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i don't get the whole, don't make yourself to available

cruepain

By cruepain
in General Relationship Discussion

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cruepain Member

cruepain

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry but don't understand this. People say don't make yourself too available, but shouldn't you spend time with your significant other?

 

I just don't see how you are suppose to show interest in them but also not put yourself out there.

 

can anyone use some examples please?

Eivuwan Established Member

Eivuwan

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it's about balance. you want to show you're interested of course, but don't make your life revolve around your partner. Have other interests and goals.

  • Like 7
BradJacobs Established Member

BradJacobs

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Whoever said don't make yourself available?

 

I've only ever seen it said as "don't make yourself too available."

 

We all (men and women) want to feel like we won something. You normally don't get that with instantly clingy people.

Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

Posted
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If you are well balanced and have lots of friends, a great job, recreation, hobbies, goals, family time and spiritual time, it usually takes care of itself that you won't let your life revolve around one person.

Best,

Grumps

  • Like 6
deathandtaxes Established Member

deathandtaxes

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Follow your heart and follow your head. If it isn't working, then it isn't meant to be. A lot of the advice thrown around is games-playing BS. When it clicks, it effin clicks and all caution is thrown to the wind and it feels right and good.

  • Like 3
pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

Posted
Posted
I'm sorry but don't understand this. People say don't make yourself too available, but shouldn't you spend time with your significant other?

 

I just don't see how you are suppose to show interest in them but also not put yourself out there.

 

can anyone use some examples please?

 

You're asking 2 different questions here.

 

Are we talking the initial stages of dating, or are we talking full-blown relationship? Each situation requires a different approach.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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people value you things they have to work for. If you are at somebody's beck & call with no other interests, you don't represent something they had to work for & will take you for granted.

 

 

You are much more interesting as a person when you are independent & happy in your own skin.

 

 

The balance is as follows: if your new BF/GF calls & asks you out & you are free & want to go, then go. If you already have plans with other friends or a group you are involved with, don't blow those long standing relationships off just for a date.

  • Like 1
GravityMan Established Member

GravityMan

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it's about balance. you want to show you're interested of course, but don't make your life revolve around your partner. Have other interests and goals.

 

This. That's good advice for life in general and any kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise. Clinginess is generally disliked and causes most people to want to back off or slow things down.

  • Like 1
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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I think that everybody should have their own life but I don't support game playing and manipulation. I have my life but if I am into somebody I will still make time.

  • Like 1
hellischrome Established Member

hellischrome

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I hate the gaming thing, I do it out of desperation. I also think that men like it when they have to work a bit for it, and my current partner actually told me that when I am not always available he wants to see me more. Hence, I have to play the game.

 

I REALLY hate it, and I was thinking yesterday that I don't think I will be able to play for long, I am just not good at it.

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cruepain Member

cruepain

Posted
  • Author
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You're asking 2 different questions here.

 

Are we talking the initial stages of dating, or are we talking full-blown relationship? Each situation requires a different approach.

 

 

full blown relationsip

hellischrome Established Member

hellischrome

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You are not the only guy on Earth dear

  • Like 1
hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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I hate the gaming thing, I do it out of desperation. I also think that men like it when they have to work a bit for it, and my current partner actually told me that when I am not always available he wants to see me more. Hence, I have to play the game.

 

I REALLY hate it, and I was thinking yesterday that I don't think I will be able to play for long, I am just not good at it.

 

Yes, you have to make him work a little but.

 

People appreciate what doesn't come too easily to them.

 

Always being available for a man will get you taken for granted.

 

Give the other person the opportunity to miss you a little.

  • Like 1
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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You are not the only guy on Earth dear

 

No he isn't but in general from what I see men tend to hate game playing and jumping through all these hoops. I prefer things to flow naturally.

Kate9292 Established Member

Kate9292

Posted
Posted
Yes, you have to make him work a little but.

 

People appreciate what doesn't come too easily to them.

 

Always being available for a man will get you taken for granted.

 

Give the other person the opportunity to miss you a little.

 

Exactly.

 

How many guys would like a girl that is needy, clingy and gives no breathing room and wants to be like 24/7 with him?

 

Sometimes you have to let them know you have your own life too and it doesn't revolve around them.

 

Why doesn't this apply to women then? Women don't have to "work" and jump through hoops to get a guy. Does that mean women don't appreciate the guy they are in a relationship with?

 

What?

 

I most definitely appreciate a dedication and effort of a guy who jumps through hoops for his gf.

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
I'm sorry but don't understand this. People say don't make yourself too available, but shouldn't you spend time with your significant other?

 

I just don't see how you are suppose to show interest in them but also not put yourself out there.

 

can anyone use some examples please?

 

Too available means you have no life and they are your life where it seems you have nothing else to do but hang around them and that can quickly become boring and make them take you for granted.

 

Too unavailable shows you don't care.

 

Someone who has a life and obligations will spend time with their partner and prioritize them, but especially when you're just dating, it's best to give some space and time to miss you and not just be ready to jump at the first text or call. In the past I've been guilty of that or of rearranging my schedule so much for someone I was just seeing.Nowadays, I strike a balance. If I am really busy, I will take a rain check and reschedule instead of pushing it or rearranging my plans. I always follow up and my interest is there but it makes them respect my time, plan things in advance and when someone likes you a lot they will do that. However, being too available also doesn't allow you to see if this person is willing to wait, plan in advance etc as you're simply always ready to go.

 

Once we have some level of comment then I'm more willing to make you a top priority and even rearrange things for you but in the beginning it isn't a good idea as you take any mystery, any missing this person, any anticipation out of the equation and you also don't get to see

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted (edited)

*double post but I left off the last part which fully says:

 

Once we have some level of commitment then I'm more willing to make you a top priority and even rearrange things for you but in the beginning it isn't a good idea as you take any mystery, any missing this person, any anticipation out of the equation.

Edited by MissBee
hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

Posted
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I disagree.....just because guys do it....doesnt mean they like it. They do it because they HAVE to....and their urge for sex, companionship, or whatever their agenda is overrides their annoyance of the process.

 

But women do it because they have to as well.

pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

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Posted (edited)
Women just say that guys like to chase and play hard to get… Because that in turn gives the women justification for their actions.

 

Doesn't matter how many guys say they don't like it… Women will continue their ways.

 

You're in a minority, whether you like it or not. Most guys do like to pursue and take initiative. Women have to let men be men - leaders. The chase is all part of that.

 

You can get upset about it all you want, but I let a man initiate contact and be proactive, and he appreciates it. I still voice my own opinions and make my own choices, but in the initial stages of dating, I let him be the man.

 

The ones that don't, I don't date, because they're in a minority, and there's plenty more fish in the sea.

 

Can't fight biology...

Edited by pickflicker
  • Like 1
hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

Posted
Posted

Say you have a man and a woman. They start dating. The woman is over the moon, but the man is perpetually miserable. That is a bad situation, right?

 

Conversely, imagine the opposite scenario. The man is thrilled with her, the woman can't stand him. Are those dating scenarios not a cluster f*ck, as you described it?

 

The "game back and forth" is just one way people screen each other for compatibility. She's prodding you and waiting to see how you respond, so if you fail the test, she can move on before she's gotten too invested. Both genders do it.

 

Its a self-defense mechanism, its there for a reason and that's to minimize couples that don't get along. If a girl played games with you and you HATED it, well it accomplished its purpose, it revealed that you wouldn't like each other if you were a couple, and saved you time and money.

  • Like 1
Iguanna Established Member

Iguanna

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I hate games. I've played this game in my youth cause that's what I was told I should do to make a man interested. I stopped this game after some time cause I couldn't stand it, I hate to pretend and act, I want honesty in all my relationships. That's me. You wanna call me too available? clingy? pathetic? So be it. But when I like someone and I really want to get to know him (and that's rare) I want to give in to this relationship with all my heart and my self. Human relations are hard as they are, why should we make stupid rules to make them harder? Why is a clingy woman less interesting and meritorious than a woman who is interested but pretends to be busy? This for me equals with building a relationship on a lying base and that can't be good. It's ironic to be honest, people preaching honesty and when the time comes for them to be honest, they start to pretend. I hate it.

  • Like 1
pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

Posted
Posted
I hate games. I've played this game in my youth cause that's what I was told I should do to make a man interested. I stopped this game after some time cause I couldn't stand it, I hate to pretend and act, I want honesty in all my relationships. That's me. You wanna call me too available? clingy? pathetic? So be it. But when I like someone and I really want to get to know him (and that's rare) I want to give in to this relationship with all my heart and my self. Human relations are hard as they are, why should we make stupid rules to make them harder? Why is a clingy woman less interesting and meritorious than a woman who is interested but pretends to be busy? This for me equals with building a relationship on a lying base and that can't be good. It's ironic to be honest, people preaching honesty and when the time comes for them to be honest, they start to pretend. I hate it.

 

There is nothing redeemable about being clingy. Children are clingy. Adults shouldn't be.

Iguanna Established Member

Iguanna

Posted
Posted
There is nothing redeemable about being clingy. Children are clingy. Adults shouldn't be.

 

Would you want your partner to be interested in you based on some cheating behavior you have, based on some act? People think that relationships are like being in a war, the people involved are fighting to prevail. That's not the issue. I want my man to know the true me and love me for this and not love some created me that was made only to make him interested. The people who don't like it and find it gruesome actually do me a favor cause they are not the people I want to be around. The one who will overcome this and actually appreciate it is the one who will be good enough to stay next to me and I'll give him everything, cause that's what a relationship is to me: give everything. If you want to hold things to yourself on purpose, you are not good for me.

  • Like 2
deathandtaxes Established Member

deathandtaxes

Posted
Posted

Speak it, Iguanna!

 

Screw the games. I second all you say. If they can't handle it, they're not for you.

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