Chris715 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) It's been 16 MONTHS since my break up with my ex and I still feel emotionally stuck and like I can't move on from her. Tonight I got off work, got something to eat, went home on the computer, and one of my first impulses was to go to Facebook and unblock her in hopes of seeing that she's single (I didn't do it, but the temptation's always there). My whole relationship with her almost feels like some terrible addiction that I'm dealing with. She broke up with me and I was forced to go cold turkey, had TONS of "withdrawal symptoms" that I'm still dealing with (depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, worsened OCD to name a few), and now I'm at that point where the addiction is over but it's one of those things where the cravings are mostly gone but you're really addicted for life with the potential to relapse at any time. Did I really just compare my ex and my relationship to a drug addiction? Guess that's how I feel about it now. The emotional pain over that period of the break up was the worst I've ever experienced in my life and the whole thing has left me scarred. I need some help here guys. What the heck do I have to do to be at peace with this?!?!? At a loss here. Edited February 26, 2014 by Chris715
thefear Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Hi Chris I can give you the advice people have given me..but it hasn't worked. That's not to say it's bad advice, it just hasn't saved me. Maybe we need to save ourselves. You've clearly made improvements, well done man. I haven't really. Time is all well and good but I think it's what/who we fill that time with. A new girl could solve it for you, or maybe something drastic like a big trip somewhere? Stay strong dude, people like us need to help each other out as much as possible.
StringsAttached Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) Did she have any flaws/vices? Was she unattractive? Was she slightly overweight? Did she have 2 chin hairs which are visible under a microscope? You're putting her on a pedestal, what you need to do is blow her flaws out of proportion. It really helps if she had major issues but imagine her walking round town farting or something. That'll help you get over her pretty quick. In the meantime start working out and getting fit and focus on yourself. You'll start reaping the benefits when 8's and 9's start eye ****ing you on a regular basis. Edited February 26, 2014 by StringsAttached
Author Chris715 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Hi Chris I can give you the advice people have given me..but it hasn't worked. That's not to say it's bad advice, it just hasn't saved me. Maybe we need to save ourselves. You've clearly made improvements, well done man. I haven't really. Time is all well and good but I think it's what/who we fill that time with. A new girl could solve it for you, or maybe something drastic like a big trip somewhere? Stay strong dude, people like us need to help each other out as much as possible. I'm in college so a big trip right now would be out of the question. Any time I meet women I find myself thinking of them as a replacement for my ex and how they'll never compare, so I haven't gotten really close to anyone over this period either, which I acknowledge is definitely part of my problem. And I agree with you, I think we do need to save ourselves, not rely on someone else to come into our life and do the saving, even if that seems more appealing at times.
shorty1988m Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Take up a hobby that will take up all your time. It really helped me with my depression and bipolar disorder which really ramped up post BU. I found snowboarding. Its a sport you can continue to push and be better, theres a lot of research and reading and movies based around it, it can help you meet new people! 1
tem7074 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I know pretty much how you feel. I am about the same amount of time after a break-up from a short relationship (only 6 months with half of it long distance!). I experienced the awful withdrawal symptoms. They were intense and unlike anything I have ever felt. Some pretty dark days. Then we started seeing each other again, and after about 6 months of that things just got weird (mostly my fault - I seem to have developed an addiction too). Several attempts to go NC have failed. I just saw her this past weekend (it's a long story - posted elsewhere). It was kind of a disaster - I knew I should act casual and keep it together, but I couldn't. I ended up talking about the relationship and saying some stuff I wish I hadn't. I bet it was really attractive. So I am still not out of the woods. I have some things to work on still. I am trying/doing most the stuff that people will tell you to do on here (except NC). Things are getting better - slowly. My only advice is to try to take all the other advice to heart, and do the best that you can to stay NC.
robbysurfs Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) Your story is mine except it took a yr and I am finally getting through to the other side. Check some of my posts, I actually wrote one that said "f my life and damn FB to hell" because I went on her page and saw she had moved on. You should really ask yourself this question did you really like her or the way she made you feel. You obviously are not together because one of you or both of you decided to break. What my point is separate yourself from the the thought or the voice you hear and listen to it for what it is and hear it as a thought but not your being. Your ego or your false self is hurt but you give it (false self) fuel to live because your in the past or the future in your mind. Why I say false self is because these thoughts fuel something that is not real. In reality your alive you ate food and your presumably okay but your relationship is over dont close the door on your real true life there are a lot of good women still out there. I went through bouts of depression suicidal thoughts anger you name it but it all passed. The bondage of self is a powerful thing and right now your held captive by your own perceptions and it is becoming your reality. My suggestion is to take a action meaning take a walk ride a bike or exercise regularly seek therapy if needed. Take a action and change a thought trust me it works and this book helped me a ton it is called the power of now by ekart tolle check it out and good luck. Edited February 27, 2014 by robbysurfs
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