HeartbrokenNewbie Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Not sure I put this in the right section before... Ive found out that the guy I was dating for 3 months (it was getting serious, we were spending all our spare time together, sleeping together, seeing each others kids) has got back with his ex... Im really upset because I had not long come out of a LTR and I was still hurting when I met him which he knew and I had always asked how the relationship with his ex was (he always said never again they tried too many times)... he hasnt told me this I have had to work it out for myself (Im definitely right). I feel Ive been mislead and had I have known I would not have got involved especially as I was already hurting. I actually ended things with him last week (because I knew something was up in the space of 4 hours he went from totally into me to contact stopping and then had to chase him up) and now my fears have been confirmed... Would I be right to say something... I feel he should have been honest with me and Im a bit angry and very disappointed.. I also feel quite used? x
David87 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 No, don't say anything. Delete him from social media, your phone etc. Start NC and never look back
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Thats what I have done but still feel like i should say something... it seems so off x
David87 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Thats what I have done but still feel like i should say something... it seems so off x What would you like to say to him ? Say it to me first . 2
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 I kinda just wanna say... I did really like u and I hoped it would go somewhere and to be honest had I have thought your ex was still in the picture I would not have got involved especially as I was still hurting from my past relationship. I feel slightly mislead and a little used... I was happy to see how things went I only wanted to take things slow but it was you that started saying u missed me and wanting to meet the kids and pushing it... and then u go back to your ex in the middle of seeing me.... bit off x I actually would have admired u for trying to make things work with the mother of your kid... jeez I tried enough to keep my family together! ...u only had to be honest x Something like that !! lol x
Iguanna Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 My first instinct is that you find him with his ex and humiliate him in front of her. He has no right to play with people's feelings and get away with it. I don't know if I would actually do it, but I would definitely not stay silent, I'd do something about it. 1
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Yea x problem is it was only 3 months don't wanna come across psycho ! x
soccerrprp Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Sorry, but he was hiding things b/c he wanted to enjoy your company until he had the opp. to get back with his ex. He wanted to be certain that he had a solid chance with his ex before making any moves to end it with you. I'd be pissed too. I wonder if his ex (now on) knows about you? I'm sorry. It really sucks how people who have just been out of a relationship go into rebound mode and not prepared to go into another relationship. Such people can be manipulative and deceptive as you now know. Just don't get involved with someone who is freshly out of a relationship. Ugh.
soccerrprp Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Yea x problem is it was only 3 months don't wanna come across psycho ! x If you have a need to say something, then make it w/o anger, hostility. But, ultimately, he won't care much now that he's back with his ex. Try to move on....just ugly. Ugh.
Iguanna Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Yea x problem is it was only 3 months don't wanna come across psycho ! x It's not the time that matters but the type of relationship you had, you said you were serious, you were close. Even if you come out as psycho, he has done something worse than this anyway. He is to blame for his action, not you for your reaction.
Iguanna Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 If you have a need to say something, then make it w/o anger, hostility. Why not? He didn't care for her feelings and used her, why should she be civil now? I'd create a big public scene or something else really big that I can't think of now.
David87 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 If you get some kind of closure by saying this to him then just do it. He was a jerk btw.
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Im not sure it will make me feel any better... if there's one thing I remember from the end of my LTR it was that anything I did say I only regretted later.... its just so hard... things were going really well x 1
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Your feelings seem rational but saying something isn't going to change anything. Just let it go. Chalk it up to him being a jerk & move on.
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 They always seem to be jerks honestly... one day I will find the right one.... I really played it cool aswell and done my homework... still got it wrong... grrr ! x
David87 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 They always seem to be jerks honestly... one day I will find the right one.... I really played it cool aswell and done my homework... still got it wrong... grrr ! x Can wait to see you on the `dating` section of LS telling us what a nice guy you have . I wish you the best.
pickflicker Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Why not? He didn't care for her feelings and used her, why should she be civil now? I'd create a big public scene or something else really big that I can't think of now. And look like a complete psycho the process. Silence is golden, dignified and more importantly, more unsettling than "creating a public scene". If she wants to completely throw him off-balance, do the unexpected - walk away. 3
Iguanna Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 And look like a complete psycho the process. Silence is golden, dignified and more importantly, more unsettling than "creating a public scene". If she wants to completely throw him off-balance, do the unexpected - walk away. I've come to learn in my life that you should treat someone the way they treated you. I've not always succeeded in this, cause I've wanted to be civil most of the times, but this just makes jerks continuing to be jerks and victims continuing being victims. So now he just continues living his life happily and she is miserable. Justice should be pursued. She should teach him a lesson that he can't play with people's feelings. And I don't care if I'd be ridiculed in front of people, he will be the one ridiculed to be honest when people would hear what I would say about him. In my country we say, half his shame - half my shame.
David87 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I've come to learn in my life that you should treat someone the way they treated you. I've not always succeeded in this, cause I've wanted to be civil most of the times, but this just makes jerks continuing to be jerks and victims continuing being victims. So now he just continues living his life happily and she is miserable. Justice should be pursued. She should teach him a lesson that he can't play with people's feelings. And I don't care if I'd be ridiculed in front of people, he will be the one ridiculed to be honest when people would hear what I would say about him. In my country we say, half his shame - half my shame. What about `Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me`? 1
Iguanna Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 What about `Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me`? He'll never know what he did and pay for it unless she ridicules him.
pickflicker Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 He'll never know what he did and pay for it unless she ridicules him. Oh honey - he doesn't care. He'll just laugh in her face. This isn't Hollywood. The bully doesn't get permanently shamed and vow to be different. They just go on their merry way. The classiest thing do to is walk away. Believe me, you'll get more apologies from asshats if you go silent than if you try and exact some feeble justice. 5
David87 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 He'll never know what he did and pay for it unless she ridicules him. I'm not ok with this approach but it's not my call to make.
Iguanna Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Oh honey - he doesn't care. He'll just laugh in her face. This isn't Hollywood. The bully doesn't get permanently shamed and vow to be different. They just go on their merry way. The classiest thing do to is walk away. Believe me, you'll get more apologies from asshats if you go silent than if you try and exact some feeble justice. You're right. I'm obsessed with my own way of justice and I hate it when someone plays with someone's feelings. It sucks. 1
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Im not going to say anything I guess theres no point and silence does speak volumes... Im still pretty angry about it though.. will be interesting to see if I ever hear from him again.. thank you for all your help xx 1
Zahara Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 He'll never know what he did and pay for it unless she ridicules him. The thing is, if the guy had no problems acting like an asswhole in the first place, I don't think he has the conscience or the care to be affected by what OP has to say to him. He'll probably roll his eyes, deem her a drama queen and go about his day. 2
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