Letter waiting for me at work

[wanting more]

There was a big event This last weekend in the business I do. Which is the same as xMM.

 

I was getting a drink and he came up behind me and kinda whispered in my ear that he needed to talk to me. I turned and told him there is nothing he and I ever need to talk about again and I walked off

 

Today when I got to work there was an envelope on my desk. If was a letter from him.

 

I thought I was doing the right thing by staying in my marriage. I was afraid of my kids turning their back on me. When our affair first came out, I freaked. I couldn't think. I felt pressured into doing what I was told was expected of me. I was 55 yrs old and couldn't imagine my life changing from what I was used to. I didn't protect you like I said I always would.

 

I knew she kept contacting you and your SO and blaming everything on you. And I let her. I just agreed with whatever she said so she wouldn't tell my kids. I was very selfish. Maybe in the back of my mind I figured eventually we'd get back together because it had happened that way already. I thought we'd still be together one day.

 

The last time I saw you I thought you were still mad and hurt and that's why you didn't want to talk to me. But this last weekend when you made it sound so final I guess it really hit me how much I'd hurt you. It breaks me inside thinking you will never be in my life again. I miss you so much. I've never stopped loving you I'd always kept hope that you'd forgive me.

 

I needed you to know that I still love you, that I miss you. That not a day goes by that you're not in my mind.

 

I hope to see you again soon. I hope you'll have read this and give me a chance to talk to you.

 

I love you.

 

 

WTF!!!???!

I was confused when I read it. I've Always been proud of the fact that I was over him. That he rarely entered my mind, and if he did I could easily push him out, not that this makes me want him or stir up old feelings in me. It makes me sick to think that he just thought in time I'd forgive him. He said such awful degrading things about me after d-day and then figured I'd just forget and run back in his arms when I'd seen him.

I was over the love, the hurt and the anger. Now I'm Angry again.

[BetrayedH]

If you "forgive" him (or take some other such mitigated POV), especially if you are willing to be friendly, then he must not be all "that bad," right?

 

My exwife thinks in a similar fashion. If I'm willing to he amicable, then she can show everyone that what she did mustn't have been so bad after all. "See, he's forgiving me; it was all for the best that it happened this way."

 

Piffle.

[BetrayedH]

In the first six sentences, I counted six excuses.

 

I love it when people apologize by listing the reasons that it make it ok for them to do what they did.

[nais]

There was a big event This last weekend in the business I do. Which is the same as xMM.

 

I was getting a drink and he came up behind me and kinda whispered in my ear that he needed to talk to me. I turned and told him there is nothing he and I ever need to talk about again and I walked off

 

Today when I got to work there was an envelope on my desk. If was a letter from him.

 

I thought I was doing the right thing by staying in my marriage. I was afraid of my kids turning their back on me. When our affair first came out, I freaked. I couldn't think. I felt pressured into doing what I was told was expected of me. I was 55 yrs old and couldn't imagine my life changing from what I was used to. I didn't protect you like I said I always would.

 

I knew she kept contacting you and your SO and blaming everything on you. And I let her. I just agreed with whatever she said so she wouldn't tell my kids. I was very selfish. Maybe in the back of my mind I figured eventually we'd get back together because it had happened that way already. I thought we'd still be together one day.

 

The last time I saw you I thought you were still mad and hurt and that's why you didn't want to talk to me. But this last weekend when you made it sound so final I guess it really hit me how much I'd hurt you. It breaks me inside thinking you will never be in my life again. I miss you so much. I've never stopped loving you I'd always kept hope that you'd forgive me.

 

I needed you to know that I still love you, that I miss you. That not a day goes by that you're not in my mind.

 

I hope to see you again soon. I hope you'll have read this and give me a chance to talk to you.

 

I love you.

 

 

WTF!!!???!

I was confused when I read it. I've Always been proud of the fact that I was over him. That he rarely entered my mind, and if he did I could easily push him out, not that this makes me want him or stir up old feelings in me. It makes me sick to think that he just thought in time I'd forgive him. He said such awful degrading things about me after d-day and then figured I'd just forget and run back in his arms when I'd seen him.

I was over the love, the hurt and the anger. Now I'm Angry again.

 

 

 

Angry- It is part of the grief. Look to this as a means of healing some of that anger- He waited a long time to say it but he did say it. You can remain on your resolve to not go down that path again, he did not stand up for you but appeared to have protected her. Thing is, it might be a hard thing being in love with two woman, who do you hurt in that moment? What do you protect in that moment or any other? There may never be a good reason, however its about you moving on in this situation. Best revenge is to be seen happy and prospering. He made his choice- its on him to live with it.

[vanellope]

I can tell he is kind of "love" you, but is what kind of love need to be defined by yourself.

 

It's a trick letter, he want to be with you, but he never say anything about he is going to leave his wife instead.

 

He turn his back on you when dday happened and just let his wife doing anything to disturb you, he care how his family feel and you are second piority.

 

Kids is just excuse, why he don't try his best to let their kids be fine with you. he can't face this situation instead. He will always sold you out when the stress situation happen again in future.

 

Mine do exactly the same things, I think he write this letter to you in some points in just let him feel less guilty himself. He know how hurt he create on your life.

 

I read an article before, the worst feeling human ever feel is guilty and shame.

[spice4life]

What a piece of work! This man does not love anyone but himself. If he truly loved you he would not have sat back and allow his wife to torture the living h*ll out of you and he would be respecting your right to stay NC.

 

The letter is a trap designed to suck you back into his game. Those two deserve one another.

 

Be angry, stay angry and tell him to stay the h*ll away from you should he come near you. Eww!

[TaraMaiden]

Find instructions on line of how to make a good paper plane.

Leave it on his desk, with a note:

 

The boarding gate is now closed.

The flight has left.

Find yourself another airport.

[wanting more]

If you "forgive" him (or take some other such mitigated POV), especially if you are willing to be friendly, then he must not be all "that bad," right?

 

My exwife thinks in a similar fashion. If I'm willing to he amicable, then she can show everyone that what she did mustn't have been so bad after all. "See, he's forgiving me; it was all for the best that it happened this way."

 

Piffle.

 

Forgiveness and friendship are things that won't ever happen between he and I.

[wanting more]

Angry- It is part of the grief. Look to this as a means of healing some of that anger- He waited a long time to say it but he did say it. You can remain on your resolve to not go down that path again, he did not stand up for you but appeared to have protected her. Thing is, it might be a hard thing being in love with two woman, who do you hurt in that moment? What do you protect in that moment or any other? There may never be a good reason, however its about you moving on in this situation. Best revenge is to be seen happy and prospering. He made his choice- its on him to live with it.

 

I grieved already. I had the love, hurt, pain, confusion, angry and hate. I dealt with them. He's out of my life. I had my "closure" last year. I'm done. And I guess I'm so pis*ed off right now because I'm tired of him. His bullsh*t.

I never threw him under the bus to my SO. I never blamed him or said horrible things About him.

 

I dont need or want his apologies

[wanting more]

What a piece of work! This man does not love anyone but himself. If he truly loved you he would not have sat back and allow his wife to torture the living h*ll out of you and he would be respecting your right to stay NC.

 

The letter is a trap designed to suck you back into his game. Those two deserve one another.

 

Be angry, stay angry and tell him to stay the h*ll away from you should he come near you. Eww!

 

He's Definately a piece of something.

 

He can't suck me back in. I thought I'd made that obvious.

I do hate that he thought I'd go running back. If he showed up at my door with divorce papers in hand, I'd still slam the door All this did wAs bring back the memories of how he treated me.

[wanting more]

Find instructions on line of how to make a good paper plane.

Leave it on his desk, with a note:

 

The boarding gate is now closed.

The flight has left.

Find yourself another airport.

 

That would be funny. Turn the note into an airplane and leave it on his desk. But we don't work together anymore. He actually left the note in the mail slot by my work.

[experiencethedevine]

There was a big event This last weekend in the business I do. Which is the same as xMM.

 

I was getting a drink and he came up behind me and kinda whispered in my ear that he needed to talk to me. I turned and told him there is nothing he and I ever need to talk about again and I walked off

 

Today when I got to work there was an envelope on my desk. If was a letter from him.

 

I thought I was doing the right thing by staying in my marriage. I was afraid of my kids turning their back on me. When our affair first came out, I freaked. I couldn't think. I felt pressured into doing what I was told was expected of me. I was 55 yrs old and couldn't imagine my life changing from what I was used to. I didn't protect you like I said I always would.

 

I knew she kept contacting you and your SO and blaming everything on you. And I let her. I just agreed with whatever she said so she wouldn't tell my kids. I was very selfish. Maybe in the back of my mind I figured eventually we'd get back together because it had happened that way already. I thought we'd still be together one day.

 

The last time I saw you I thought you were still mad and hurt and that's why you didn't want to talk to me. But this last weekend when you made it sound so final I guess it really hit me how much I'd hurt you. It breaks me inside thinking you will never be in my life again. I miss you so much. I've never stopped loving you I'd always kept hope that you'd forgive me.

 

I needed you to know that I still love you, that I miss you. That not a day goes by that you're not in my mind.

 

I hope to see you again soon. I hope you'll have read this and give me a chance to talk to you.

 

I love you.

 

 

WTF!!!???!

I was confused when I read it. I've Always been proud of the fact that I was over him. That he rarely entered my mind, and if he did I could easily push him out, not that this makes me want him or stir up old feelings in me. It makes me sick to think that he just thought in time I'd forgive him. He said such awful degrading things about me after d-day and then figured I'd just forget and run back in his arms when I'd seen him.

I was over the love, the hurt and the anger. Now I'm Angry again.

 

 

Doesn't it make you shudder?

 

 

Even reading what he had the audacity to write almost made me vomit.

It makes me sick that as you rightly say, when it suited him he called you all the filthy things he could think of, after having falsely beguiled you with his smarmy promises, and then he wants you to 'forgive' his disgusting behaviour??? I only hope his poor wife sees the light and boots his ass to Timbuktu!!!!

 

 

You are rightly indignant and insulted. If you haven't already, burn the letter, along with your feelings of violation.

 

 

What a vile individual.................................

[herself]

I have NEVER been an advocate for telling the wife....never said this once but in THIS case....after he let YOU take the blame and be tortured and be thrown under the bus while he sat by.....no! She SHOULD see this letter, THEN she will KNOW as the letter even states YOU were cold and FINAL with him....HE is the chaser and she needs to know it.

 

Bravo for your strength and will power, its really remarkable. Not certain we all would be able to not restart. If THAT kind of letter was in my hands, I know I would have a WAY tougher time not giving in. Your amazing.

[SoleMate]

I agree with telling the wife (i.e. providing copy of letter with a cover note with your name and a date). Usually I'm not a big proponent either, but in this case, not only does it inform her (which she may or may not want and may or may not be able to believe or use), but it DEFINITELY reduces the chance he will bother you again with another letter or other violation of NC.

[experiencethedevine]

I have NEVER been an advocate for telling the wife....never said this once but in THIS case....after he let YOU take the blame and be tortured and be thrown under the bus while he sat by.....no! She SHOULD see this letter, THEN she will KNOW as the letter even states YOU were cold and FINAL with him....HE is the chaser and she needs to know it.

 

Bravo for your strength and will power, its really remarkable. Not certain we all would be able to not restart. If THAT kind of letter was in my hands, I know I would have a WAY tougher time not giving in. Your amazing.

 

 

Although you might be inclined to think that in doing so you are stirring the whole sorry saga up again, I tentatively suggest that it might actually achieve the result herself is assuming, and ensure that this revolting specimen does not contact you again.

 

 

This hideous creatures wife was also hideous to you, but in revealing the extent of her husband's clandestine and unsavoury attempts to engage you, you are burning bridges perhaps.

 

 

Frankly the whole thing makes me feel positively nauseated on your behalf.

[wanting more]

I'd sent her an apology after d-day. I sent proof of the affair. Emails. Texts. Dates when he used his credit card and at which stores. Offered to send voicemails he'd left me. Let her know he contacted me months after d-day. She turned all on me. At one point she kept contacting my BSO blaming me until even he (my BSO) told her stop calling him because the lies xMM was telling her were so ridiculous and unbelievable.

 

I've stayed out of their lives for over a year now. NC on my part.

 

I think id just be opening the door again for her.

 

And he actually didn't sign the letter. I obviously know who it's from,, but she'd spin it around on me again I'm sure

[txgrl]

Just a thought . Are you going to show this letter to your husband?

[wanting more]

Just a thought . Are you going to show this letter to your husband?

 

We're not together

[herself]

I cant believe after all that drama and a year of NC he wrote to you.

Arent you SO glad you dodged the bullet of being with him forever?

You would be in his wifes shoes living with a heartless clueless JERK.

Ugh!

[wanting more]

I cant believe after all that drama and a year of NC he wrote to you.

Arent you SO glad you dodged the bullet of being with him forever?

You would be in his wifes shoes living with a heartless clueless JERK.

Ugh!

 

I can look back now and almost thank him for being such a coward. I hurt so much, I cried for months. I wanted him so much. Then it hit me, he treated me so bad. He hurt me so much. Why would I want him? And I realized I didn't. I've had 3 serious relationships in my life. One we parted friends and just acknowledged we wouldn't work out long term, we're still good friends today. The 2nd was my BSO. I gave everything inside me for so long and got little to nothing in return. (Except him going to jail a couple times for drugs and for giving me a black eye once and some broken bones). One day I realized there wasn't anything left for me to give. I decided then I would stay until my baby was 18 and then live my life. Then the A. We all know how that ended.

 

My BSO used to always tell me I was a cold heartless bi*ch (still tries to throw that in conversations every now and then). who knows. Maybe I am. Maybe that's how I stopped loving xMM. I'm just grateful I did stop. That's why his letter just angered me. Didn't stir up any loving feelings.

[BetrayedH]

WM, I'm sorry that this has happened, mostly because of the anger it has stirred up in you. You didn't need it, I'm sure.

 

I do find it interesting how your thoughts have had such a great chance to evolve over time. Many OW long for that last message to bring "closure," or to get some kind of explanation. But for you, closure came from within and that last message was nothing but the irritating ramblings of a fool.

 

I love how he left the letter unsigned. He knew there would be a chance of you sharing it with his wife and wanted deniability. He hedged his bets, like always. Normally I'd recommend notifying the wife but we've been there once before with his lovely wife and that good deed didn't go unpunished.

 

I do wonder how you keep him out of you life ongoing. I'd hate for this to become a twice a year routine for him.

[herself]

Bet he wishes wife would leave him he isnt afraid or remorseful

[veryhappy]

I actually felt for him reading his letter. Maybe because I could easily see my exAP in it. Well he's sincere. He finally saw the light and understands the hurt he caused. He acknowledges acting badly towards you. I mean...it's good, right? Well until the ending. Instead of making this an apology, he turns it around and makes it about him. Can you forgive me and talk to me? How in the world when he had just established earlier that he got it that you didn't want to talk to him?

 

From what I know about your story, there's no good for you in contacting his wife. If you feel like it, you could talk to him and give him the surprise of his life because he'll realize that those feelings he was counting on from you are gone. That there's nothing to hope regarding you - because now he has hope. It will be a sobering moment for him to realize that. No more mental warm and fuzzy place to escape. Gone.

[wanting more]

WM, I'm sorry that this has happened, mostly because of the anger it has stirred up in you. You didn't need it, I'm sure.

 

I do find it interesting how your thoughts have had such a great chance to evolve over time. Many OW long for that last message to bring "closure," or to get some kind of explanation. But for you, closure came from within and that last message was nothing but the irritating ramblings of a fool.

 

I love how he left the letter unsigned. He knew there would be a chance of you sharing it with his wife and wanted deniability. He hedged his bets, like always. Normally I'd recommend notifying the wife but we've been there once before with his lovely wife and that good deed didn't go unpunished.

 

I do wonder how you keep him out of you life ongoing. I'd hate for this to become a twice a year routine for him.

 

 

I did learn that for me closure wasn't something he could give me. I found my own closure. And it was last year when we saw each other and I realized I'd actually "closed" that part of my life out of my mind. And heart. I'll never forget the hurt I caused or the guilt I felt, but I also won't waste my thoughts or feelings on someone who doesn't deserve them.

 

I guess that's what helped me with reading the letter. It didn't make me feel good or giddy. It did piss me off but then I won't let him have any effect on me anymore.

 

He knew what he was doing by not signing that letter. But I wouldn't have sent it to her anyway. Don't need that drama in my life.

 

I'll hope one day he'll realize I'm done. And there's nothing he can do to change that. If he showed up with signed divorce papers it wouldn't matter. You can't hurt me twice.

[wanting more]

I actually felt for him reading his letter. Maybe because I could easily see my exAP in it. Well he's sincere. He finally saw the light and understands the hurt he caused. He acknowledges acting badly towards you. I mean...it's good, right? Well until the ending. Instead of making this an apology, he turns it around and makes it about him. Can you forgive me and talk to me? How in the world when he had just established earlier that he got it that you didn't want to talk to him?

 

From what I know about your story, there's no good for you in contacting his wife. If you feel like it, you could talk to him and give him the surprise of his life because he'll realize that those feelings he was counting on from you are gone. That there's nothing to hope regarding you - because now he has hope. It will be a sobering moment for him to realize that. No more mental warm and fuzzy place to escape. Gone.

 

 

I thought I'd made it clear to him there would never be anything between us ever again when I saw him last year. Guess not. I'm figuring one day he'll just move on. Whether that is to truly try reconciling with his wife or just to find another OW, one day it'll have to stop. One day soon