Lisa100small Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 I was good friends with a guy for ten months because I thought that he liked me and that if I was his doormat, he would fall for me. Right? Wrong. I was taking care of him, paying hs bills, doing his HW 9we go to the same college), being his shoulder to cry on, being supportive of his goals and all that other stuff. Well, he went to NY for the summer and I didnt hear from him for 2 weeks.said he was busy looking for a job. Then he calls me because he needs money, like a fool, I give it to him...this goes on for a while. Then he comes back, still summer, and ignores me and treats me like crap and dicthes me for his friends until I demand an explanation. He drops the bomb: he has a gf now, whom he met in new york but he has known her as a friend for a yera already. whata bastard. I cried of course and he didnt care, he told me he liked me only as a friend. I dropped his *ss like a bomb. He said that he would call me, I told him not to bother.........and he didnt unti about 2 montsh later, to see how I was doing. I told him I was doing fine and stuff....then yesterday, which is 4 months after he called me, he emails me and I bump into him and he's all "I missed you and how are you". I told him i was fine. The old me, desperate for his affection I would be all over him and trying to get him to focus on me but this time I didnt. I talked to him while looking for a book I needed (at the school's bookstore), and he was asking me all these questions, I was polite and stuff and then I tod him bye and left. The ol me would have followed him around like a puppy. i think he was kinda shocked that I didnt follow him around or beg him to stay or anything or offer to do anything for him. So when I got home I checked my email and basically he said that he was worried about me and he thought I was dead and he missed me and he hoped to hear from me soon. I havent emailed him back, I received this email on Wednesday too, the same day I bumped into him at the bookstore. Now, i found out that we take a class together, he missed the first class and I was sick so I missed the 2nd class meeting.....but this time we wil both be there. So bow here are my questions: Should I email him back and if so what should I say? How should I behave around him in class? Should I remain civil to him or just be a bitch? Do you think he realizes that he lost a good thing and wants me back not that I would take him back..... Does anyone have a similar experience and what did you do? I'm not sure if he is stil with his gf who lives in NY, we live in Louisiana so I'm not sure. He hurt me so much, I let him use me and treat me bad......I needed to love myself more and now I do......since then I have tried to grow from this bad experience. No longer do I cry over him or wonder what he's doing every minute. I think I have made progress......I'm doing well in school and stuff.....but I would like some advice on this. I dont want this guy back.....just want some answers...thanks for reading.
littlelaxer Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 From what i read he used you and thats that. It seems like u were the heart of the relationship....did u have one?? I would say NO dont email him. Nothing. If u see him be nice. Do the kill 'em with kindness deal but dont fall for his tricks. Like u said u picked urself back up u are doing well in school and ur life from what i read is going well.....the last thing u need is for him to drag u down again. Stay away from him. He was a jerk and u dotn need that. He used u for money, and like u said he only called when he was away for that.....come on girl ur better then that! yea sure back then u would do anything for him....but u HAVE to be stronger. Stronger for YOU. Ok?!?!? u do what u want to do by my advice is to stay away from him.
poister Posted January 22, 2005 Posted January 22, 2005 From what you've written, it sounds like you know you should stay away from him. So, to recap what you're probably already thinking: Q: Should I email him back and if so what should I say? A: No, you shouldn't. Q: How should I behave around him in class? A: Don't sit next to him, don't work with him on group projects if any, don't go out of your way to speak to him, but be civil. Q: Should I remain civil to him or just be a bitch? A: How about a compromise on civil but distant? Q: Do you think he realizes that he lost a good thing and wants me back not that I would take him back..... A: Honestly, no. I think he realizes that he lost something that provided quick easy gratification (e.g., money, attention), and may want that back, but it doesn't sound like he ever valued you as a person. (Sorry, I know that probably hurts.) Q: Does anyone have a similar experience and what did you do? A: I did the opposite of what I'm advising and it was a bad bad idea. I got hurt often by this person. Q: I'm not sure if he is stil with his gf who lives in NY, we live in Louisiana so I'm not sure. A: It's not relevant - your presence never stopped him from finding a GF last time, so even if you do get together, he'll find another. As was said previously, you are too good for this. Your post makes you sound intelligent and eloquent, so look for someone better than Mr. User - you're worth it. Good luck.
roxy_1980 Posted January 22, 2005 Posted January 22, 2005 I hate to be the one who has to point out the most logical thing that's happening, but no-one else is. He already said YOU ARE ONLY A FRIEND. Sure, he was a crappy friend that took your money, but still just a friend. You broke off all contact for a long time, he may only want to re-kindle the friendship. He misses you as a friend. As for the class, you don't have to talk to him if don't want to. It's probably a big lecture hall. If it's too painful, sit somewhere else. Don't be a bitch, yelling at him in the lecture hall makes you only look crazy. Be civil. And who knows if you look around at the other guys in the class instead of worrying about him, you'll find someone better for you.
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