nes9 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 So my ex-girlfriend broke up with me about a year ago, on my birthday. She came out of nowhere after not talking to me for two days and told me she was getting back together with her ex. Though we only dated for 5 months, I was pretty upset about it. I went NC, got over her, and do not talk to her to this day, even though she is in my classes. Recently, one of my closest friends in my program broke up with his girlfriend of two years. She is devastated and started texting me, telling me she thinks that my friend is going after my ex. I got suspicious and caught them texting back and forth a lot. He insisted it was nothing. He came over to watch a movie the other night and confessed he got drunk, stayed at her place and made out with her this past weekend. I gave him props for coming clean to me and confronting me like a man. He's a very close friend of mine so I expected he would chalk it up to a mistake because he was upset over his breakup and drunk that night. He then proceeds to tell me he has always liked her (even though he had been dating his ex for 2 years, which goes back before he and my ex even met) and isn't ruling out dating her in the future. My other close friend, he and I are all supposed to move in together this coming fall when our leases are up. I can NOT have her coming over to my apartment every night if they start dating. He insists he's worked up about his breakup right now and has no intent of dating my ex, but just won't rule it out. He tries to convince me that because my ex and I only dated for 5 months, that I shouldn't care if he dates her. I asked him if he would be upset if I pursued his ex now that they are broken up, and he said I couldn't compare that because they dated for two years. I didn't freak out on him or over react but the more time that passes, the more this irritates me. I feel like he is being selfish telling me my relationship wasn't as meaningful as his, therefore my ex is fair game but his isn't. I'm starting to feel like he is not as good of a friend as I thought he was. The isolated make out event doesn't really bother me, but for him to contemplate dating my ex that he KNOWS I despise does. I told him if he dates her that he can expect a decline in our friendship and that it would likely never be the same. I went NC on her for a reason and that was to completely remove her from my life and now she may potentially come back into it in the worst way possible. I apologize for the long winded post but I would love insight as to whether I am reacting appropriately or overreacting, and what I should do to handle this. Thank you in advance for any replies!
newmoon Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 hard to say because it didn't go down like this, but let's say YOU had dumped HER. I bet the prospect of a your male friend dating your 'reject' would be ok. the problem might be stemming from the fact she dumped you and not vice-versa. I don't know if he's a good friend or not, but you have to give him credit for coming clean and being straight with you. he's actually put the ball in your court a bit - you can dump him, work through it, etc. up to you. people 'partner swap' all the time when they realize a friend of their bf/gf is a better match than their bf/gf, so you can't tell them where to direct their hearts. but moving in together as roommates with him should be off the table in any event. it hasn't become official yet, so just wait it out before you do anything drastic. you sound reasonable and mature so I'm sure you'll figure out what is best
Author nes9 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 hard to say because it didn't go down like this, but let's say YOU had dumped HER. I bet the prospect of a your male friend dating your 'reject' would be ok. the problem might be stemming from the fact she dumped you and not vice-versa. I don't know if he's a good friend or not, but you have to give him credit for coming clean and being straight with you. he's actually put the ball in your court a bit - you can dump him, work through it, etc. up to you. people 'partner swap' all the time when they realize a friend of their bf/gf is a better match than their bf/gf, so you can't tell them where to direct their hearts. but moving in together as roommates with him should be off the table in any event. it hasn't become official yet, so just wait it out before you do anything drastic. you sound reasonable and mature so I'm sure you'll figure out what is best It really is the living situation that is my biggest fear. If they end up dating, fine, as long as I don't have to see them together every day. We won't be moving until September, so it is impossible to predict the future. So you agree though that I should not live with him now no matter what? That is what my gut instinct has been telling me.
newmoon Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 It really is the living situation that is my biggest fear. If they end up dating, fine, as long as I don't have to see them together every day. We won't be moving until September, so it is impossible to predict the future. So you agree though that I should not live with him now no matter what? That is what my gut instinct has been telling me. that's my take on it. you'll get more responses and hopefully advice. even if he doesn't end up dating her you know what kind of friend he is (potentially interested in your women) so I'd be hesitant to room with him even if he doesn't end up with her. stay friends (perhaps?) but not roommates.
kaylan Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Hed get a punch in the mouth from me. I never go after girls my friends have dated. Hell, even if my friend liked a chick at some point, I get the ok from him first before proceeding. That dude is scum. He will learn soon that friends are hard to come by. Women come and go...but good bros, true bros, can last a life time.
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