theory980 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I want to put an end it to it but I just can't bring myself to do it. She's lonely and very depressed. She's had a hard life. I know I make her feel better about her self. I worry about her psychological well being if I break it off. Not because I think I'm awesome and irreplaceable, but because I think this kind of rejection coming from any guy could be devasting for her. She's just not for me. She's not someone I want to get serious with. What should I do? I don't think any level of letting her down easy will make min difference.
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 That's unfortunate. The one thing I know is that you don't owe losing your happiness or life for the choices or the situations that she's made in her life. You sound like you are trying to help and be respectful and a good-guy and that should be applauded. But you obviously know you can't stay with her. If she truly has issues, and you feel she may harm herself - this is probably not the forum to get answers, we don't know enough and I'd be uncomfortable providing answers that may affect the physical well-being of someone else. I'd suggest you talk to those that no her or a professional. Outside of that, you just need to find the way she best can take it. But under no circumstances should you feel like you need to stay in a relationship because of what may happen to them. Timing and approach might be impacted though. 2
awkwardturtle Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I admire the fact that you're trying to be a good guy and are showing such concern for her feelings/well-being...but I say end it asap unless you think she might hurt herself or something. Leading someone on and dragging things out only hurts worse - she will feel like crap if/when she realizes you were staying with her out of pity. Good luck, I know how hard it is to hurt people. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 You can't stay just to avoid upsetting her. Break it off quickly, cleanly & as kindly as possible but end it sooner rather than later.
soccerrprp Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 You need to let her know that she is not for you. You don't owe her anything. Your happiness and sanity is paramount and as TheNewMe2014 says, you don't compromise on that for anyone. Good luck. Do it with as much sensitivity as you can, but do it and be done with it. It's hard and sad, but how much sadder it would be if BOTH of you are in a relationship that is unhealthy.
Leigh 87 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Emphasize how lovely you think she is and explain that you're VERY attracted to her but hou simply lack the "spark" and the "right chemistry" It will lessen the blow if she doesn't think you're leaving due to not being entirely attracted. ...
milwinlol Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 You can still help this gal... You don't have to be her boyfriend to help her through this tough time. Staying with her, and almost----pretending, as such, to love her, is probably worse in the long run... You should just let her know that maybe the 'spark' has gone between the two of you, and that you want to be just friends. She'll understandingly be upset at first, just let her know that you're not going anywhere and that you're still gonna be there for her. You just have to make it clear that it won't be anything other that a strong friendship, and you have to keep your word. You can still love each other, just in a different way
Phantom888 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Her problems are not your burden. Be a friend and let her be.
LostConfused123 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I absolutely hate to hurt people's feelings. Probably shouldn't follow my advice but what I have done in the past is do something to turn them off and lose attraction for me. I made a couple guys feel like they dodged a bullet. I'll probably get reamed for telling you this and get labeled as passive aggressive and maybe it is but, I didn't hurt anyone's self esteem or pride. . . . just sayin. btw, you are so nice to think of her feelings like this. I can totally relate.Hurting someone just SUCKS!!! Best of luck!!!
theediblewoman Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 If you're concerned about her well being what I would try to do is explain the situation to someone she's close to/trusts. Tell them you think she's really great but that you don't feel romantic chemistry but that you're worried for her well being because she seems to be going through a rough patch. Once you've explained your concerns I would ask this person if they could come by or call her to check up on her after you break up with this girl and keep an eye on her and just generally make sure this girl is ok. I don't know if this is the best thing to do, but I would just make sure someone else is aware of what this girl is going through. Then just be honest with her, tell her you're not really feeling a romantic spark, if you want to be friends with her tell her so, but above all be honest and kind.
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