Mbrown945 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Was with my ex gf for 5.5 years. We broke up 8 months ago. She dumped me. I'm 29 she's 27. Anyway she left because she felt I didn't spend enough time with her. (I saw her 4 days a week. More when I had time) She's had limited contact since but I never took her seriously. I saw her Thursday last week. She broke things off with a guy she was seeing the next day. We hung out all weekend and I think we are going to start over. Was this too rushed? Why is she back after months? Why did it take her so long to realize she couldn't connect to anyone like she did me? I'm also skeptical because I caught her going through my phone when we were together before, never gave her a reason not to trust me. Im so confused. Help!
Sivok Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 hmm it could be a few things. 4+ days a week to me is a decent amount of togetherness. Did she complain about that alot? Also, I feel like if she's checking your phone - it can mean two different things: 1) She's really insecure around you 2) She's projecting. Maybe she had something to hide of her own, hence the breakup and new guy she was dating? I don't want to put things in your head though
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 hmm it could be a few things. 4+ days a week to me is a decent amount of togetherness. Did she complain about that alot? Also, I feel like if she's checking your phone - it can mean two different things: 1) She's really insecure around you 2) She's projecting. Maybe she had something to hide of her own, hence the breakup and new guy she was dating? I don't want to put things in your head though Leaving after that long together seemed like a poor excuse. We always spent about that much time together. I would more but I was busy with work etc. I was 100 percent loyal the whole relationship so she had no reason to feel id be sneaky. It's just odd it took months to realize she screwed up with me
Sivok Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 It's possible she just wanted to explore options and realized she made a mistake
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 It's possible she just wanted to explore options and realized she made a mistake Doesn't that make me an idiot if I take her back than
HappyLove Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Basically she put herself back out there and saw what a mess out there is and has finally swallowed her pride and came running back to you. Oh, and other guys probably didn't put up with her crap. But if you really want to know I think it's a fair question to ask her why she's back.
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Basically she put herself back out there and saw what a mess out there is and has finally swallowed her pride and came running back to you. Oh, and other guys probably didn't put up with her crap. But if you really want to know I think it's a fair question to ask her why she's back. This is my fear of what happened. 4 plus days hanging out is a lot so her reason was bs to leave
HappyLove Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 This is my fear of what happened. 4 plus days hanging out is a lot so her reason was bs to leave Just ask her. You don't seem too happy to be back with her. Why did you take her back?
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Just ask her. You don't seem too happy to be back with her. Why did you take her back? Not back together yet, just seeing each other. Taking it slow. She said she never got over me and couldn't find a connection with anyone that she had with me
BDL Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 One thing I learned is you never get back with an ex. Use what you learned from the relationship and use it for the next one. Just getting back together with an ex is going backwards. You will end up with the same issues that broke the two of you up. Plus all the baggage of seeing other people, the trust issues, etc makes getting back together with an ex so unpalatable. There are always better matches for you out there. Dont be afraid to let go. 2
deathandtaxes Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Perhaps she broke up with you because she wanted more of a commitment, ie move in together? Had you two ever discussed that? I think the other posters have said other things I would have about why she came back, checked your phone, etc. You eyes are open now. Be aware if you decide to move forward with her again.
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 One thing I learned is you never get back with an ex. Use what you learned from the relationship and use it for the next one. Just getting back together with an ex is going backwards. You will end up with the same issues that broke the two of you up. Plus all the baggage of seeing other people, the trust issues, etc makes getting back together with an ex so unpalatable. There are always better matches for you out there. Dont be afraid to let go. Then there's this. I guess the history we have together makes me think I won't find anyone like her. I was doing good with limited contact then she drops this bomb on me. I never expected or planned this
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Perhaps she broke up with you because she wanted more of a commitment, ie move in together? Had you two ever discussed that? I think the other posters have said other things I would have about why she came back, checked your phone, etc. You eyes are open now. Be aware if you decide to move forward with her again. We lived together for a year. She then moved into a city and I wanna stay in the suburbs (still only 20 mins apart) so I don't think committment was it. I was 100 percent committed to her 1
HappyLove Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Seems like you feel wronged by her she broke your heart and you're still very hurt instead of excited to get back together.
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Seems like you feel wronged by her she broke your heart and you're still very hurt instead of excited to get back together. Mixed emotions. Excited because I loved her so much and I never expected this to happen. Mad because she came back and confused me when I was doing well
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Don't want to think she's settling with me
HappyLove Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 It's probably more of a compliment than settling. When you go running back it's because no one is as good as you were to her.
soccerrprp Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 She's had limited contact since but I never took her seriously. I saw her Thursday last week. She broke things off with a guy she was seeing the next day. We hung out all weekend and I think we are going to start over. Was this too rushed? Why is she back after months? Why did it take her so long to realize she couldn't connect to anyone like she did me? Two possibilities. One, she, now seeing that other guys aren't any better, is going back to what she knows, is familiar with and safer. No offense, but not necessarily better or you are what is best for her, rather, she knows you. In a way, she could be settling. The other possibility is that she realized all along that she wanted to be with you, but thought by giving you time, her time, that you would change so that when she was ready, you would have changed. She dumped you after all. She probably thought that you'd not get over her so soon especially since you remained in contact with her.
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 It's probably more of a compliment than settling. When you go running back it's because no one is as good as you were to her. The relationship just had a lot of arguing the first time around. I see where it's a compliment but in the back of my mind is if it didn't work the first time why wouldn't it now
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Two possibilities. One, she, now seeing that other guys aren't any better, is going back to what she knows, is familiar with and safer. No offense, but not necessarily better or you are what is best for her, rather, she knows you. In a way, she could be settling. The other possibility is that she realized all along that she wanted to be with you, but thought by giving you time, her time, that you would change so that when she was ready, you would have changed. She dumped you after all. She probably thought that you'd not get over her so soon especially since you remained in contact with her. SHE remained in contact with me. I ignored most of her texts until recently. And I'm the same person I was 8 months ago
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 She just did a ton of traveling the last 8 months. It's crossed my mind she wanted to be single for that. Also I just think after 5.5 years you know if you wanna be with someone or not
soccerrprp Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 SHE remained in contact with me. I ignored most of her texts until recently. And I'm the same person I was 8 months ago Again, you remained in contact with her. You ignore most of her text, not all. So YOU remained in contact with her. Well, if you haven't changed and she still has the same expectations, then she will become dissatisfied again.
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Again, you remained in contact with her. You ignore most of her text, not all. So YOU remained in contact with her. Well, if you haven't changed and she still has the same expectations, then she will become dissatisfied again. I don't think it's bad I haven't changed. I treated her well. She just wanted more time I couldn't and can't give her now due to work and family obligations
soccerrprp Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I don't think it's bad I haven't changed. I treated her well. She just wanted more time I couldn't and can't give her now due to work and family obligations Not saying, in your situation, that it's bad that you didn't change. I'm saying that if you don't meet her to her expectations as they were or are, then the same issues will come up again.
Author Mbrown945 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Not saying, in your situation, that it's bad that you didn't change. I'm saying that if you don't meet her to her expectations as they were or are, then the same issues will come up again. No offense taken. Just taking things slow before a decision is made. Not trying to get burned again that's all
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