John Derrick Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 A coworker and I have been dating for a little over three months now. I've known for a while that I've loved her, but am wary of actually saying it. When do you think might be an appropriate time given these facts? - She may be moving away in three months (tells me she is but a close friend of ours says she's undecided) - We started dating a few weeks after she left a relationship (wasn't because of me but both her and her boyfriend knew she liked me) - We're not officially together (have been dating for over three months but because she's uncertain as to what she's doing in a few months we thought it was best to just wait and see) - We've already been together so I wouldn't be saying this just to "get in her pants" I'm going to say it at some point whether she decides to stay or not. Even if she leaves, I am going to tell her because that's how I feel and I would want her to know. But is it best to wait a little longer? We're both taking a trip together next weekend so maybe depending on how that goes...
HappyLove Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I say if that's how you feel you should let her know. No matter what her response is. Would you let someone you love move away without ever telling them you love them? If it's how you feel put it out there. Sounds like you two aren't really in a relationship though so maybe she's not quite there, who knows. But I'd hope if someone loved me they'd let me know. 1
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I've always known when a girl has fallen in love with me. There is a look in their eyes that it unmistakable. Does she have that for you? 1
Frank2thepoint Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 If you don't care whether saying "I love you" to her means she will stay or move, then do it on this upcoming trip you mentioned. Don't look for a perfect opportunity, depending the trip goes. Grab her, look her in the eyes, and say it. Hell, say it in Spanish, the ladies love it when a man uses some Romance language on them: "te quiero mi amor" (<-- phrase from some Enrique Iglesias song. I do not own the rights to it. Use at your own risk).
Author John Derrick Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 I'm not sure where's she is at. She's definitely going through a lot personally that doesn't include us so I know I'm not her focus. I know she likes me and loves spending time and going on dates. I'm not necessarily basing me telling her how I feel off of where she stands. Meaning I'm not afraid if she's not at the point of reciprocating. I'm not saying she is or isn't. All I'm wondering is if now is a good time to say it. I'm gonna say it eventually it's just a matter of when.
Frank2thepoint Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 If you are questioning it, having doubts, then don't even bother saying it. Saying you love the person has to be meaningful, confident. You either take the leap and blurt it out, or just keep it in. But if you keep it in, you may regret not saying it at all. You should get yourself into that confident mindset that it doesn't matter what she thinks, because you want to tell her because you are confident about your feelings. 1
slizl Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I've always known when a girl has fallen in love with me. There is a look in their eyes that it unmistakable. Does she have that for you? 100% agree with this post.
carhill Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 We're both taking a trip together next weekend so maybe depending on how that goes... You've been dating awhile, are sexually active and feel like telling her you love her and are asking here when it's appropriate to do so. My opinion is contained within the quoted passage. Say it because you feel it and to free each other. Love is incredibly freeing. Wonderful thing. Good luck.
Author John Derrick Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 I'm confident in how I feel and I've made my mind up I am going to tell her. It's just a matter of when. Obviously I won't wait months. I think maybe after seeing how the trip goes. If it goes well, then I think it would be a good time. 1
soccerrprp Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I say immediately after the trip. Whether it goes fabulously or just, "meh", tell her then. If you really love her then the outcome of the trip shouldn't stop you. I've been in your shoes. It was worth it and as someone said, liberating!
MidwestUSA Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 During or after the trip sounds good. My BF/husband was very, very careful about making sure the first time he said it wasn't in bed, and I was quite grateful for that. As it turns out, he blurted it out unintentionally, in a hot parking lot on a 106F day, where I had locked my keys in the car with the engine running. It was a huge weight off his chest! Don't freak out if she's tongue tied, or doesn't reciprocate. It's about how you feel about her, and letting her know. Good luck!
Author John Derrick Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 All great advice! Thanks for all the opinions. They are appreciated!
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 - We're not officially together (have been dating for over three months but because she's uncertain as to what she's doing in a few months we thought it was best to just wait and see ... Based upon the above, do not tell her that you love her. She can't even agree that you are her BF. She's not going to react positively to a declaration of love, especially while she is still ambivalent. Until she makes a decision about moving, I'd play it close to the vest. I fear that this will not result in a happy ending. 2
aussietigerwolf Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 whether the reaction is good or bad you don't want to live with the regret of not telling her. I waiting for people to tell you that you need to wait years before you say that though
Phantom888 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 DO NOT SAY IT...EVER. After 3 months she is still unsure about the relationship, so you know there is really no future in this. She is moving away soon. Why are you wasting your time? Move on, and keep those feelings for someone who will have a potential future with you. Love is a big deal. Don't waste it on someone who is obviously not the one. 1
soccerrprp Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I had to laugh at some of the people saying NOT to say it b/c she's leaving or doesn't even know if they are a couple...etc. OP, do you love her? You are aware that she may be leaving, so you need to be prepared to lose her even after the confession. Are you prepared for that? Here are the reasons why you should: 1. You love her. 2. You have NOTHING to lose by confessing, but potentially, much to gain. If you don't tell her then you will feel sad anyway. Perhaps even regret may creep in. If you really love her then you should do it while she's here and not when she's gone. 3. If you do tell her, she will remember that. It may creep her out, it may surprise her, but she will now know. And w/o her knowing YOU HAVE NO chance of her wondering "what if." 4. Life is too short not to. I was in a very similar situation. If I had sought the advice of LS member when I was considering it, I would have been torn and likely not done it. Thank goodness I didn't seek out LS members for advice on this. I told my current gf knowing that she was moving and having already (I thought) determined that we would not work anyway. I told her b/c I truly loved her. I was ready and expected rejection. I already knew she was moving, but had nothing to lose. No regrets baby! It was one of the most liberating, exhilarating feelings to be able to tell her. 1
MuffMan6969 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Instead of saying the akward L word, how about if all goes well on your trip, when you get home, take her out for a special romantic evening and when the timing is perfect say " I have fallen for you big time, and I hope you change your mind about moving because I want to spoil you forever"....See what she says.
Author John Derrick Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Thank you all for the continued advice. The trip was great, was sad to see it end. We both had a great time. I'm still struggling trying to decide on how to approach this. I'm 99% sure she will be moving but it has nothing to do with me. I'm also certain that my feelings are the same. I know she cares for me and everything but I know she's tried keeping an emotional distance between the two of us because she feels it needs to end. We've taken a step back with the intimacy (we still kiss but that's about it) because she's scarred about becoming too attached. I really do love her but I fear that it can't be returned. Should I still voice this and if so is there actually a good way to do it?
Tayken Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 A coworker and I have been dating for a little over three months now. I've known for a while that I've loved her, but am wary of actually saying it. When do you think might be an appropriate time given these facts? - She may be moving away in three months (tells me she is but a close friend of ours says she's undecided) - We started dating a few weeks after she left a relationship (wasn't because of me but both her and her boyfriend knew she liked me) - We're not officially together (have been dating for over three months but because she's uncertain as to what she's doing in a few months we thought it was best to just wait and see) - We've already been together so I wouldn't be saying this just to "get in her pants" I'm going to say it at some point whether she decides to stay or not. Even if she leaves, I am going to tell her because that's how I feel and I would want her to know. But is it best to wait a little longer? We're both taking a trip together next weekend so maybe depending on how that goes... Why don't you wait for her to tell you this? You have to really think of this before you throw that out there...is this sexual related i.e. she is cute, great in bed etc or is she sincere, caring, brings more to the table than just sex, has a good job, mutual respect etc? Have all that checked off before saying that nonsense to somebody
Author John Derrick Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 So I decided not to tell her how I felt. Since the vacation didn't change our situation, I've stepped away from her to give her some space. No texting or eating lunch at work together anymore. I occasionally have been making small talk at work just so I don't appear to be a jerk. She has noticed me pulling away and has asked me to eat with her a couple times (I did one time). I've just been saying I have been too caught up with work. It's been about two weeks since we've come back from the trip. I really miss spending time with her and I've realized my feelings really haven't changed but I am worried about breaking contact for two weeks completely and then coming back and saying I love you. I also think the space is good because I think she does miss me a little bit. Should I keep spending time apart for a little longer to see if she misses me anymore or should I just tell her how I feel now? When and if I do tell her, I'm not going to beg or even ask her to stay. I am comfortable telling her I love her just so she knows and not because she has to stay. What she does with that information is up to her. Thanks for the continued advice!
momx4 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I think you should tell her on the trip. If my boyfriend loves me I want him to tell me. I'm in your shoes...I love my boyfriend & don't know when to tell him. I wish we were going on a trip because I think that would be the perfect time.
Author John Derrick Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Actually already went on the trip and have been spending some time apart right now. I'm just having a difficult time deciding if the time apart is making her miss me or if it is making it easier to move on.
HappyLove Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Ok, let's say you decide not to tell her and a month from now she meets a great guy. Six months from now she's engaged to him. Will you be glad you never told her how you truly felt about her? 1
Tayken Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 A coworker and I have been dating for a little over three months now. I've known for a while that I've loved her, but am wary of actually saying it. When do you think might be an appropriate time given these facts? - She may be moving away in three months (tells me she is but a close friend of ours says she's undecided) - We started dating a few weeks after she left a relationship (wasn't because of me but both her and her boyfriend knew she liked me) - We're not officially together (have been dating for over three months but because she's uncertain as to what she's doing in a few months we thought it was best to just wait and see) - We've already been together so I wouldn't be saying this just to "get in her pants" I'm going to say it at some point whether she decides to stay or not. Even if she leaves, I am going to tell her because that's how I feel and I would want her to know. But is it best to wait a little longer? We're both taking a trip together next weekend so maybe depending on how that goes... Oh No.....workplace romance, never ends well mate. You've heard the saying..."don't **** where you work"? Why on earth would you get involved with someone that just left a relationship? This is going to backfire on you big time as she hasn't had the time to reflect yet and she is not thinking straight Put the sex aside and think rationally
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