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HeartbrokenNewbie

By HeartbrokenNewbie
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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HeartbrokenNewbie Established Member

HeartbrokenNewbie

Posted
Posted

This forum was & still is such a strength for me.. There are so many stories on here that give me strength & get me through but just lately I have noticed a lot of hostility towards OP's.. Why is this happening.. I get we are all hurting & upset & yes harsh words are needed sometimes (I needed to hear them !) but there almost seems to be some very unwarranted & rude comments .. I know it's probably not my place to say & I will probably get shouted at for this post but ... Come on guys we don't need to be horrible to each other .. Say it how it is but there's no need to be cutting or personal xx if we were that cruel & heartless we wouldn't make the effort to come here for advice from others x

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Hey, when people start listening. Then, I'm a frickin sweetheart!

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HeartbrokenNewbie Established Member

HeartbrokenNewbie

Posted
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Posted

Yea but come on how many times did we have to be told before we started listening ! x I probably blew peoples minds up lol x

 

It is frustrating as we have been there and we know how it works now but remember how long it took us to learn that lol xx

4everalones Established Member

4everalones

Posted
Posted

I agree. Most of us are in a very vulnerable state right now. And although tough love helps a lot, there is no need to put people down and tell them how stupid they are for not listening.

 

Although this forum was an immense help for me and I really appreciate all the advice I received here, I found most of it to be generic without really taking the situation in hand into consideration. The replies I get are: he found someone else, he moved already, he doesn't love you, he never cared about you in the first place... I know these things are partially true, but come on!! If someone wants to give an advice, they should at least take the time to read the problem and analyze it according to that unique situation.

 

Still, big thank you to all the people here who try to help. It's such a wonderful support system.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think we've just been coming across a larger group of people that are just really stubborn about letting go. And yeah, I can understand when it first happens, people can be resistant. But, it usually doesn't take very long for them to see the logic of why NC and positive changes to one's life helps them to heal and move on. And it get frustrating watching this preventable abuse they keep on piling on themselves.

 

 

I mean, here are some examples of what we've been dealing with lately. THESE ARE NOT ACTUAL THREADS, just fictional scenario's:

 

 

OP: "So, my Ex called me and he said that he misses having sex with me. He want's to meet up on Friday to have drinks and talk."

 

 

ME: "Uh huh....don't go."

 

 

OP: "But he promises it's just drinks and conversation!"

 

 

ME: "Yeah.....right.......don't go!"

 

 

OP: "But I love him!"

 

 

ME: "I LOVE THE CHICAGO BEARS BUT I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH THEM! DON'T GO!!!!"

 

 

or

 

 

OP: "So, I've been NC for 4 months and my Ex contacts me out of the blue and tells me she's 2 months pregnant."

 

 

ME: "okay...so what."

 

 

OP: "Well, I still want her back. Do you think I should pay her hospital bills as a sign of good faith and to show her that I still love her and that I'll support her no matter what?"

 

 

ME: "WHAT?!?!?! ARE YOU FRICKIN HIGH!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! NO!!!!!! DON'T DO THAT!"

 

 

OP: "But, what if the baby is mine?"

 

 

ME: "You didn't major in math at college did you."

 

 

or

 

 

OP: THAT'S IT! If I don't get a breadcrumb by Friday, then I'm calling her and talking to her ass."

 

 

ME: "Don't break NC."

 

 

OP: "But I want to talk to her and tell her EXACTLY how I feel!"

 

 

ME: "Don't break NC."

 

 

OP: "Okay, Fine!"

 

 

Monday rolls around.

 

 

OP: " Well, you'll all be pleased to know that I didn't talk to her all weekend!"

 

 

ME: "Good boy."

 

 

OP: "I sent her a letter instead."

 

 

ME: "F*CK!!! REALLY DUDE?!?!?!"

 

 

That's what we've been dealing with. And it gets frustrating.

Edited by Chi townD
  • Like 4
CaliBabe Established Member

CaliBabe

Posted
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I get what you are saying...

 

When people come here, they are hurting.

 

We should all be more mindful of that. We just don't want the OPs to continue to make the same mistakes. It tough love.

  • Like 1
tlegend Established Member

tlegend

Posted
Posted
I get what you are saying...

 

When people come here, they are hurting.

 

We should all be more mindful of that. We just don't want the OPs to continue to make the same mistakes. It tough love.

 

I can sympathize. However, I also don't like beating around the bush. I don't call apples oranges.

Lucretius Member

Lucretius

Posted
Posted

Like someone said earlier in this thread, we're all hurting. If this site could become a dating site with all the current members I think the site would go offline pretty quickly as everyone communicates pretty deeply with each other here.

Everyone seems to understand the pain and everyone I have spoke to so far seems a sensitive soul. (only joined yesterday myself) Our dumpers would probably never be seen on a website like this, whether it had been the other way around or not...

 

Finding the right person for yourself out there in the big cruel world is so difficult *sigh*

tlegend Established Member

tlegend

Posted
Posted
Like someone said earlier in this thread, we're all hurting. If this site could become a dating site with all the current members I think the site would go offline pretty quickly as everyone communicates pretty deeply with each other here.

Everyone seems to understand the pain and everyone I have spoke to so far seems a sensitive soul. (only joined yesterday myself) Our dumpers would probably never be seen on a website like this, whether it had been the other way around or not...

 

Finding the right person for yourself out there in the big cruel world is so difficult *sigh*

 

Live your life for yourself....and sooner or later, the right person will find you!

Conners Established Member

Conners

Posted
Posted

I agree OP.

 

I could list a few users who are VERY BLUNT and harsh in the words they choose.

 

Saw an example earlier of some girl being hurt that her ex bf wont give ehr the time of day and posters are not very emotionally supportive and are like NC MOVE ON HE DOESN'T CARE.

 

While that is most likely the case - you can at least say it in a nicer way?

David87 Established Member

David87

Posted
Posted (edited)
I agree OP.

 

I could list a few users who are VERY BLUNT and harsh in the words they choose.

 

Saw an example earlier of some girl being hurt that her ex bf wont give ehr the time of day and posters are not very emotionally supportive and are like NC MOVE ON HE DOESN'T CARE.

 

While that is most likely the case - you can at least say it in a nicer way?

 

I agree, we can say it in a nicer way, but we see threads with the same subject all day and maybe that's why we say it very blunt sometimes. That Doesn't mean we don't care.

 

I hope that you remember Vincente and Bandido, we tried our best with them, for pages and pages but they never listened.

Edited by David87
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