LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 So after 7 weeks we made it official last weekend and announced ourselves as a couple to our families and friends. Which does stress me out a little considering I haven't done that since my divorce 5 years ago. But now shes asking me what she should do about her career and living situation. Previously, she had been planning on getting a new condo in the city where she currently resides, but I guess that is off the table now. She called to tell me that the lease on her apartment here is up and they offered her a month to month lease. Or she could put her stuff in storage but if she moves back 2 weeks later it doesn't make sense to move everything twice. She was very stressed at work yesterday and nearly walked out. After hearing even more of the situation at that firm I can not blame her. Right now she is very confused on what to do. I told her I thought month to month was the best option. But then she said she will never have time to job search being so overburdened. And that she may just quit today and move back. I simply said I will be there for her regardless of what she does. I think she wants me to say, "Quit that job, move back, and everything will be fine". But I need her to make the right decision for herself. Obviously, I would like her closer, but it just feels rushed and so much pressure starting a new relationship. Her job issues are an easy fix for me. I could call in a few favors and get her interviews and job next week most likely. What do you think is the best way to proceed from here?
Chocolat Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I think, to avoid either of you ever feeling that her interest in you was swayed by what you could do for her, that she should take care of her situation on her own. Seven weeks is a very short time and, had she not met you, her lease would still be up, her job would still be crappy, etc., etc. I'm not liking the feeling I'm getting about this situation. Are you sure she isn't with you because she wants rescuing? 2
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Some of Chocolat's concerns should be considered...but might well be overstated. You need to give it some thought. I think your approach is correct - you don't want her rushing into anything and I think month-to-month is probably the best approach. Sounds like she wants to move back for you - but I'm not sure it's because she wants to be rescued. Can't tell you if getting her a job is the right decision or not. Would you for a friend? How do you think this would impact your relationship? 1
HappyLove Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Wow, only dating 7 weeks and she's relying on you a lot. Let her make her own decisions just be supportive. Nobody is hiring nowadays what if she quits and doesn't find a job for a year?
Author LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 I think, to avoid either of you ever feeling that her interest in you was swayed by what you could do for her, that she should take care of her situation on her own. Seven weeks is a very short time and, had she not met you, her lease would still be up, her job would still be crappy, etc., etc. I'm not liking the feeling I'm getting about this situation. Are you sure she isn't with you because she wants rescuing? She has had problems with her job for awhile now. She was hoping they might improve but things have gotten much worse. To the point in the last couple months 5 people have left the firm. She went to college here then lived here for another few years after that. So we have been acquaintances for quite some time. She is over thinking in a big way. And while she has become more comfortable I know she is still very scared of me hurting her. Neither of us have been in a committed relationship for around 5 years each. So just that part of it is a little frightening to both of us. The fact that another attorney just left Friday doubling her case load, her lease being up in a few days, our new relationship, all combine to apply more urgency. She has not asked nor have I offered to rescue her. I think she is just feeling overburdened and it is a lot of life changes to tackle at once. Plus I think shes afraid of spooking me with the appearance of moving back to be with me. I want to give this relationship a real shot. And all of these factors are putting more pressure on a very new situation. How can I help both her and I relieve that pressure without solving her issues for her?
Ruby Slippers Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I think you're handling it right. Listen, be supportive, help where you can, let her know your arms are open to her, but don't try to solve her problems for her. She's in a tough spot - and those times are always what calls forth our strength, creativity, and character. 1
TheNewMe2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I think Ruby is absolutely right -you are handling it well. And not being selfish suggesting she move back. Based on your additional facts - it sounds like life is just tough she's probably not looking for a rescue. It's an opportunity to be supportive and even 'facilitate' things for her. I don't think it's awful to giver her your perspective, but make sure that's unattached to you or her future with you...shouldn't be that hard to separate the two. 1
Author LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Well today I was concerned she might just flip out and quit. But she did alright and said had some serious conversations. No plan is set yet but she is definitely not moving her stuff out of my town. Her uncle is going on vacation in 2 weeks and she is going to house sit for him during that time. So she invited me to stay there with her. Which may or may not be possible due to business commitments. All and all I'm very relieved. We will be able to spend a long weekend this week and next. Then if it works out I can stay a week over there. All without having to make knee jerk reactions and so much pressure. And best of all she came up with it on her own. She is a smart girl and I think she just needed a day to process everything. Thank you for all your advice and support once again. 1
TXGuy Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Imagine that. Soon after you get serious, her lease is up and she wants to quit her job. Of course, now it is up to you to move her in and take care of her while she decides on where to go with her next career path. I'm guessing it will take a few months or years before she gets squared away. In the meantime, watch out for an 'oops' pregnancy.
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