L1234 Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 I'm confused. My ex-husband of 9 years and I divorced in April of 04'. We had reconciled for a short time after and that went south. We parted ways for 6 months and he came to me 2 months ago and said he wanted everything back. It was to be forever. Well, to make a long story short, it was great and everything was there, or so I thought. He tells me Monday the 17th that he feels pressure to make me happy and he doesn't know what he wants, but he'll let me know. So yesterday the 20th, he calls and tells me that he doesn't feel the same way that I do and that he's not ready for a committment. He thinks we should date other people, but take things really slowly between us. His words, "lay low." Which apparently to him means we can talk to one another, date other people, and when he's ready for a committment that I should be here waiting. In the meantime, I am not to wait around, but I am to be available when he's ready. Has anyone heard of such crap? We have a son together and sadly he thinks his parents are reuniting and that devistates me more than anything.
blinkless Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 Hate to hear this, how sad for the family unit. It would seem that there is a chance it won't work, with alll the ups and downs mentioned. But Im with you on the concept that he wants to see other people,it's a two way street. I would start socializing. I know one girl in a similar situation, both him and her are really good friends of mine. I fixed them up. All was fine, and the female fell hard, coming out of a long term marriage, which was never good. The male was new to the singles scene, to the tune of 26 years off the market, but was the victim of a living lie. Hurt him to the core of his being. Miss nurture and mr broken were perfect. Then as all good relationships go, problems arose, commitment issues. I guess her pressure to get it solidly established, didn't really work or help and now he is saying Maybe we see other people ' Now this is not what she wants to here, starts to date others cuz she doesnt want to be sitting at home resenting him due to her loneliness. She meets some nice guys, nothing intimate but working towards it, with one of her new dates. She is still seeing the original guy when they both want. Talking about the whole thing, he expresses that he isnt as comfortable with the arrangement as he thought he would be. So should she quit seeing the new guy cuz he isnt going to think like that anymore, or continue. Like I said these people are really good old friends, I saw the female every day I worked with her, i saw the male when ever. It just so happened I saw and hung out with him one evening, not trying to get invloved, but I will tell you these two people are saying the same thing and it means different things to each. He doesnt want to hear or think about her dating, but no where near not thinking about other women. Like I said I wouldnt break either's confidences, and I will not interfere, not my deal. Sorry that is so long, but after dealing with the two different outlooks I would say: Show him how it's done. Make him understand, you arent afraid to be adored by all or some of the other men alive. Show him tastefully that he could lose you to someone else. Some one who may even make you happy unconditionally, you just never know Decide to be alive.
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