Gemini47 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Hello guys, I've been dating a girl for a couple of months and I can't stand her dog, and I'm wondering if there's any advice you can give me. Let me say there's nothing extremely wrong about the dog (other than just being a lame goofy dog), it's just that I've always been extremely allergic. Also, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, she brings the dog over to my house... Now, before the dog lovers tell me to go jump off a cliff, let me explain this: *I was raised w/o any pets. All I knew about dogs and cats growing up was that I'm very allergic to them. I consider my house my safe haven, my place that I can relax and be comfortable after a long crappy day at work. Any suggestions on what to do? I do really like her and hope it works out. Thanks!
pteromom Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 OK - so what are you going to do if it DOES work out? Make her leave her dog behind? She comes with the dog. You can ask her not to bring the dog to your place. You can always go to her place. But it is a short-term solution to a long-term problem. In your shoes, I would get allergy shots, vacuum after she and her dog leave your place, and not say a word about her dog to her. 1
amaysngrace Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Minus the age of the dog from ten and come back in that many years... She is not going to choose you over her dog, I'm almost positive of that. 1
Zahara Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I'm allergic as well to cats and dogs -- dander and saliva. I dated a guy that had a cat. Everything I touched made my eyes water and itch. Just walking into his home, I would start to feel my throat itch and eyes itch. Worst when we would have sex in his bed and I would be sneezing and coughing eventhough there were clean sheets and clean carpets! As much as I liked him, popping Benadryl at least 3 times a week wasn't good for me and sometimes it didn't help. I can't imagine bringing the cat into my house and causing me to flare up in my own home when I have to live there everyday. I understand how you feel in regards to the allergies. Maybe posters that are or have been in similar situations will be able to offer solutions that can help you work around this.
Sivok Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I have an orange tabby cat that's 10 months old. He's a longhair and shed's a bit - so an allergic person's worst nightmare. I love the guy to death and treat him like he's a child of mine. If a girl wanted me to get rid of him, I'd choose him over her any day . Interms of her bringing him around your house, have you told her you're allergic? I think she'll understand and try to get him looked after during house visits. 1
Janesays Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 If you are allergic to animals, dont dateb people who own animals. Simple. I would never date someone who didn't love my dogs. 3
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 If you are willing to take allergy meds do that. Otherwise you don't have too many options. For my 3rd date with my now husband we went on a hike. I brought my dog. In all candor I wanted to make sure the new guy liked the current dog because I wasn't attached to the guy yet & loved the dog. If they hadn't gotten along that would have been the end of the guy. My story has a happy ending because the dog cut his paw & the guy carried him all the way back to my car. Dog was a 60 lb Dalmatian. I fell a little in love right there. Ironically even though I'm the one who initially rescued the dog, once DH & I got serious, dog stopped caring about me & became DH's dog. 5
Shepp Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 OK - so what are you going to do if it DOES work out? Make her leave her dog behind? She comes with the dog. You can ask her not to bring the dog to your place. You can always go to her place. But it is a short-term solution to a long-term problem. In your shoes, I would get allergy shots, vacuum after she and her dog leave your place, and not say a word about her dog to her. I agree! Theres no long term future less one of you gives, and if shes half way decent it won't be her! Dogs are family! If I was you? - I'd just take an antihistamine
kaylan Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Tell the chick youre allergic and hopefully she respects your private space. Then just enjoy the relationship for what it is. Youll outlive the dog...maybe she wont get another one? lol. In reality just have fun for now, and if it doesnt work out...such is life.
mammasita Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 why did you say she could bring her dog to your house in the first place? 4
OpheliaSong Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 My dog is family. Before I date anyone they know she exists and will be a part of my life and anywhere I reside. I do not date people who are allergic regardless of how much I like them because I already love my dog....one of them has to be sacrificed. It will be guy I don't really know that well. 1
kaylan Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) Let me add, pets are family. They are like furry kids and best friends. If a woman expected me to part with my cat, she'd not be a long term prospect...and a FWB at best. Hes been with me for 11 years, his whole life, and over 40% of my life. Like I said, furry family. This all being said, if I was sure the chick was major catch, we would have to strike a huge compromise in terms of where and how we hang out. And I would make sure to keep my place clean, my cat out of my bedroom, and hopefully keep him off the furniture too. As it stands, I rarely let him sleep in my room, and hes usually not allowed in their at all. I just hate having to clean fur, hairballs, and other things off my clothing and bedroom carpet. But with the rest of the house, he jumps around on things when Im not around. He knows not to be on the counters and furniture when Im present. Edited February 26, 2014 by kaylan
Gaeta Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I have a dog and like the others on here if I ever have to pick between a man and my dog...my dog wins. That being said, as a dog owner I have a responsibility that I take very seriously. I cannot leave the office at 5h and go to my boyfriend, I need to go home to take care of my dog. That same responsibility implicates I do not leave my dog alone all day long + all night long. He needs company and exercise. If my boyfriend wants me to visit his place in the evening or stay over night I have no choice but to bring my dog. In our case my boyfriend has mild allergy reaction to my dog. Before bf arrives to my place I vacuum, change sheets, etc. Once I told my dog to get off my bed and my boyfriend said it was fine, he is not in my life to take my dog's place, he's ok to share with the dog. That was the sweetest thing I had ever heard So I guess you accept to suffer or you let her go. Before getting to that there is a lot of options for you to try like allergy shots, there is also homeopathic meds for dogs to shed less particles, products to spray on their coat to help with allergy reaction, etc.
newmoon Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 My dog is family. Before I date anyone they know she exists and will be a part of my life and anywhere I reside. I do not date people who are allergic regardless of how much I like them because I already love my dog....one of them has to be sacrificed. It will be guy I don't really know that well. 100%. the pets come first. but you have every right to not have them at your place; that's disrespectful to you and your home and she should honor that. just tell her you prefer to not have your clothes/furniture filled with dog hair. and don't pretend to like the dog or interact with it if you really don't like it; sadly I've had many bf's 'pretend' to like my animals and you can see the 'fakeness' when someone doesn't like an animal
bubbaganoosh Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Look. Just ask her that when she come over if she can leave Rover at home. If she knows that you have allergies and she says no, then find a girl without pets. I had a Bloodhound. Turned out to be a fine dog. One day at the park a lady made a comment about how my dog looked. She said he was homely. Truth be told..................he is but he's my dog. I told her that he's a Bloodhound. Baggy suit, big ears and a wrinkled face. That's a Bloodhound and what the hell do you think he should look like Brad Pitt? I told her that if she can't say anything nice then move on. It was like her saying that my kid was ugly.
Author Gemini47 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 As odd as this may seem, I don't tell her not to bring the dog over. The dog isn't allowed upstairs nor on my couch. I actually feel kinda bad telling her she can't bring the dog over, so I just see if she brings it or not. Most of the time she does, sometimes she does not. Part of me thinks that maybe I can grow to like it. I also know she hates leaving him in his cage when she's at work, so... I'm just going to have to bite the bullet for now. My allergies aren't too terrible, but I'm definitely itchy. And itchy is not fun but i guess i can deal. ***Although some advice please.... The dog is not allowed on her bed when I'm over. However, she tells me she lets him on the bed when she's alone. I've told her we can't not allow the dog on the bed when I'm there, and then allow it when she's alone (Hypocritical!) I'm assuming you guys agree that she should no longer allow the dog on the bed?
Gaeta Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Why exactly she should not let the dog on the bed? To not confuse the dog or something? Dog are smart, my dog sleeps on my bed when I am alone, when my boyfriend is over my dog knows he can only jump on the bed when he's indicated he can come up. So there is no problem for her to let her dog on her bed when she's home alone and to keep the dog off the bed when you're there. The dog will connect the dots. To help with your allergies she should change sheets when you come over and have a comforter somewhere she keeps for when you come over that the dog is not allowed on. My dog knows when there is a blanket on the couch it's ok for him to come up. If there is no blanket he sits by the couch and whine till I bring out the blanket, he knows. Same principal with the bed. Edited February 28, 2014 by Gaeta
spiderowl Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Does she know you are allergic to the dog? If she does, she's being very inconsiderate. How does your allergy manifest itself? I'm wondering if you are saying you are allergic but actually there are no signs you are so she is not taking it seriously. For some people, their dogs are a big part of their lives. If you don't like the dog, you will struggle. The dog will come between you because she likes the dog. She will pay it lots of attention, bring it along to meetings, and it will take up lots of her time. You must really like this girl if you are willing to put up with allergies and a dog you don't like invading your life. I do actually like dogs though I have seen how obsessed people become with their dogs when they acquire them. Dogs take up almost as much time and attention as babies.
spiderowl Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 If you are allergic to animals, dont dateb people who own animals. Simple. I would never date someone who didn't love my dogs. Just thought it worth mentioning that someone can love dogs and cats but still be allergic to them. An allergy is not a choice and it can make you feel crap and in some cases even kill.
Gaeta Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 She has no choice but to bring her dog with her. You cannot leave a dog home alone all day while you're at work then leave it all night alone. OP I don't know if she's the first dog owner you date but now you know what it implies. If this doesn't work then next time just pass when a cute dog owner comes along and gets your attention. Being a dog owner comes with responsibilities, it's like having a toddler that will never grow up, and this for 13 to 14 years. Yes it's part of our lives, it will demand from us time, money and energy. Each time I had a new date I told him right away. I have a dog and I take my role as a dog owner very seriously. If you're not cool with that it won't work. 1
VeronicaRoss Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I've volunteered at animal shelters and I'm here to tell everyone that people do indeed dump a pet because their SO doesn't want or like the animal. You're in a double bind. Find someone more compatible, please. If she is willing to get rid of an animal she loves, especially dump it at a shelter, you're getting a good long look at her character. My opinion is you might as well bookmark the Infidelity section of LS for future reference if someone is that willing to take a car ride to get rid of an animal that unconditionally loves and depends on them. Most animals placed in shelters get euthanized. The ones stuck in no-kill shelters usually are really depressed. Who wouldn't? If you bring this up and she says, "No problem, I'll get rid of Fido, you're more important." Than I implore you both to take the time and effort to NOT use Craigslist because a lot of research labs get their animals that way (Free!), or take him to the county shelter, but find a home for Fido with someone she knows and trusts. If that can't work, please find a no kill shelter or foster group in your area and sign up. It takes time but the decent thing to do. 2
Noproblem Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 her dog or cat is like her little baby brother or son You must love him if you want a serious relationship together Why don't you take medicine to stop this allergy?
Noproblem Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 I've volunteered at animal shelters and I'm here to tell everyone that people do indeed dump a pet because their SO doesn't want or like the animal. You're in a double bind. Find someone more compatible, please. If she is willing to get rid of an animal she loves, especially dump it at a shelter, you're getting a good long look at her character. My opinion is you might as well bookmark the Infidelity section of LS for future reference if someone is that willing to take a car ride to get rid of an animal that unconditionally loves and depends on them. Most animals placed in shelters get euthanized. The ones stuck in no-kill shelters usually are really depressed. Who wouldn't? . Yes, I was trying to tell him this but I forgot If she is willing to leave her dog because of you You really shouldn't trust her on the long run She would leave you someday as well for something better!
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