Why do I keep letting him hurt me? :(

[Zahara]

I know I keep doing this that's why I said I don't know why I keep doing it I feel annoyed with myself I blocked him finally though because I keep doing this over and over again .-.

 

You keep doing it because you're hopeful, thinking that maybe this time he'll say what you'll want to hear. So you keep doing it over and over again, hoping that each time could be it.

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

[Caliguy30]

Please do everything in your power to listen to the people who are telling you to block him. I'm a stubborn person I ignored EVERYONE'S advise and did every but of friendship/support thinking it would help and look where I'm at. Right back here it sucks. Go no contact and stick with it.

[allikowski]

I blocked him and I wonder if he noticed. I will listen to your'e guys advice this time! You guys have always been right about his intentions I guess I just didn't want to listen because I still have feelings for him. Thank you so much for the support

[allikowski]

So almost a month ago my ex asked me out to lunch and ever since than we talk everyday. He said he wanted to try things again but to take it slow this time and that he still really likes me. We text from morning to night and I'm honestly really happy about it. The one problem is I'm scared he will disappear again like he use to. He went on a trip with his family for two days so he only messaged me once saying he couldn't talk but he was safe. I saw him get online a lot though later so I tried to think nothing of it. This morning I asked him when he gets back so we can plan something since I noticed he was online for about an hour he replied coldly that he just woke up and around 10. My problem is I feel like I'm bothering him when I message him of that he will find someone better than me. I didn't even reply to that message because I feel like I might annoy him. When we brokeup he was very confusing and always told me to move on stuff like that. I'm not sure how to not feel this way since for four months straight he wanted nothing to do with me and now he does.

[TaraMaiden]

So almost a month ago my ex asked me out to lunch and ever since than we talk everyday. He said he wanted to try things again but to take it slow this time and that he still really likes me. We text from morning to night and I'm honestly really happy about it. The one problem is I'm scared he will disappear again like he use to. He went on a trip with his family for two days so he only messaged me once saying he couldn't talk but he was safe. I saw him get online a lot though later so I tried to think nothing of it. This morning I asked him when he gets back so we can plan something since I noticed he was online for about an hour he replied coldly that he just woke up and around 10. My problem is I feel like I'm bothering him when I message him of that he will find someone better than me. I didn't even reply to that message because I feel like I might annoy him. When we brokeup he was very confusing and always told me to move on stuff like that. I'm not sure how to not feel this way since for four months straight he wanted nothing to do with me and now he does.

 

Oh he has you nicely strung along as a personal ego-boost, doesn't he?

Since when does an equal partner in a balanced relationship get to decide what is acceptable and not acceptable?

 

Answer:

When everything is in fact tilted to their preference. So it is in fact neither equal or well-balanced. He clicks his fingers, you jump and run...

 

Answer me these questions, please:

• How long did you go out together initially?
  
• When did you originally break up?
  
• For what reason?
  
• Who dumped who?
  
• Have you had sex since you 'linked up' again?
  

 

 

This is not a healthy dynamic, and will certainly not end well.

You need to stop this: Read the No Contact Guide in my signature. it will tell you everything you already know, but would rather not have confirmed, because it does in fact confirm he has friend-zoned you and is using you for his own gratification.

[allikowski]

Well we dated for a year, we brokeup about 4 months ago, we brokeup because his parents didn't like me plus their was a lot of stress in both our lives, he brokeup with me, and no we haven't had sex we've hugged and cuddled but that's about it.

[TaraMaiden]

Well we dated for a year, we brokeup about 4 months ago, we brokeup because his parents didn't like me

 

Do they suddenly 'like' you now, or do they not know their son is seeing you again?

 

plus their was a lot of stress in both our lives,

Honey, there is stress in EVERYBODY'S lives and we handle it WITH our partners, we don't break up with them at the first sign.

And forgive me for saying so, but you sound quite young - so to be honest, you haven't really had too great a taste of what 'stress' really is!

 

he broke up with me,

I knew this already, by the way.

it was obvious by the way he is treating you and in the way you are responding.

 

and no we haven't had sex we've hugged and cuddled but that's about it.

Well do not for goodness' sake get snagged into doing that for him.

Bad idea.

 

As I said - Go No Contact.

This is just a mess and a disaster waiting to happen.

[BC1980]

You are pretty much being strung along at his convenience. You don't really know if you are officially dating do you? I'm sure he likes it that way. He said he wanted to try again, but what action has he backed that up with? Texting all day doesn't count. It's fairly easy to text all day because it requires little effort or even emotion.

 

You alluded to him disappearing. Was that during the relationship?

[Strength in Healing]

TaraMaiden -- you nailed it, damn.

 

No offense to the OP, this is meant legitimately not snidely, but how old are you? It sounds like you may just both be young at this point and confused.

 

Ex's CAN get back together, but I don't know how great of a thing that is... I don't know if a bond can ever truly be restored healthily... I have heard of people getting back together and getting married, but marriage isn't the end all...

[allikowski]

Yes I am young I am only 18. The stress came from my dad dying of brain cancer, he was on hospice most of the relationship, and my medical classes as I want to become a Nurse Practitioner. He is also in school to be a firefighter and saving up to move out. His parents know we are talking again and they're not happy at all about that. Which is why he said he cant officially date me until he moves out because I deserve better and that he doesn't want me to deal with his parents. We see each other for lunch every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. He works on Saturdays and work on Sundays plus due to school we cant hangout Monday or Wednesday. He never vanished during the relationship we were really close and hung out all the time. I actually confronted him about it and he said it was because after the breakup he needed time alone and was really sorry for putting me through that, he hasn't done it again but the fear that he will is still there. Also I did reply to his message asking if he would like to hangout this week since we are on spring break but he said he cant since his other family is in town in a very cold way. Do you really think he is stringing me along? I just feel as if I can't trust him

[Simon Phoenix]

So you fell off the NC wagon again i see? Welp, this is what happens when you do. No real advice, you didn't listen before and you won't now.

[Jiivy]

Try again...don't try again...

 

You don't feel you can trust him because you can't. It's easy for us to critisize from the outside - I think it's easy even for those of us who are in these situations ourselves. I'm not going to lie, I felt that my relationship was special, that it was exceptional, the world-breaking love that would endure all hardship.

 

Of course she left me for another guy!

 

What I'm really saying here is...take the advice that's given to you here seriously. Just know that looking for answers from 100 different people is going to give you 100 slightly (or very) different answers. The decision is what you make of it and the outcome will be whatever it will be.

 

Be honest with yourself and proceed.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes I am young I am only 18. The stress came from my dad dying of brain cancer, he was on hospice most of the relationship, and my medical classes as I want to become a Nurse Practitioner. He is also in school to be a firefighter and saving up to move out. His parents know we are talking again and they're not happy at all about that. Which is why he said he cant officially date me until he moves out because I deserve better and that he doesn't want me to deal with his parents. We see each other for lunch every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. He works on Saturdays and work on Sundays plus due to school we cant hangout Monday or Wednesday. He never vanished during the relationship we were really close and hung out all the time. I actually confronted him about it and he said it was because after the breakup he needed time alone and was really sorry for putting me through that, he hasn't done it again but the fear that he will is still there. Also I did reply to his message asking if he would like to hangout this week since we are on spring break but he said he cant since his other family is in town in a very cold way. Do you really think he is stringing me along? I just feel as if I can't trust him

 

This.

That's the all-important, most vital part of your post.

That little end-snippet right there.

 

Let me give you a little lesson in what it takes to sustain, support and nourish a healthy, loving, close relationship.

Three things:

 

(Effective and constructive) COMMUNICATION

(For self and other,) RESPECT

(total and unequivocal) TRUST.

 

Those three are the mainstays of a good relationship.

They're like the tripod supporting it.

And if one of those - just one - is off-kilter, bent, snapped or broken - the other two are insufficient to continue supporting the whole.

 

And you - don't TRUST him.

 

Your communication is also off, and frankly, what he did was disrespectful.

 

Now: Communication can improve, and Respect can be salvaged, discussed, requested and established.

 

Trust?

 

What would it take from him, to prove to you, once and for all that you can completely TRUST him?

 

That's the question YOU have to answer.

It's all very well telling us you don't trust him - but what remedy would cut that deal for you?

What work does he have to guarantee, to complete, to mend that?

(And believe me, it's the hardest one to mend....)