bobby326 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Hey guys, I put a recent thread on here about this girl I met through online dating that I seemed to have a really good connection with. Just wanted to give you an update and see if anyone could offer any advice. So far we have been on 5 dates, we met 2 weeks ago. All of them were pretty formal dates except the 3rd time she came over my house and just watched TV. The next day we did an activity date and dinner and it seemed to go well, I ended up sleeping at her place (on the couch) and we made out a lot and fooled around a little bit. So far it seems to be going well, last night she came over and we went to dinner and she hung out for a little bit and kissed a bit. Here is my issue/concerns, she rarely reaches out to me, I mean texting/calling, I gave it a day of no contact and she ended up asking me how my day was so that felt good. I'm not getting a very good vibe that she likes me a lot or is that interested. I know she is new in town and does not know many people so I almost feel like she's hanging out with me because she's bored. Maybe she just doesint show emotion a lot? So after last night I said I had a great time and we should get together again soon, she did not suggest a specific date and I didn't, should I just let her reach out to me and suggest something? I don't want to always be the one to setup the date or to reach out to her. I know it has only been 2 weeks and it takes time to be fully comfortable around someone but when I think back to past relationships I felt like it was much easier, although that was when I was in college with a ton of free time, we both have full time careers now and are very busy. Anyway, this is all new to me, last gf was of almost 5 years and we started dating in college so this whole dating thing and hanging out and talking sporadically is new and strange to me, if anyone can shed some light on what the hell I'm suppose to do next I'd appreciate it lol, thanks again!
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 First off how did you end up staying the night at her place on the couch?
Author bobby326 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Haha we both fell asleep on the couch together and when I woke up she moved into her room, she didnt make me sleep there.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Well I suggest making another date and finding out what that bedroom is like my friend. Sounds like your sitting at a green light to me. 1
Author bobby326 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Well I suggest making another date and finding out what that bedroom is like my friend. Sounds like your sitting at a green light to me. Thanks and I plan on going out with her again but I'm not looking for someone just to sleep with and to be honest I don't care if she wants to have sex right away, my real question is where do I take this next, do I just continue to schedule sporadic dates/hang outs and talk to her every now and then and then eventually ask her what she wants out of this or let her bring her up, I'm looking for dating/relationship advice not how can I get in her pants.
TXGuy Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 A surprisingly large percentage of women expect men to do almost all of the initiating. It used to bother me because I see that as a lack of interest. But from what I can tell, many women can be very interested, yet will still wait for the man to do the initiating. It sounds like this one might be that type of woman. As long as she is expressing interest during dates and in her replies, I'd lust take the reins and lead the interactions with her. 1
Versacehottie Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Thanks and I plan on going out with her again but I'm not looking for someone just to sleep with and to be honest I don't care if she wants to have sex right away, my real question is where do I take this next, do I just continue to schedule sporadic dates/hang outs and talk to her every now and then and then eventually ask her what she wants out of this or let her bring her up, I'm looking for dating/relationship advice not how can I get in her pants. ok, i see this relationship as having a ton of potential. It's only been 2 weeks and you have been a gentlemen as well as what sounds like a great date planner. That's attractive. Definitely taking the guy role which is probably only reason she is not CHASING you. Gosh, I don't understand why guys can't see it this way. I think it's because the world has changed so that enough women chase guys now so it's totally confusing, but you have to understand no matter which generation we are talking about a lot of women still operate under the traditional way of contact. Like you will be the one mostly initiating until you move toward a defined relationship. Trust me, I doubt she would see you this much if she wasn't interested. If it feels good when she contacts you first or if she was to suggest a date, you need to start dropping hints. Next time you go out say something for sure with regard to calling or initiating texts. You could tease her or be more direct if she is more serious type. Maybe also say something to make sure she is not just hanging out with you because she doesn't know many people in new city. It would be a shame if a relationship that has potential falls apart just because of misunderstanding or both parties being in some sort of standoff. I would put my money on that she is just operating under a traditional contact norm. I would also say that since you DO do the guy thing, start to embrace it. Seriously, going to get you much further will girls in long run. We like a guy who goes after what he wants--inherently shows confidence. Good luck. 1
slizl Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Five dates in two weeks? I think she is into you. You fell asleep on her couch? Time to make a move buddy. 1
Versacehottie Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 A surprisingly large percentage of women expect men to do almost all of the initiating. It used to bother me because I see that as a lack of interest. But from what I can tell, many women can be very interested, yet will still wait for the man to do the initiating. It sounds like this one might be that type of woman. As long as she is expressing interest during dates and in her replies, I'd lust take the reins and lead the interactions with her. Exactly--perfectly put. That's exactly how we feel especially if we are a woman worth having. You know: not desperate.
Author bobby326 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Five dates in two weeks? I think she is into you. You fell asleep on her couch? Time to make a move buddy. I actually tried to take it further and she stopped me, so I didn't force the issue because I wanted to be respectful. I at least know she's not in this just for a hookup because trust me I tried. As far as taking the reins and control, I don't have a problem doing that but when the favor is never returned sometimes it kills my confidence, I guess positive feedback to this would motivate me more to go this route. I guess my issue is it's so early in the dating game and I don't want to be overbearing or clingy, I want to give her her space. Would you feel that at this point it would be too much to shoot her a text asking about her day everyday or giving her a call or give it a few days in-between? Like I said, the dating world at this stage in my life (I'm 26, she's 27) is quite a bit different than it was when I was in college, just trying to learn how this works.
Versacehottie Posted February 28, 2014 Posted February 28, 2014 I think you have to take your cues from one another. And most importantly rather than any planned contact, do things when she pops into your mind. Like shoot her a text if you see something that she would relate to or that you have discussed on one of your dates. That builds repoire. Also be contact with the purpose of asking her out and have the experience together so you can build on mutual conversations/experiences together afterward. I think even though we may want or enjoy contact that comes in "as scheduled", in the long run the best kind comes from the heart and is spontaneous--other than planned call or text to ask her out. Eventually she will reciprocate too if you are texting her for example about things you mutually have discussed or little things she notes in her day that she thinks will interest you. I wish I could explain better but hopefully this has helped. Good luck
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