Sleepyhead Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 So I've been chatting with a nice young man in some of my college classes. Conversation always flows easily and is initiated by him 95% of the time-- we both make each other laugh frequently and share similar interests, hobbies, and goals, and it often seems he makes up excuses to start talking to me. He's great to talk to because he remembers small details about things I've said in the previous days and weeks beforehand. I also have caught him stealing glances at me out of the corner of my eye multiple times (sometimes we even make eye contact as he does this, but he quickly looks away). He also displays open, mirrored body language, and seems excited to see me whenever we bump into each other around campus. I do enjoy his company so I decided so ask him out the other day. Nothing serious, just simply putting it out there that I'd like to see him sometime outside of class and giving him my number. When I asked him this he seemed EXTREMELY uncomfortable-- almost a deer in the headlights look. He spurted out a few words like "Um, yeah, sounds good, I'm really busy with school, I'll text you when I'm not..." No smiles either, he just sort of stared downwards and avoided eye contact, which isn't his usual demeanor. What gives? Did I just catch him off guard? He could very well not be single but he has never mentioned a girlfriend to me, but has mentioned other people in is life like roommates and various friends. Perhaps I just misinterpreted things. In any case, I'm so embarrassed! I did not mean to put him in an uncomfortable situation and genuinely thought he was interested. How should I act next time I do see him?
OpheliaSong Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Casual. Maybe he was just shocked because he isn't used to girls acting interested. Make sure he doesn't have a gf though, some guys try to date while having one.
kaylan Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Well whatever happens, dont let this put you off on the idea of going after what you want. Props for being a gal who isnt scared to try. I cant really say what the guy was thinking, but best of luck. 1
cif Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Be your usual self. Can't say what he was thinking but you'll find out soon enough.
newmoon Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 embarrassing ... sorry for that. but that's good you tried - I firmly believe in doing this type of stuff, if only to get your answer and move on. he might have been 'in shock' that you asked, but who knows. 100% back off now - you made your interest known and you're off the hook for any further work for the time being! best thing to do - laugh it off, be casual, but don't mention it first imo. let him bring it up or forget it altogether
Author Sleepyhead Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Thanks. Yeah, I think I'm just going to act as I would normally. I am used to asking guys out as many of my previous partners said they have thought I was "out of their league" or "intimidating" and would have been way too afraid to ask me out. (I remember my last boyfriend's hands used to shake uncontrollably around me for the first few weeks of our courtship... I thought he had some sort of health problem but he was just super nervous!) I usually go for shy, slightly awkward and sweet guys so I'm used to making the first move... but this is the first time I've done it in person as opposed to text or online chat. Super awkward!!
topaMAXX Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I used to have severe confidence issues (although I always SEEMED confident to others). I've had a few girls ask me out (or get their friends too) and I literally blew the girls off because I thought they were making fun of me. Sounds like it might be a similar situation. He might think you're out of his league.
RonaldS Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I would bet a nice stack of cash that he has a girlfriend. 1
Barbarossa Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 The first time a girl asked me out I was shocked. I would just act normal around him and see if he texts you to hang out.
Fly Union Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 He was probably just shocked. Keep making moves. A lot of girls don't take initiative and make the first move therefore many guys are taken aback when it happens. Nice to see a girl that isn't afraid to go after what she wants and this is coming from a guy.
HappyLove Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Good for you! You put it out there and it's up to him if he's interested or not. If he has a girl all he had to say is 'oh, sorry I have a girlfriend'. I'd keep looking if I were you. Sounds like he's just an awkward person maybe? Or maybe just wants to be friends. I wouldn't worry too much? Just act the same as you always did.
Silver93 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I would be caught of guard if a girl asked me this, simply because it never happens to me. I think he is interested in you so give him time and id say it will all work out. Good luck.
soccerrprp Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I would bet a nice stack of cash that he has a girlfriend. Yeah, he could be uncomfortable b/c he has a gf and loyal to her.
RonaldS Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) Yeah, he could be uncomfortable b/c he has a gf and loyal to her. Yep. 'Im real busy with school...I'll text you when I'm not.' Translation: 'I'll hit you up when I break up with my girlfriend!' Yeah, I've been really busy in school, too. But not so busy that it couldn't find room in the schedule to hang out with a cute girl. Unless he's trying to get into the nuclear physics grad program at MIT, he can take a few hours off to hang out. Unless something is stopping him. Edited February 26, 2014 by RonaldS
Author Sleepyhead Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 I think you're right about the girlfriend... One of my friends did some Facebook snooping, and even though his status is single, it looks like he only recently broke off an LTR... They might be in that weird relationship limbo where you don't really know how to detach yourself from the other person and you start going on and off again. I feel a little silly now but he was definitely putting out signals so I don't feel too stupid!
HappyLove Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I think you're right about the girlfriend... One of my friends did some Facebook snooping, and even though his status is single, it looks like he only recently broke off an LTR... They might be in that weird relationship limbo where you don't really know how to detach yourself from the other person and you start going on and off again. I feel a little silly now but he was definitely putting out signals so I don't feel too stupid! Don't feel silly at all. You took a chance. On to the next!
RonaldS Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I think you're right about the girlfriend... One of my friends did some Facebook snooping, and even though his status is single, it looks like he only recently broke off an LTR... They might be in that weird relationship limbo where you don't really know how to detach yourself from the other person and you start going on and off again. I feel a little silly now but he was definitely putting out signals so I don't feel too stupid! I wouldn't sweat it. He's probably into you, but just doesn't know how to navigate this situation. Also, if he just got out of a relationship, he might not be in any big hurry to start something else up. Or he's hurting. Or, any of a thousand other things. But he didn't say 'no', and that's the operative detail here. Just hang out and don't push anything, and at the same time, don't try to do any damage control. Just be cool. 1
Author Sleepyhead Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 True, he didn't say no, but I'm definitely not gonna hold my breath for him to contact me, haha. Alright, I'll just play it cool and act like it never happened! 1
Author Sleepyhead Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) For anyone wanting an update... Well, he did end up contacting me a few days after and since then we have been in almost constant contact and hanging out all the time (all initiated by him). It's been great, and he's single! I guess I just shocked him when I gave him my number! Anyway we'll see where things go from here. Edited March 5, 2014 by Sleepyhead 1
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