thinkingofhim Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Im going to be brutally honest with myself and with yall: I do have boundaries but they are due to my own selfish self interest instead of respect for BW. With respect to those OW that do say they respect BW, and as much as I would like to believe that I respect BW as a human being, I cant honestly say that anything I do with regards to boundaries is respectful of her when I am dating her H (wow that was a lot of "respects"). I have boundaries not because I don't want to invade BW's "space" but because I want MY OWN space. I don't want to be in the sphere of another woman. I don't want to knock her off her sacred WIFE pedestal and replace her or use her car or her room or be reminded of her at all. What I want is to be my own self in an open authentic relationship with my MM. If I cant have that I refuse to settle for being carted around in some other womans car or having sex in another womans bed.
whichwayisup Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 Sub, he is having an A because he was feeling bored in the relationship and that he wasn't experiencing all that life has to offer while being in the relationship. It might be a MLC type of thing, he's nearly 40. He's never talked badly of her, and he thinks their relationship might be going through a "phase" and that it will rekindle someday. From what I can see there isn't really any negativity in their relationship, just boredom. He says he doesn't think he should throw away all of their time they've been together and built a life together just because he's bored right now. If you believe this and chances are you are correct - Why continue your A? This guy is NOT leaving his wife and kids, ever. He is loving life by doing as he pleases. The thing is, it's selfish and ON the expense of his innocent wife. It's not her fault that he is bored and possibly having a mid life crisis. He chose to go outside of the marriage to get some excitement and fun. That's great for him (and for you?) until he gets caught and/or you get hurt deeply and thrown under the bus. I know I need to make a drastic change. I really hope I have the strength to do it soon. I'm really struggling because being in this entire country reminds me of him, I just want to run away back to the US, back to my family and my best friends and the life I had before the A, but I can't right now and all my support systems are half a world away. I say go back home as soon as you can. Your A isn't forever, that's a fact. It's going to end sooner or later and honestly, you might as well be the one who ends it. Just hope some day soon you find the strength to. Call your best friend and let her know what is going on if you haven't already. Your life is back home, family and friends that love and adore you and know you well are there.
gettingstronger Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 The most troublesome thing I have read is the amount of time you have invested in a situation with someone's whose goals are not even remotely like yours. You want kids and a real relationship. He wants an escape and to stroke your hair. You will not find what you really need in your life while settling for so much less than you want. 2
2sunny Posted February 27, 2014 Posted February 27, 2014 So he will never choose you no matter what. What a douche he is. And why would he have the affair? Because he can. It is as simple as that. When you stop volunteering as his victim/conquest = that's when you might have a chance to think more highly of yourself. I wish you just end it. That way you'd have a chance to meet a decent and available man. 2
Author glow worm Posted February 27, 2014 Author Posted February 27, 2014 Now that I've learned he will absolutely not choose me, ever, I need to do what I've known for a long time, end it. I really appreciate the honest comments and support here, I'll likely be posting in the aftermath of ending it .... 1
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