Apocalyptic_Unicorn Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Hey you guys. I'm new to this site, just wanted to get this off my chest and get advice. it's eating me up inside. I got to know this girl very, very well. We quickly became good friends after a few months. Then we basically admitted our feelings for eachother and we really, really liked eachother. Over the next month, we became as close to a relationship as you could get online. We really liked and cared for eachother. We spoke everyday, we reminded eachother how much we liked eachother, how important we are to eachother, and we constantly talked about meeting and getting into a relationship. I could tell from her tweets and posts and stuff on social networks that I was tremendously important to her. We organised a meet. She knew I was going to ask her out, and she couldn't be happier, she really couldn't wait to be my girlfriend. I was nervous, so a friend, who used to know her, came along with his girlfriend, the aim to stop me being nervous, then he'd leave. We had a lot of fun. We weren't nervous or awkward, we were just like two friends that had known eachother for a while. I was surprised at the lack of romanticism though. At the end of the date, I asked her out and she said she doesn't know and evaded the question. We hung about a little more, and she eventually went home. She did say she wanted to meet me again, and maybe next time, it'll be more romantic. I called my friend later on, and he said he'll find out what happened. Turns out, she can't get over him. She thought she was fine until she saw him, and her feelings came back. And so she couldn't be with me because she can't forget about him. In those 30 seconds that she saw him on our date. Apparently, when she first started talking to me all those months ago, she really liked him, and after she told him that she's starting to really like me, he stopped talking to her in order for her to focus on me, so I have a chance with her. And it worked! She really got to like me and wanted to be with me when they stopped talking. We spoke later. She tried taking the blame off my friend by saying she was a lesbian, I really don't believe it though. However, she told him she liked us both still but wanted to be friends. She told him that nothing will happen between me and her, that we're friends. And she told me that as much as she still has feelings for me, and that I was the one person above all else in her life, she wants to be friends. So, can things work? If she forgets about him? My friend said that he's not talking to her anymore because she was really getting on his nerves with this, so if they don't talk, and I'm her friend, take her out and stuff, maybe I can help her get over him, and make her realise that we're still an option? Thanks for any advice! Edited February 25, 2014 by Apocalyptic_Unicorn
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Nope its all over. She even went so far as to pull the lesbian card. Forget her and on to the next. I would tell you the obvious and not to bring along a girls crush on a date. But in this instance I don't think you ever really had a shot so it worked out better for you. 1
pteromom Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 There's nothing wrong with making a grand gesture and telling her you love her and want to be with her. Just so you can walk away without regrets. But I wouldn't expect much out of it. She sounds flaky and unsure of what she wants.
HappyLove Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Leave her alone. Move on. Next! She's just too weird I mean is she gay or not? Then she likes some other guy. Sounds like a waste of time. Find a girl who's into you and not stupid games.
Author Apocalyptic_Unicorn Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Nope its all over. She even went so far as to pull the lesbian card. Forget her and on to the next. I would tell you the obvious and not to bring along a girls crush on a date. But in this instance I don't think you ever really had a shot so it worked out better for you. I wouldn't have brought him along if I knew they had history :/ He didn't tell me all of this until afterwards, and I regretted bringing him. There's nothing wrong with making a grand gesture and telling her you love her and want to be with her. Just so you can walk away without regrets. But I wouldn't expect much out of it. She sounds flaky and unsure of what she wants. She knows I love her, and that I'd do anything for her, but she's confused. The whole situation has left her kinda unsure and shaken. Leave her alone. Move on. Next! She's just too weird I mean is she gay or not? Then she likes some other guy. Sounds like a waste of time. Find a girl who's into you and not stupid games. Well, she's bi. She liked this guy for a long time before me, then he cut off contact with her in order for her to focus on me instead. She's been messed around a lot in the past, which is why I think she's confused and unsure about what she wants.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 OP, walk away from this one. No good will come of this. Not only does she have feelings for someone else, that person also happens to be your friend. You will always wonder in the back of your mind if it's him that she really wants; trust me, this will drive you crazy. He did a shady thing by not telling you the truth about the two of them. She did a shady thing by claiming to be a lesbian when you called her out on it. You cannot make someone get over another person, and you can't make her realize you're still an option. Wouldn't you rather be with a girl who doesn't need convincing? Expect more for yourself. She told him that nothing will happen between you and her - listen to that and believe it. There's no point waiting around for someone who just doesn't feel the same way you do. 1
BradJacobs Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 And she told me that as much as she still has feelings for me, and that I was the one person above all else in her life, she wants to be friends. Move. On. Don't try to be her lover. Don't try to be her friend. Go cold turkey, no contact and find someone worth your time.
Phantom888 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 You two are make better friends than lovers. At least she's honest with you. No need to pursue any further....there are plenty of available women out there. She is unavailable.
topaMAXX Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 A very similar situation happened to me when I was in high school. A girl liked both me and my friend. I went out with her on a date, but she later told me that she liked him more. I was hurt, but left her alone. After a few months, we had a class near each other so we would walk together. I didn't look at her as a prospect anymore and busted her balls HARD. It didn't take long for her to fall for me. I didn't understand women at the time and was pretty disgusted that she picked another guy over me, then started liking me when I was started acting like a d*ck to her. So I cut off the friendship and didn't pursue anything more with her. Point is....that worked pretty well.
Author Apocalyptic_Unicorn Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 You should never expose all your cards to a woman. Telling her you love her and you haven't even met yet. Smh. You should have just told her to chop your balls off. Anyway, she's not into you as you are into her. Next her and move on. I didn't really tell her I loved her before we met. We'd both said we like eachother a huge amount, and she'd told me multiple times that she liked me more than I realise. A very similar situation happened to me when I was in high school. A girl liked both me and my friend. I went out with her on a date, but she later told me that she liked him more. I was hurt, but left her alone. After a few months, we had a class near each other so we would walk together. I didn't look at her as a prospect anymore and busted her balls HARD. It didn't take long for her to fall for me. I didn't understand women at the time and was pretty disgusted that she picked another guy over me, then started liking me when I was started acting like a d*ck to her. So I cut off the friendship and didn't pursue anything more with her. Point is....that worked pretty well. I hear a lot that giving someone space results in them coming back a lot of the time. I'm not all over her like I was previously, I've given her space and our conversations are light. But I'm thinking that maybe we'll get back to where we were sometime in the future.
Poppygoodwill Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 Chances are she's put you in the friendzone when it compares to her crush. But maybe, if she's in the right frame of mind, you can get out of it. I'd say if you're both interested in meeting up and hanging out - without pressure - just continuing your friendship but in real life, then it's possible she could develop romantic feelings for you. Possible. But only if you're both willing to spend time togehter. If she's not at this point, then I'd say you might as well not waste your time. sorry.
Author Apocalyptic_Unicorn Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Chances are she's put you in the friendzone when it compares to her crush. But maybe, if she's in the right frame of mind, you can get out of it. I'd say if you're both interested in meeting up and hanging out - without pressure - just continuing your friendship but in real life, then it's possible she could develop romantic feelings for you. Possible. But only if you're both willing to spend time together. If she's not at this point, then I'd say you might as well not waste your time. sorry. She did say she liked us both, and she's definitely starting to get over him since he basically yelled at her. We're talking now, not as well as we used to, but its definitely getting there, and she did tell me and my friend that she wants to organise another date and meet me again. I'll probably take her out to the cinema or to the fair in a week or two. So, I don't think all hope is gone, I think that we could get somewhere with this.
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