student2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Where should I begin... I am a second year post-graduate student in my mid-twenties. Before arriving at law school I spent two years working in the "real world". Although working in the real world had it's advantages (the pay and being able to afford vacations), I knew the place I was working at was more of a starter job/retiring job, more than a career. I decided to take the plunge and go to post-graduate school to pursue the career that I always. I also missed the "college life" and being in an environment where people "studied hard and partied hard". Soon after arriving to school I quickly met a group a friends at school that studied and enjoyed the nightlife with each other. Shortly after that I met this fellow girl outside of my group of friends and we became an item. Although we were attracted to each other, we had our ups and downs and I felt restricted in the relationship. We eventually broke up towards the end of the school year and I enjoyed the summer as a single guy. A week before the my second year of school, I met an incoming first year student at a new student mixer. We became intimate very quickly and this eventually blossomed into an official relationship. She became friends with my group of friends and we hang out and do things all the time. At first I was against starting a new relationship because I felt like I was giving a second opportunity to date and play the field after my first post-grad school relationship did not work out. Then I started weighing my own selfish benefits. I enjoyed the fact that she cooked and cleaned for me and being able to have frequent sex. I was also afraid she may hook up with other guys if I did not make it official. I think I was also intrigued by the fact she was a different race from me, which is something I had not experienced in several years. Fast forward 6 months (after holidays spent with each others families) to today and I had a scary epiphany. I had thoughts that I may be wasting my prime years of casual dating in a higher education setting because I jumped into another relationship so quickly. Working in the real world I found it harder to date and meet new people because its not structured the same way as undergraduate and post-graduate schools are. Although I care about this individual a lot, I feel like her feelings for me are more intense. Just ending the relationship would be messy because we share so many mutual friends. Plus I'm already dealing with one ex on campus who does not speak or care much for me anymore, having two would probably be more of a headache. The school that I attend is an independent private one, so the student population is only in the thousands which means it is almost impossible to avoid seeing people. This will most likely be my last opportunity to enjoy the "single life" in this kind of environment because I go into the real world permanently after my third year is over. Although I am aware of some females that were interested in me while I was in between relationships, I do not want this to be a case of "the grass ain't always greener on the other side" and make a drastic decision. I also do not want to look back at my youthful years down the line and feel like I did not maximize my higher education years to the fullest social potential. Can someone please give me some advice? Yours Truly, #quarterlifecrisis
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 It's hard but not impossible to meet new people as a new associate but it may depend on where you work. If you go Big Law, it won't matter because you will be working 20+ hours per day.
Author student2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Yeah I heard young people at firms mingle a lot. I still feel like I'm missing out right at this moment though.
Grumpybutfun Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 The only thing you said about your gf is she cooks and cleans for you and gives you sex. Hire a maid, learn to cook and hopefully with your new found freedom to do what you want, you can get some FWBs. Don't waste her time or lead her on if you want to party. You will just resent her. Also, if cooking, cleaning and sex is all that you value about her except for the novelty of her race, you are just dating her to get your needs met. Not really a real relationship IMO. Let her go, and party like you want,or you will regret it, Grumps 1
Author student2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 You make some valid points. I may not have emphasized that I really do care about this girl,we have a lot of fun with each other, and she brings more to the table than just being domestic. I just not sure If I am ready to settled down just yet. Additionally, I probably should have left race out of it because I do not consider it a novelty/fetish interest, I just think It was a breath of fresh air to experience someone whose culture is different from mine which is something I had not experienced in a committed relationship in quite some time.
OpheliaSong Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Enjoy college. It only happens once. The only reason to be in a committed relationship is if you are preparing for marriage, kids and a white picket fenced house. You have plenty of time for that. Date and party or as grumps said, you will regret that.
Author student2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Thanks for the advice, I will take everybody's comments into consideration.
topaMAXX Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Gonna have to disagree with you here, man. I'm around your age and finished grad school about a year and a half ago. Since entering the real world, I've found it very difficult to meet a decent girl for a RELATIONSHIP. Casual dating? Easy. Just go to bars. In fact, at times, I regret not trying to settle down with one of the many girls that wanted to be exclusive with me in college and grad school. Be careful what you wish for.
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