carhill Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Tip: You're asking her out on dates and have been on one date. She knows you're very interested and has for some time. Advice will probably vary but I'd view her acceptance of your 'dour voice' in person as license to call her when you feel like it. Just a quick 'catch up', like seeing how the netball game went. Keep it brief and light and practice a little flirting. Tip: If she likes you, you'll get some latitude. No need to feel like you're walking a tightrope without a net. What do you have planned for Saturday? Why not try a 'physical' date, with a bit of friendly competition thrown in. Something to see if you play off each other well. Such dates leave more time and opportunity for incidental touching and building up physical and sexual tension. No need to 'force' anything. If it flows, it flows. The key is going with the flow and not assigning expectations to it. That's all from me. I'm an old previously married fart so take it FWIW. 1
soccerrprp Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Should I date someone out of my league? First of all, I never think someone is out of my league. I'm go into dating with confidence and I go into dating seeking women that I am attracted to. My friends always tell me that I date beautiful (gorgeous) women, but that's b/c I have a preference that I stick to and do not compromise. The reality is that I have been fortunate to date some amazing ladies, who for some, may think they are out of my league and my attraction range is wider than the more attractive women my friends have seen me with. SO, my answer is YES. If that's the type of women you prefer, go for it. 1
carhill Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 OP, since you started this thread apparently feeling in some way this woman is 'better' than you, try something which worked wonders for me when learning to speak in public. I imagined those people within my field of view as sitting naked on the toilet. Priceless image. Helped relax me. Maybe something similar can work for you if you feel you're excessively nervous around her. Always remember she's a real person like you are, with hopes and fears, insecurities and confidence, everything that makes you both human. Don't let appearances deceive you.
lino Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Sure there are. I'm not in the same 'league' as guys who have slept around a lot, who have made poor decisions with their lives (addictions to substance, spending, sex), who are dishonest... who aren't secure with who they are, who aren't commitment oriented... who don't take care of themselves physically... who are way too old. I'm out of their league... Those guys need to self select and not waste my time. If the OP thinks she is out of his league, she probably IS and he needs to make actual changes to his life to bring himself up to her level... not do some mental mumbo jumbo like a stupid Rocky movie to convince himself he is. That's so typical of so many people these days. Fake being someone worthwhile and hype yourself into thinking you are... rather than do the actions that actually make you worth being in a relationship with the kind of person you find most attractive. I've had my fill of those guys who later find all kinds of ways to cut my legs off so they can feel better about themselves... or even worse... try to use me to up their dating cache so they can inch their way up some stupid dating ladder. See it here all the time. Both men and women do it too... This poor bloke comes on here to talk about being nervous about going out with an extremely gorgeous girl, something very common for average guys, and you use it as a platform to spit multiple posts of this irrelevant bile. Wow, you must be so much fun and have a line of fellas after you! Keep seeing the girl OP... If it works, it works. Your nervousness is completely understandable knowing the laundry list of needs a lot of women have. 1
melell Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Don't even worry about leagues. Just be yourself, and the worst case scenario is that you learn something. I changed schools a lot when I was younger, so I was never really in a situation where I could know what league I would be considered to be in. (The concept is kind of ridiculous in that respect). So I never really thought much of myself. There was someone who liked me very much, and I had thought they were so much better than me social status wise. Of the people I had an opportunity to be with this person was the most genuine in that they had their pick, and their reasons for liking me were really meaningful. It says enough if someone who has their pick of partners likes you. I don't think you should define yourself by who likes you, but at the same time you should consider yourself worthy of anyway who does. It is silly to think that all popular people have these expectations, in my experience some are really humble people- they have access to all of those superficial perks- to the point where they prioritize more meaningful qualities in partners. I know this might not apply all of the time, but it is a side of things worth thinking about imo.
Guy On The Couch Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 This is going to sound weird but here goes.... I've dabbled in OLD for a couple of weeks now, messaging girls on OK Cupid, and finally one has bitten, and has replied to my messages with interest, asking me as many questions as I have her. So I asked her if she wanted to meet up this saturday for a drink, she said yes and seems really keen. She added me on facebook and she is really as beautiful as her OLD profile pictures, with a much better, more lucrative job than I have, plus she has a car, her own place.... The latter things don't really faze me too much because I'm working towards them achieving myself. So I looked at a few of her photos (as you do) and I saw a few pictures of her with her ex. He was a well known guy in the years above me at school, he has model looks, and (don't laugh) I know him to be really well endowed - all the girls were after him at school, he was on the football team, and word gets around about those kind of things. He was particularly gifted in that department. And I'm not - being just about average size. Now I know people say size doesn't matter etc., but as I only have sex in relationships.. well if it gets that far I imagine she'd likely be disappointed. Having been cheated on previously, I really don't want to be in a situation where I'm not quite up to the mark sexually - at worst being cheated on again, at best her being with me in spite of it, but wishing I were better equipped. Which is a position I'd hate to be in. There are endless threads about this kind of cuckoldry stuff all over the internet, and what some women in this position do, which really makes me wary. I know the stupidest question you can ask is how well endowed a girl's ex was, but if you know the information beforehand.... Any thoughts? TL;DR Set up date with stunning girl out of my league. Since found out for certain that her ex was better looking, better endowed. Should I still go on the date? You are really setting yourself up with failure with that mentality. Don't think to much into it man, just go out and have fun. Remember there is a reason he is an ex-boyfriend.
RedRobin Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 (edited) This poor bloke comes on here to talk about being nervous about going out with an extremely gorgeous girl, something very common for average guys, and you use it as a platform to spit multiple posts of this irrelevant bile. Wow, you must be so much fun and have a line of fellas after you! Keep seeing the girl OP... If it works, it works. I'm sorry... but I've been on the flip side of this dynamic. Where I've been the one being open and vulnerable to an 'average' guy who seemed to be nice. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I do and have had a line of fellas after me... some of them for all the wrong reasons... Lots of them had something to prove to themselves about 'leagues' too, apparently. It's not fun being on the receiving end of it. That is where my comments are coming from. I'm not a fan of using other people in a dating situation to build confidence. She is a person too. Not a goal to master. Not a high water line. Not something to boost his ego. Ok, so he's been on one date... and now is asking for ways to make things more physical. ... OP, why don't you slow things down and get to know this person? What is the rush? I'm asking because, if this lady has even an ounce of self-awareness and self-esteem, you will put her off if she feels for a second that you are going after her just to prove something to yourself... If you come across as a guy with a goal to get 'a gorgeous girl'... rather than really get to know her and care about her... my advice is to focus on that... and less what she looks like. Just like you want her to focus on getting to know YOU as a person and less what YOU look like. Edited March 3, 2014 by RedRobin 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 Don't try to get physical with her of you are truly interested in exploring her as more than a mere sex object. Make sure to tell her she is very beautiful occasionally so she knows you're attracted to her (beautiful girls also love compliments just as much as unattractive gals ) my friends are beautiful, not me, hence I know they love compliments. A steady friendship/companionship/getting to know each other type of deal where you prove that she is MORE than just her beauty. So many guys wouldn't be able to control themselves around a girl like her. You will stand out from the rest if you take the physical side of things slower. I say this as a woman who has rushed the physical things with guy I truly liked, and regret it. 2
Author mr_dave Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 Don't try to get physical with her of you are truly interested in exploring her as more than a mere sex object. Make sure to tell her she is very beautiful occasionally so she knows you're attracted to her (beautiful girls also love compliments just as much as unattractive gals ) my friends are beautiful, not me, hence I know they love compliments. A steady friendship/companionship/getting to know each other type of deal where you prove that she is MORE than just her beauty. So many guys wouldn't be able to control themselves around a girl like her. You will stand out from the rest if you take the physical side of things slower. I say this as a woman who has rushed the physical things with guy I truly liked, and regret it. I'm someone who only has sex as part of a relationship, so I'm not solely interested in getting into her pants. I don't mean I want to have sex with her after this date or the next, I would like to take things slowly with whoever becomes my next girlfriend. However I'm also aware of how some ladies on here say that after date 2,3,6 etc. their guy hasn't kissed them yet, and the consensus is usually 'he doesn't like you that much.' It's usually up to the guy to initiate the physical stuff, so I don't want to do it too soon or too late. 1
Author mr_dave Posted March 3, 2014 Author Posted March 3, 2014 I'm not a fan of using other people in a dating situation to build confidence. She is a person too. Not a goal to master. Not a high water line. Not something to boost his ego. Ok, so he's been on one date... and now is asking for ways to make things more physical. ... OP, why don't you slow things down and get to know this person? What is the rush? I'm asking because, if this lady has even an ounce of self-awareness and self-esteem, you will put her off if she feels for a second that you are going after her just to prove something to yourself... If you come across as a guy with a goal to get 'a gorgeous girl'... rather than really get to know her and care about her... my advice is to focus on that... and less what she looks like. Just like you want her to focus on getting to know YOU as a person and less what YOU look like. I see what you're saying, but I'm really not using her for an ego boost. I'm extremely attracted to her, and she seems to be very nice and someone I would like to date seriously and get to know better.
VeronicaRoss Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 My now husband had a message waiting for me on my home phone when I got back from our first date: "I had a great time with you and would like to see you again." He won huge points for that. 2
oldshirt Posted March 3, 2014 Posted March 3, 2014 If someone intrigues you and seems like the kind of person you'd like to take out, ask them out. It's their job to determine if you're in their league or not. If they agree and you had a nice time and want to see them again, ask them out again. It's their job to determine if they want to go out with you again. Bottom line is its your job to ask out people you are interested in and who you deem worthy of your time and effort. It's their job to determine if you are worth theirs. It's their job to reject you or dump if they don't deem you worthy. It's not your job to prereject or predump yourself. There is such a thing as leagues and everyone is going to have a glass ceiling. The problem is you have no idea how other people determine who is in their league and most of the time they don't either. They just know it when they find it. 1
Author mr_dave Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Update.. again. She cancelled the second date (meant for Saturday) on Friday morning, saying she had to work on an assignment this weekend. (plausible enough) I sent a message back saying that I understood, would you like to do it another time? etc. A whole 24 hours later she messages back saying she would definitely like to rearrange. So I suggested a couple of days this week. No reply, and it's been another 24 hours and counting. Yet she still logs on to the dating site.... At best it seems I'm on the back burner, at worst she isn't at all interested. *Sigh*
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Update.. again. She cancelled the second date (meant for Saturday) on Friday morning, saying she had to work on an assignment this weekend. (plausible enough) I sent a message back saying that I understood, would you like to do it another time? etc. A whole 24 hours later she messages back saying she would definitely like to rearrange. So I suggested a couple of days this week. No reply, and it's been another 24 hours and counting. Yet she still logs on to the dating site.... At best it seems I'm on the back burner, at worst she isn't at all interested. *Sigh* You have to consider she is probably very popular on that site and had more than one prospect asking her out. It doesn't mean she is not interested. Also, ladies that take 24 hours to reply to invitation are usually waiting to hear from another pending invitation they find a little more interesting. (been there, done that) Again that doesn't mean she is not interested into seeing you again. Be nice, be yourself, be consistent and that's how you have a chance to stand above the crowd. As a good looking girl she has to deal with a lot of crap and she'll need time to filter through it all. One thing you have to realize, she is not enamored with you the way you are with her, you understand that right? But what plays in your favor is women *grow* into men. 1
Chocolat Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Update.. again. She cancelled the second date (meant for Saturday) on Friday morning, saying she had to work on an assignment this weekend. (plausible enough) I sent a message back saying that I understood, would you like to do it another time? etc. A whole 24 hours later she messages back saying she would definitely like to rearrange. So I suggested a couple of days this week. No reply, and it's been another 24 hours and counting. Yet she still logs on to the dating site.... At best it seems I'm on the back burner, at worst she isn't at all interested. *Sigh* When I'm interested, I don't cancel. If I absolutely have to cancel, I offer an alternate date. If I cancel and don't suggest an alternate, I'm not interested. 1
carhill Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Not a problem OP. No meeting of the minds between two relative strangers. That's how it goes. Next potential! 1
TheGuard13 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 My ex-wife had an ex who was 14 inches, and one who was 12. I'm decidedly average in that department. Near as I can tell, it was never an issue. If this girl wanted a guy with a big one, she would be out looking for that, and you'd know it early on. Not all girls just want that. I wouldn't worry about it, as you were apparently hesitant to even kiss her, so I doubt you're going to be whipping it out and showing her anytime soon. The thing about dating girls out of your league...is that even if it doesn't work out with a particular girl, it can increase your confidence, and even change your league. Because a lot of women pay attention to the type of women that men go out with. So if you go out with a girl "out of your league", you may well have a shot at women in that league in the future. The whole thing is kind of stupid and political, and not everyone operates that way. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Yeah, sounds like she's not that interested. Oh well. It was worth a shot. 1
Author mr_dave Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 I guess I don't feel too bad about it, I was surprised that I got a date out of it at all! Well, I'll cast my rod again. Fishies don't often bite though!
carhill Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Yeah, well drowning the worm is half the fun, eh? 1
Author mr_dave Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Yeah, well drowning the worm is half the fun, eh? If only it got that far!
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