darkmoon Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I think dinner as a first date is too long to sit talking with a quasi-stranger - do you?
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Yup dinner or a movie would always be my last choices.
Frank2thepoint Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 "Dinner" sounds formal. Dinner can be having a few slices of pizza, chatting while delicious cheese gets stuck between your teeth, and tomato sauce gets on your nose.
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Nope. I love dinner dates. (I get that they are expensive & therefore disfavored, especially as part of OLD) As dating goes on, longer & longer meals -- upwards of 4 hours with multiple courses & interesting wine parings that you have to dress up for -- is my preferred method of dining (as opposed to eating out which is more about sustenance & not wanting to cook lol) I like talking to new people. If somebody can't hold up their end of a conversation over the course of a meal, he's probably not the guy for me. Neither viewpoint is right or wrong but the trick is finding somebody who thinks like you do. 2
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Like anything else - I think it depends on the person and how you know them. With an OLD person, I think offer to go for drinks and if that is working well - maybe have dinner at the bar or move to the dining room. As for length, if you do drinks first..there is an easy escape. If you end up feeling a 'vibe', dinner is a very comfortable next step to keep getting to know the person. As for the movie - yup. That's just an awkward date. No talking..where do you put your arms, if it's romantic..then what? ugh. Don't even like thinking about it. 1
CarrieT Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I am a big foodie person (was a professional critic at one point) so I have no problem dining with complete strangers... Also - as far as critiquing potential mates - I find that eating with them (i.e., watching table manners, learning what they like and don't like, how they consume food) to be very informative. Ironically, I almost wrote off the guy that I just married during our first meal because he took me out for really good sushi and didn't order sake. I thought I was with a teetotaler and while I didn't need a lush, I was thinking it was a bit prudish. Turned out that as a surgeon, he won't risk his medical license by drinking any alcohol when he is driving. But I have learned a lot about the guys I was dating by having a meal with them and, for me, it was very, very informative. Besides, it was just an hour or so out of my life and often got me to different restaurants than I might have eaten at otherwise. 1
HappyLove Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 If it's through OLDing I always suggest coffee as a first meet up because you don't even know what they really look like and nowadays don't even know their voice (everyone wants to text). So coffee is nice and casual not a lot of pressure and hey if it doesn't work out you only spent $10. If I like the person the next date would be dinner. If you met them in person already, then dinner or an activity is appropriate. Like say I met you on the street or at a fair and you try to take me for coffee on our first date I'd think your a cheapskate.
hasaquestion Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I think dinner as a first date is too long to sit talking with a quasi-stranger - do you? Dinner is too serious. Coffee first. No expectations, so its easier to be comfortable. If coffee goes well, then propose a second date that involves food. I prefer Saturday lunch to dinner though. Less of a commitment than dinner, its easier to fit into schedules usually, and its nicer outside for walking around.
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I hate the whole 'let's meet for coffee'. If I'm going to go out on a date and try to get to know somebody - I expect both of us to invest more than 20-60 minutes at coffee. To me 'coffee' isn't a date but a 'let's meet'. And it's a 'trial' to see if you are worthy of date. What's the worst harm in having a real date with someone? I guess if that's the way you want to do it..fine. If you want to hear their voice or see what they look like - ask them to talk to you on the phone or send a pic. Honestly, if you haven't done either - I don't know how you can take someone seriously. While looks are important - I get this uncomfortable vibe here that everyone has a pretty high opinion of themselves and make all judgments based on looks. Quite frankly - the way OLD works..you've gotten to know their personality by texting or talking before meeting. Just an opinion.
Babolat Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I think dinner as a first date is too long to sit talking with a quasi-stranger - do you? I do, meet for coffee or a drink, walk in th park, something simple for me. I have had OLD dates that start here, then lead to a dinner, or movesto a different location if it's going well. But meeting a stranger for the first time, keep it simple and informal.
Babolat Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 To me 'coffee' isn't a date but a 'let's meet'. And it's a 'trial' to see if you are worthy of date. What's the worst harm in having a real date with someone? I guess if that's the way you want to do it..fine.. For me, I got stuck listening a to an unattractive woman (looked nothing like her pics) talk about herself, her dates, her OLD experiences, how hot she is, me, me, me, for 2 hours, and a $75 bill at the end. I was bored to tears and could not wait to leave. I do my best to keep the first "meet up" to a "meet up" to see if there is something there to persue more. 2
hasaquestion Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I hate the whole 'let's meet for coffee'. If I'm going to go out on a date and try to get to know somebody - I expect both of us to invest more than 20-60 minutes at coffee. To me 'coffee' isn't a date but a 'let's meet'. And it's a 'trial' to see if you are worthy of date. What's the worst harm in having a real date with someone? I guess if that's the way you want to do it..fine. If you want to hear their voice or see what they look like - ask them to talk to you on the phone or send a pic. Honestly, if you haven't done either - I don't know how you can take someone seriously. While looks are important - I get this uncomfortable vibe here that everyone has a pretty high opinion of themselves and make all judgments based on looks. Quite frankly - the way OLD works..you've gotten to know their personality by texting or talking before meeting. Just an opinion. Why should you go on a date with someone you haven't even met?
Kitchen Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I do drinks only, and then ask for dinner after if I think she's cool. There have been times when I've done dinner afterwards, and times when I haven't. Drinks is great for a first meet. Helps loosen you up (doesn't mean you have to get sloshed), but just being in the environment of a bar, beer in your hand, just puts you in more of a talking mode. And also, I don't want to be spending a ton of money on someone who I don't even know and might not be worth to get to know.
HappyLove Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 "While looks are important - I get this uncomfortable vibe here that everyone has a pretty high opinion of themselves and make all judgments based on looks. Quite frankly - the way OLD works..you've gotten to know their personality by texting or talking before meeting." I don't think that everyone has a high opinion of themselves, I think we've just done the OLDing enough to have gotten screwed/misled and now know better. You could date someone for months and still not know their true personality. When you are early dating you are meeting that persons representative not the REAL them. And OLD allows you to hide your personality even more so. It's not that people should be supermodels but when you meet up with your date and they are a good fifty pounds heavier than their picture or you see them and they are bald but only posted pics back when they had hair...it tells a lot about that person. Mostly that they are a liar. I've even continued dating guys who did this because even though they were heavier or had less hair they were still attractive so then I'd wonder why would you post something so much different? But then it would eventually be revealed that these were not stand up people at all. So when you show up looking hella different, that speaks volumes to me now. (I no longer OLD at the moment) 1
Phantom888 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I think dinner as a first date is too long to sit talking with a quasi-stranger - do you? Then you should talk on the phone or text/email for a while before you go on that 1st date. Yes, a 1st date with someone you know absolutely nothing about is scary. But a 1st date with someone whom you enjoy chatting with is absolutely wonderful. 1
Phantom888 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 The way I see it, a 1st date dinner is wonderful because if you two don't "click" at least you got a great meal out of it, and hopefully some clever conversation. I have only done OLD since my divorce, and met a bunch of wonderful women. The dates were all interesting. A few of them resulted in exclusive relationships. Yes they can be expensive, but I didn't go on dates every weekend, so to me it was reasonable. My 2nd choice would be a coffee shop so I could talk for hours with the lady. I've never done a meet and greet at a bar for drinks because I don't like drinking on an empty stomach, and potentially have a drunken conversation. That's just me.
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