dontgiveuponme Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Im in an emotional breakdown starting 4 days ago. I know this is not the same breakdown i have when my ex dumped me. He talk to me 2 weeks ago and ask for a second chance. Instead of being happy and back to normal my depression got worst i cant stop crying and it scares me thinking things like taking my life. I know the root of it all but i dont know where to start fixing it. I think everything starts from my bad childhood and its starts resurfacing again. I dont really have friends in school,my moms beating,parents fight all the time that we end up picking up all the broken things they use to throw when they fight,I always wish i got a sister when growing up i got 3 but 2 got adopted i only got my little brother growing up, he is 2 years younger than me but when he turns 14 he died coz of heart failure and that time its just me and him inside the house he was fighting for his life in my arms.I somehow run to the neighbor for help but he was announced dead on arrival. I grow up alone and when i turn 17 i got my first bf but have an affair with my bestfriend and another 2 relationships didnt work out.This is my first relationship that lasts for 3 years and i thought everything will work out fine then he broke up with me and have an affair. So even when he is back i got scared of everything now i got this fear of getting abandoned all the time. Everyone said im really pretty but i dont believe them at all i grow up really insecure and shy.Its my ex who helps me gain a bit of self confidence and not being shy anymore.But i still need validation every now and then to feel good for myself.I know i need some professional help some counselling but i cant afford it at the moment thats why im here hoping someone can help me because im scared of what i might gonna do.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I am afraid no one on this board can give you the proper help you need. You really do need to seek out therapy. However, that does not mean we cannot encourage you! I cannot comment on therapy, as I never have had it, but some other poster should be able to aide you...I hope. You have had it rough: both by losses, your own actions and the actions of others. I have no doubt that you are a pretty girl: just hurt, and need help. You should not need to seek attention from others, be done wrong either, and tolerate it for a constant flow of attention. You are WORTH more than that... Really, I am not good when it comes to this type of advice. But, after reading your thread/post, I could not help but go out of my comfort zone with posting, to tell you that you are worth more than this, and, at any cost find a way to seek better help. Do not waste your beauty and youth, all on this horrible miseries. P.S. I know this is not good advice or any advice at all. I wanted to bump you, OP, and keep this up for someone else to answer. There are people with experience with thiz, I lack. I apologize for this lame duck of a response to you. I hope that you do get help soon from better people than me! Please be strong. 1
Author dontgiveuponme Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Todd Thanks for your reply i appreciate it.I guess what i really need right now is someone who at least listen and understand what im going through.I think my friends cant understand it all and either tired of hearing me or think im going crazy.This is my first time i had a breakdown like this im always happy and positive in life and i hate being miserable at the moment and i dont like people seeing me like this.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 What medications are you taking for your depression, if any? It is quite reasonable that your past, and all that turmoil associated with it, has finally broken you down. Only so long you can live with seeing your mom and dad act how they did, abuse, losing someone, having two other siblings adopted. The list goes on. What have your friends talked with you, on this? What advice have they given you? To be real here, they may indeed see you are in pain, and are unable to help you the way you need it. No one, but a trained person can in the end. That is what you need to help you cope, deal and move on past your past. Yet you cannot afford that and I have no clue on cheaper therapy... I am sure that you can find some help to see a therapist. You do not have to be ruled by the past. As horrible as yours sounds, you do not have to let it control you. You are a capable woman, no doubt. Beautiful, brilliant. You can grab hold of great things in life. A therapist should be able to plan out steps for you to help yourself. I know I cannot help you, as you need. But, I will offer you a listening ear. 1
Author dontgiveuponme Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Todd, Im always strong and keep reminding myself that things happen and we cant control it but i guess im not properly healed of what happen in my past and its all resurfacing now after the trauma of my recent break up. Im not taking any anti depressant pills coz i dont know anything about it. Tonight i got a headache and difficulty in breathing but at least i calm a bit. Trying to think things i want to do in the future but somehow its not working but at least i stop crying.Thanks for listening I know this is just temporary and ill be better again soon..Time heals and cant wait,its just part of struggles i need to get through to be stronger
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 You should make an appointment with a doctor, a doctor can prescribe you with anti - depressants. Which may be a big help to you. I am glad that you are feeling strong. You are strong, to endure as far as you have. A break up is a terrible thing; indeed, that may very well be surfacing all of this. Your future plans? Are you in school? If not, what are you interested in?
Author dontgiveuponme Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Yes i will go see a doctor tomorrow for prescription. Im thinking of going back to college and pursue what i really want. Want to work with my insecurities and lack of confidence. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Yes i will go see a doctor tomorrow for prescription. Im thinking of going back to college and pursue what i really want. Want to work with my insecurities and lack of confidence. Do that. I would certainly be very proud of you, if you went back to college and became what you wanted, as well as beating your weaknesses. The doctor should be able to prescribe you with xanax or something to help relax you. I am rooting for you 1
Author dontgiveuponme Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Thanks Todd at least i learn something from this..Those little things that i take for granted before is much better than whats my situation right now..All those complaining and whining over lil things last time is not that bad really..And those things i do tat i think is boring is not boring at all.I realized im still lucky somehow before ..And if i overcome this ill be more happy and be grateful for lil things everyday. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I am glad to hear that! It sometimes takes going through the fire, in order to learn the value of other things. That they may not be as bad as once thought. Well, I for one, believe that you can do this. It won't be easy, but, hey, you have survived worse. I believe you can survive this. When all is said and done, you will be a success. Just keep your eyes on that. Take the step, and struggle: but make it. You may or may not struggle; either way, make it. You will be one happy girl.
mea_M Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Hi there! So much from early childhood can most certainly have a lasting impact on a person. It's not unusual. But, a person trained in therapy is probably a good starting point for you. Getting to the root of what ever is buried in the subconscious mind. Typically that's the solution as far as how to cope. You'll get there. Don't lose hope! My 2 cents. Mea 2
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