Author Grizzly101 Posted March 14, 2014 Author Share Posted March 14, 2014 The fuse is lit? What does that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 The fuse is lit? What does that mean? It means the start of the destruction of your marriage. Threesomes, open marriages, or any activity that may involve another person or people have consequences. It may start out exciting and adventurous, but someone along the way gets jealous or breaks the rules. You two are lighting a fuse that may blow your marriage to bits. Really consider the consequences of doing this. You really have no clue of what you are about to get into. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grizzly101 Posted March 14, 2014 Author Share Posted March 14, 2014 That is possible. It is 100% a sure thing if I was to cheat. He feels that it is very normal that I would want to experiment with other people because I was so young and had no experience sexually except for him. I think there has to be rules. You don't do it without permission and understanding by both parties. You don't do it without each other. At this point we are talking about it. At this point he is reaching out and understanding my wants and not condemning me. Who knows, maybe it will be an all talk thing on both of our parts and we might not go through with it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 That is possible. It is 100% a sure thing if I was to cheat. He feels that it is very normal that I would want to experiment with other people because I was so young and had no experience sexually except for him. I think there has to be rules. You don't do it without permission and understanding by both parties. You don't do it without each other. At this point we are talking about it. At this point he is reaching out and understanding my wants and not condemning me. Who knows, maybe it will be an all talk thing on both of our parts and we might not go through with it at all. What if you do it and the guy keeps calling you, keeps telling you he can't forget that night and how passionate you made him feel. How he wants to do it again without your husband present. This happens Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grizzly101 Posted March 14, 2014 Author Share Posted March 14, 2014 I'm sure that happens, often. I think that if a guy was involved, I don't think it's a good idea I had his contact info for that reason, and vice versa. There would have to be strict rules... Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 I'm sure that happens, often. I think that if a guy was involved, I don't think it's a good idea I had his contact info for that reason, and vice versa. There would have to be strict rules... Do you think he/she couldn't get your contact info if they wanted it bad enough? Just consider this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grizzly101 Posted March 14, 2014 Author Share Posted March 14, 2014 I guess. It really didn't cross my mind until you brought it up. I think that having the right mindset going in would have to key. Seine who you do not share too many things in common with. Someone you only saw in a sexual manner. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 I guess. It really didn't cross my mind until you brought it up. I think that having the right mindset going in would have to key. Seine who you do not share too many things in common with. Someone you only saw in a sexual manner. OK.. You are warned.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lamron Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 OK.. You are warned.. .......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grizzly101 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 We have been very open and talking a lot. Sexy has been great. When I confessed about wanting to have the A, I told him I didn't want to tell him who the OM was. (Hope to get this OM out of system and continue being friends only) He tried to guess by saying "I know you have always wanted to have sex with "x" and I know you must think "x" is really hot, us it either if them?" I said no, and that I would really rather not say. That is when I made him tell me someone that he was attracted to. It's been a week or two and he asked me about it this morning. Again, I told him I didn't want to talk about the person because u didn't want him to feel awkward around them. If he asks again, do I actually tell him? Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Yes, if you are going to experiment with an "open relationship" part of the meaning of "open" is being "open" with each other. No secrets, no lies and then you hopefully can have an open relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Yep tell him. I also recommend you head to a poly board. You will get advice there from people who have actually been in this type of marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Grizzly, I agree you shold tell your husband the truth. If you are going to start experimenting honesty is the best policy. I do disagree with Shutterfly about the poly board. If you enter into any kind of lifestyle discussion it seems to me you and your husband are more into what would be called "swinging" that "poly" if it is just about the sex part. It is my understanding that the poly lifestyle takes it one step further and ENCOURAGES deep emotional relationships with other like two husbands. I do not think this is what you are looking for. And not matter what you choose, you two need to heve a discussion on boundaries. Most experst agree that non monagomous lifestyles DO NOT enhance a relationship with problems but bring those problems further to the surface. These rerlationships work best for people with STRONG, TRUSTING, relationships that can stick to agreements. You are opening a can of worms that it is hard to turn back from if one of you likes it much more than the other. Good luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grizzly101 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 H wants to know who the OM is that I contemplated cheating with. This would not be someone that I would being into our marriage. Too awkward... If had open marriage, it would be with "our" choosing. I want to get those thoughts of THE OM out. I have, at this point, decided against the A. I was asking if I had to divulge the information about that guy. I understand that if we took the open approach, I would have to be just that. Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Ah, the famous "open marriage." I personally have never understood this. If you just want to have sex with as many men as possible, why bother getting married? I've researched this topic over the years and have found numerous examples of open marriages where, over time, mistrust, anger, feelings of abandonment, and just plain old-fashioned jealousy take over. The couple either scraps the concept of f**king every member of the opposite sex they can coax into bed, or they separate and divorce. So back to my original question, why bother with marriage in the first place? Just go your own separate ways and screw anyone you want with no fear of any repercussions.Good luck to you both what ever you decide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grizzly101 Posted March 30, 2014 Author Share Posted March 30, 2014 I don't see this as a green light to F*** as many people as possible. I know it is a fantasy of his to sit back and watch me with another man. It is also a fantasy of to participate with me having sex with another person. I see it as a win/win situation, he gets what he wants and I get to experience someone else with his permission and not cheating on him. It is possible to be a one time thing, get it out of both of our systems. Link to post Share on other sites
Timmos Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 "Careful what you wish for." Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) Just be careful, Grizzly. These things very rarely go as planned. Far too often, someone becomes jealous. Someone likes it more than the other person and they don't want to stop. It is a huge risk to the primary relationship. Your H might like the idea now but then never be able to look at you the same. I've been told a story (here) where a couple did exactly this, the husband couldn't handle what he had seen, and he divorced his wife. Threesomes and the like rarely work but when they do, it's because the primary relationship is intensely strong and both partners go to great lengths to protect it. There is enormous trust and honesty. Your reluctance to tell your H the identity of your OM is a red flag before you've even begun. I think this is why you're getting so many people concerned. Personally, I really recommend you come completely clean with your H about where your mind has been (and about exactly whom) and get through/resolve that process before taking any more steps forward. Don't let your emotions and excitement rule your decisions. Edited March 31, 2014 by BetrayedH 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 get it out of both of our systems. As one who tried that, please understand that it does NOT get it out of your system whatsoever. Oftentimes, it makes you want it that much more. Or it will make your husband terribly jealous. There will start being the questions like, "was he better?" "How?" Etc... It is a terribly slippery slope you are on. In my first marriage, my husband and I thought we were intelligent, open, and honest enough to be able to handle exactly what you are going through and it culminated in our divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grizzly101 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Thank you for your honesty. I will admit that I do have concerns about jealousy, no matter how he refers to "sex is sex and different from love". He has almost become obsessed with wanting to make this happen. He brings it up during sex a lot, saying, " I can't wait to see you being f****d by some..." A turn on when using sex toys and him telling me to close my eyes and imagine it is anyone I want, but almost obsessed. Idk if this is because I know he had wanted this for a long time and I am finally willing to do it. One of the other reasons that my OM/fantasy can not be the guy & why I don't want to divulge his name. Do you guys think that should be a red flag that he is always bringing it up, asking me his bad I want it to happen when we are having sex? Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 He sounds too immature if it is that obsessive, not ready IMO to turn fantasy-voyeurism into reality. Once it becomes real from the life stories i know, very few were ever the same, nor were they the person they thought they would be going in once it started. If he just suddenly said no, could you get past your fantasy? On the flip side, how do you feel about him having another women? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I think the key might be to ask your questions and feel resolved about all of the answers OUTSIDE of the bedroom. Until you feel better about proceeding, I think you don't proceed. I do remember another story here (maybe a year or so ago) where a couple liked having sex in public, even with other guys around watching. During one of the sessions, the boyfriend told her to service some of the other men there. She did what HE wanted but afterwards she was unceremoniously dumped. We all saw him as a loser for having acted so poorly but she just lamented at having lost him. Get some of this crap worked out and discussed in advance and try to do it when you're not all worked up in the bedroom, engaging in the fantasy. I think it's ok to have the fantasy and perhaps to even act it out. But you really need to have all of the cards on the table up front about how far this will go, how many times, what he expects "in return," how you'll both handle unexpected feelings and so on. If you find that you still have unresolved questions, that's a good sign to keep waiting until they are answered. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts