. With any luck, folks are helping you out.
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