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Betrayed spouses, what reasons did your wayward spouse give you as to why he cheated?

Popsicle

By Popsicle
in General Relationship Discussion

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

To be clear, I am asking what he told you, not so much the reasons you think he cheated or what his counselor or anyone else said. I am curious the reasons WH's SAY when they've been caught or when they confess.

Raena Established Member

Raena

Posted
Posted

First he told me he didn't know why. Then as time went on and he became angry with me he told me that he thinks I'm a piece of ****, that I care more about video games than him, that I never cared about him nor did I ever do anything for him... he made it out to be my fault.

 

That was his version of events. My version of what happened is entirely different though. If he was thinking or feeling those things, he never said anything to me and it isn't what really happened.

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yellowmaverick Established Member

yellowmaverick

Posted
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Well, my WH said several things. First, he was heading towards a MLC when he went to this seminar where he met the OW. They hung out drinking with a group throughout the week, and started talking a lot - she told him he was hot, he was fun, blah, blah, blah. She stroked his ego and he liked it. He told me that he had no intention of having a PA until a couple of months later, she offered to fly out to meet him on a business trip. He told me that he thought I would never find out, so "no one would get hurt". He told me that he loved the escape from reality. We have a lot of children, two careers, and a super busy household. When he was in the affair, he checked out of all of it because he "needed the break". Compartmentalization at its finest. He was honestly SHOCKED that I was so hurt. He never saw it as a threat to our M because, gosh, he "would never leave his family". WTF??

 

This is the best explanation that I have ever gotten. He said that he loved me, never meant to hurt me, blah, blah, blah. My MIL told me that he basically told her the same thing.

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whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
First he told me he didn't know why. Then as time went on and he became angry with me he told me that he thinks I'm a piece of ****, that I care more about video games than him, that I never cared about him nor did I ever do anything for him... he made it out to be my fault.

 

That was his version of events. My version of what happened is entirely different though. If he was thinking or feeling those things, he never said anything to me and it isn't what really happened.

 

Talk about rewriting history and skewing things to make him be the angel and you be the devil! Yet I'm sure you were the one doing the majority of stuff, taking care of things overall.

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mrs rubble Established Member

mrs rubble

Posted
Posted

He never did anything wrong. So had no reason or excuse.

He has no idea how a pair of womans knickers not belonging to me ended up in our bed.

He was only sitting and talking underneath the blankets in the dark with another woman when I came home unexpectedly one night, nothing happened between them.

If he "did" cheat, then he'd have a damn good reason, because I caused him so much grief over a pair of stray knickers and an innocent under blanket visit in the dark from his closest female "friend".:laugh:

  • Like 7
gettingstronger Established Member

gettingstronger

Posted
Posted

Classic mid life crisis. She made the first move. Was willing to travel to where was on business. Stoked hoss ego. He admits he took advantage of the trusting relationship we had and was as he put it....being a scum bag.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
  • Author
Posted
First he told me he didn't know why. Then as time went on and he became angry with me he told me that he thinks I'm a piece of ****, that I care more about video games than him, that I never cared about him nor did I ever do anything for him... he made it out to be my fault.

 

That was his version of events. My version of what happened is entirely different though. If he was thinking or feeling those things, he never said anything to me and it isn't what really happened.

 

 

Wow, that is so crazy!

  • Like 1
Smthn_Like_Olivia Established Member

Smthn_Like_Olivia

Posted
Posted

My ex had great ones -

 

1. That was before we were actually married.

2. That was when we were first married.

3. That was when we separated for a week.

4. I don't remember admitting to that one.

5. That was a joke.

 

The divorce and him losing everything was NOT a joke. :laugh:

  • Like 3
Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
Posted

he was emerging out of the lowest time in our married life to a new, high powered position, one we had been preying for and he felt life a fraud....under serving of it.

 

he thought everyone adored and admired me, but only tolerated him.

 

he and she, a newly d single mom were the two new hires. He loved her flattery, attention, and need to be rescued. Rescuing her, giving her advice, empowered him. that and the easy sex was very, ahem, boosting to his sagging ego.

 

She fell for him, big time. he cared for her, but six months before DDay knew she wasn't the one but did not know how to get out of it....she was very needy and hey! she loved him so was always, always, available.....apparently.

 

These cheaters are so conflict-avoidant, no? They don't tell the wife how miserable they are feeling and don't tell the AP they are addicted to the way they make them feel BUT not enough to leave the spouse.

 

Like he said, I thought I could control it, but it grew out of control.

 

when DDay struck and I threw him out to be with his soulmate, I discovered she wasn't the only woman he was talking to.....

 

Mid-life crisis for sure....and a lot of heartache for all involved.

  • Like 3
2sunny Established Member

2sunny

Posted
Posted

Because he was a selfish idiot.

 

Seriously, he did say that. And it's true.

 

He knows it even better 8 years later. Not that he's changed that about himself - that's why it was time to divorce.

 

His new wife is stuck with his selfish, self consumed ways.

 

I don't regret life on my own. This is freedom!

  • Like 3
VeronicaRoss Established Member

VeronicaRoss

Posted
Posted

As someone hit on by several married men the excuse is almost always one of two things...

 

1. She's too busy for me now with her work, hobbies and kids

2. I need spice, we've been together forever and that's old.

  • Like 4
SugarHibiscus Established Member

SugarHibiscus

Posted
Posted

My H said he did it because we had been together since we were teenagers and he "didn't get to experience sex". He then told me that he thought I had more sexual experience than him because I had been unfaithful and he wanted to catch up. WTH? I had never been unfaithful. I am now though. So BAMM! (It's been five years since he cheated on me.)

  • Like 2
BeingMe Established Member

BeingMe

Posted
Posted

Oh his reasons kept changing, none of them bore up, you see, so he kept thinking up new ones. Day he left he thought up lots in a row, none of which held water and 3 even contradicted the others :rolleyes:

 

 

Anyway here, in no order, are a select few, of many:

 

1. I thought I could get away with it

2. I'm not made for relationships [this,after a long marriage & whilst having an affair, which is, you know, a relationship :rolleyes:]

3. You criticised me so much [for him not washing up something for 4 months and for him hiding the children's shoes/lunchboxes on a regular basis]. Oh except that he later admitted that I had stopped doing that just before it went from an EA to a PA

4. I've never forgiven you for anything ever

5. She started it [sounded like a 6 year old blaming her for it all]

6. I was drunk, I never did anything when I was sober [except, you know, texting her, arranging to meet, flirting]

7. You hurt me so much [He still says this, never specifies the hurts (tells me he's said it before, he hasn't, unless it's the criticism thing & we've dealt with that?!?) and apparently his hurt trumps mine. Funny, I didn't think we were in competition]

  • Like 2
experiencethedevine Established Member

experiencethedevine

Posted
Posted

She put it on a plate and he took it because he could........

 

 

Oh, and that old chestnut...I thought what you didn't know wouldn't hurt you and I didn't think I'd get caught.......

  • Like 2
Raena Established Member

Raena

Posted
Posted
Talk about rewriting history and skewing things to make him be the angel and you be the devil! Yet I'm sure you were the one doing the majority of stuff, taking care of things overall.

 

Yes I was the one doing everything. That man had to do nothing, absolutely NOTHING around this house. Once in awhile he would throw in a load of laundry and be sure to dump it all over the bed so that I would have to put it all away before going to bed. He did mow the lawn once a week. Everything else was on me... including raising our son by myself which he now uses against me every time we talk about the troubles our child is having.

 

This post asks for what did the WH tell was his reason... I forgot about the part where he told me that he was sure he would get away with it. That's really what it boiled down to. He didn't think he would get caught and when he did, he had to come up with some lame brained reason for why he did it in the first place when what it really boils down to is... he wanted to cheat because he wanted to. It's that simple.

  • Like 1
snappytomcat Established Member

snappytomcat

Posted
Posted

first he said it just happened,then he said he had hit rock bottom in his life,we had lost our home,a,car,and a business,and he has a stressful job,and he felt like I was to busy for him,and she ego stroked him,and told him how wonderful he was,he said she just made her self available,at a low point in his life,and he felt very vulnerable

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