saintly Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 So, after a night like this one, I couldn't take it anymore. I'm not sure if posts like this are okay in this forum but I'm not sure what else to do. For ease sake, I'm going to call my friend 'Damian' and his ex, 'Maria.' To start, Damian and I are in a friends with benefits situation. We have been for awhile, so that's the nature of our relationship. We both consider each other to be best friends. Maria and Damian were together for 3 years and got engaged. Maria cheated on him. She broke up with him(note: she told him he cheated on him AFTER the break up but he assumed somehow). Maria hacked his facebook, slandered him to friends, talked about him badly constantly, etc. Damian and Maria attempted to be friends(I wasn't here for this and I don't understand how). Maria got back with Damian after being with the person she cheated on him with. They broke up after a week. This went on for a really long time, about 7 months. This sort of pattern, that is, but after the first time they never officially got back together, she just ditched her current boyfriends for awhile. After those 7 months, Damian stops talking to her completely and starts going on a, 'I hate Maria' rampage. This is where our friendship got a bit better. He expresses desires to get her social networking deleted and goes on this whole tirade about the desire for her life to crumble. It's weird, but people get angry. That was in 2012. It is 2014, and his desires haven't changed. A few weeks back, we decided to go back on memory lane and look at how we acted towards each other. I used my old phone as a capsule for this - so he decided to do the same. It got sidetracked as he found texts from her and we began a discussion about that. Essentially, he tells me he doesn't understand why she left him or why she was so upset with him as a person. He's tried talking to her (I've seen it and been there) and she avoids the question or just starts berating him. I tell him there's no way to know that. He goes on to say he did everything right and he loved her and I simply say, 'maybe it wasn't right for her.' This goes on, and on, until I realize it and just say, 'We can speculate all night, Damian, but we're never going to know for sure and you just have to accept that. Maybe you did something wrong, maybe you didn't. You know how you acted and you need to have faith in that.' But, honestly, at this point, he's irritated, so, eh. His reasoning is the following, as verbatim as I can make it: "But what did I do wrong? If I can do everything right, and have someone still act like this towards me, then why should I be with anyone? She was terrible to me when she was the one who cheated on me. She's dating all these different dudes but she doesn't treat them the way she treated me. So, it couldn't be fake - look at all these messages [reads them to me ...] ; it couldn't be fake, right? what if it was? how can i trust anyone, if it was? She did such terrible things to me, and how can she just forget that? How could she forget me? You know she's forgotten about me, already, dude." I don't know what to do to that. I haven't been through as many break ups as he.. I've only been broken up with once, so, its harder for me to relate, and he knows this, so, he doesn't like talking to me about it. So, I don't know. I need some advice. I don't know what to do with him. it's been, like, 2 years already. He still legitimately keeps tabs on her, and from recent events, so does she. I can't just tell him to get over her in any manner because he feels like I'm trivializing his feelings whenever I do that. He wants to 'get back at her' and over the years, I've made stray comments or just ****ing asked, like, 'What then? After you do that, what then?' At that point, he gets angry with me, and I give up because I feel like he knows it's never going to be enough but doesn't want to admit it. I mean, I've seen him alter and destroy pictures of her and he'll show it to me with ****ing joy, you know? It freaks me out, sometimes, legit. He knows how I feel about it but he writes it off as me, 'just not supporting him' or something. And I can't lie, I don't support doing that type of thing, after so long. A few weeks? Burn them. Burn the photos. But after 2 years, when you purposely go looking for photos to do 'funny' stuff to? I don't know, man. I really need help about this.
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