Wait Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I started a thread over a year ago seeking advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. In that thread is a message I had sent her after 2 years of no contact and 2 years of her being with someone else. What resulted was a tepid reply that left me heart broken and depressed. It has been 5 years that we've been broken up and I have been in 2 serious relationships since, one of which I'm in now; however, neither of these relationships have come close to fulfilling what I want or need. Every trait and characteristic of my current girlfriend I compare to my ex and in nearly every category she pales in comparison. The years are flying by and I find myself waiting for something that may never happen. Each day blends with the next - each minute consumed by thoughts of her strolling back into my life I realize what it must look like to people on the outside looking in. It looks sad - depressing - unstable - unhealthy. She's still with the guy she's been with for over 3 years now. They moved upstate together and she has secured a nice career for herself. I'm genuinely happy for her but I can't imagine my life being fulfilled without her by my side. As crazy as this may sound, I have even thought about what my last dying words would be if I were to pass before reconciling with her. I would want nothing more than for her to know that my last words illustrated the love I've always had for her. I would want her to know that her name was the last word off my tongue.
David87 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 You lost her and there's nothing more you cand do about it other than be happy for her. Don't be selfish and destroy her current relationship. Let her be happy even if you aren't the one who makes her feel that way. Appreciate what you have when you have it not after you lost it.
hearttopieces Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I think I know what you are going through. It's been nearly 2 years since I saw my ex last time and I am still in love with him. I think about him all the time, every day. I have just started dating again but it is not working. I think some time ago I have simply accepted the fact that I won't be able to love anyone else again, and that I might be alone for the rest of my life. Once you train your mind to accept the idea, you might start feeling a bit better and emotionally stronger. No one can take your love for her away from you, so embrace it and learn how to live with it. Sorry I know I am not being very helpful here. Thank you for sharing your story.
Kopite Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I started a thread over a year ago seeking advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. In that thread is a message I had sent her after 2 years of no contact and 2 years of her being with someone else. What resulted was a tepid reply that left me heart broken and depressed. It has been 5 years that we've been broken up and I have been in 2 serious relationships since, one of which I'm in now; however, neither of these relationships have come close to fulfilling what I want or need. Every trait and characteristic of my current girlfriend I compare to my ex and in nearly every category she pales in comparison. The years are flying by and I find myself waiting for something that may never happen. Each day blends with the next - each minute consumed by thoughts of her strolling back into my life I realize what it must look like to people on the outside looking in. It looks sad - depressing - unstable - unhealthy. She's still with the guy she's been with for over 3 years now. They moved upstate together and she has secured a nice career for herself. I'm genuinely happy for her but I can't imagine my life being fulfilled without her by my side. As crazy as this may sound, I have even thought about what my last dying words would be if I were to pass before reconciling with her. I would want nothing more than for her to know that my last words illustrated the love I've always had for her. I would want her to know that her name was the last word off my tongue. OP. This might be helpful or not at all but read the last paragraph again to yourself and try and read it as if you were someone else reading this thread. Why, if you were dying, would your last words be illustrating love for someone who doesn't even really think about you anymore? You may think it's cool or sweet to think this way but in my eyes it's such really really sad that you think like this. I feel sorry for you (not in a mean way). There are so many wonderful things in life, so many wonderful people, and your last dying words would be wasted on someone who's in love with someone else? You need to get out of this way of thinking. Stop thinking you will reconcile with her. It won't happen. If in the slight chance it does, do you really want your own happiness to depend on one person?
BC1980 Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I think you are idolizing the past and idolizing her. It's normal to have these feelings in the beginning, but going on 5 years? This isn't normal. You are actually working against your own self-interests if you ever want to find someone else.
Darren Steez Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 I started a thread over a year ago seeking advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. In that thread is a message I had sent her after 2 years of no contact and 2 years of her being with someone else. What resulted was a tepid reply that left me heart broken and depressed. It has been 5 years that we've been broken up and I have been in 2 serious relationships since, one of which I'm in now; however, neither of these relationships have come close to fulfilling what I want or need. Every trait and characteristic of my current girlfriend I compare to my ex and in nearly every category she pales in comparison. The years are flying by and I find myself waiting for something that may never happen. Each day blends with the next - each minute consumed by thoughts of her strolling back into my life I realize what it must look like to people on the outside looking in. It looks sad - depressing - unstable - unhealthy. She's still with the guy she's been with for over 3 years now. They moved upstate together and she has secured a nice career for herself. I'm genuinely happy for her but I can't imagine my life being fulfilled without her by my side. As crazy as this may sound, I have even thought about what my last dying words would be if I were to pass before reconciling with her. I would want nothing more than for her to know that my last words illustrated the love I've always had for her. I would want her to know that her name was the last word off my tongue. For heavens sake man get a grip of yourself. All this wallowing and self pity. Move on, she has, she's happy. Personally I think it's cruel to be with someone while you pine for someone else, it's half assed. People come and go. Focus on yourself and the fact you might have a good girl by your side already.
Standard-Fare Posted March 4, 2014 Posted March 4, 2014 This sounds like it's less about your ex specifically and more about nostalgia, idealization of the past, and fear of time passing. We all experience stuff like this, whether it's focused on a lost love, or a past phase of our lives that we cherished, or whatever. Time bulldozes forward very quickly and we lose so many things in the process. Sometimes we get fixated on someone or something specific that we lost, almost like a badge of honor. You're fixating this anxiety on your ex in a way that is hurting your current/future progress. It's true you will never have the exact same experience and emotions you had with that ex with anyone else. But that doesn't mean you can't have something that's different, but equally good. It's hard to appreciate what you have at the moment you have it. It sounds like you did that with your ex in the past, and got your wakeup call afterwards. The very same thing could happen to you again. If you lose your current relationship, there's a good chance five years from now you could be stuck on pining for THAT one, realizing everything you missed, etc. It's hard, but try your best to see what's right in front of you with clarity and gratitude. If it truly isn't working for you, get out; but if you're just messing things up with your cloudy judgment and unfair comparisons, try to correct that.
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