Just had a baby & xMM broke 9mo NC

[BrokenPrincess]

Last month I logged back into our old shared email account just out of curiosity & noticed that he'd logged in once/wk for the last 5 or 6 weeks. I know I shouldn't have even looked at it but I did & of course my mind start spinning--why was he checking it every week?! Well sure enough he left an email in there a week ago like nothing had happened, very casual, no I miss you or anything, said he'd heard I moved here & would I like to meet for lunch & try to catch up.

 

Not going to lie, I felt validated that he hadn't forgotten about me during the last 9 months of complete silence. And I felt like it would be fine, maybe we could finally have face to face closure, and move on for good. Plus address the fact that we live in the same area now not across the country from each other. But the timing couldn't be worse for my stress levels --I'm 9 months pregnant & my job just laid me off. So I didn't respond.

 

Ending up having the baby over the weekend & decided today to write a response. But when I logged in, he had deleted the email!

 

It's still in the trash folder & I debated sending a response back anyway but just felt terrible & kept crying & deleting everything I wrote. I have a brand new baby & I felt soooooo guilty that I was even considering meeting xMM for coffee, even though my H knows nothing about the A. My H & I have been thru a lot the last 6 months, moving, rebuilding our lives in a new city, new jobs, he's not perfect of course but he's a good guy, he loves me & I know he's a good H.

 

But in a weird way, I also feel hurt & rejected right now by my xMM that he wanted to see me & then took it back.

 

It's just the urge to contact him just feels so strong right now. And that the door opened a crack making it a possibility. The devil on my shoulder is justifying & minimizing, thinking a quick email would be harmless but I've read enough LS to know it's not.

 

So now I'm laying in my bed crying but I know I'm doing the right thing to make healthy decisions and just really, really need some support and reassurance.

[herself]

After waiting this long, no need to stir it up.

Especially since your hormone levels are high and your emotional, I would say...ignore. for good. Maybe let validation be the closure.

He deleted by the wsy because he can see you logged in too and ignored him.

If he broke your heart he deserves ignoring, but also you say you love your H. So stay away because a new baby & him back in your life is alot. Keep your peace, god bless.

[Scott Thomas]

I presume the baby is your husband's?

It's best if you tell him that you want to maintain NC. If your marriage is on the rocks and your sleeping with another man, why have a child with your H?

[whichwayisup]

Congrats on the birth of your baby!

 

ExMM? Forget him. No good can come of this. 9 months of NC and now you see a note for you in the shared email account. He deleted it the next day and you're hurting...But, ask yourself this and really think about it - After so many months of NC, all the hard work you've done, how much of this is heart hurt? Or ego hurt? Sometimes it's hard to tell. Throw in the fact you just had a baby, your hormones aren't normal so this has made you react more...

 

You're letting exMM, who is NOT in your life anymore and hasn't been for close to a year now, get to you and ruin your special time! Really try hard to just focus on your new baby and bonding, being with your husband too. This is supposed to be a happy time and now it's not as happy.

[Got it]

Last month I logged back into our old shared email account just out of curiosity & noticed that he'd logged in once/wk for the last 5 or 6 weeks. I know I shouldn't have even looked at it but I did & of course my mind start spinning--why was he checking it every week?! Well sure enough he left an email in there a week ago like nothing had happened, very casual, no I miss you or anything, said he'd heard I moved here & would I like to meet for lunch & try to catch up.

 

Not going to lie, I felt validated that he hadn't forgotten about me during the last 9 months of complete silence. And I felt like it would be fine, maybe we could finally have face to face closure, and move on for good. Plus address the fact that we live in the same area now not across the country from each other. But the timing couldn't be worse for my stress levels --I'm 9 months pregnant & my job just laid me off. So I didn't respond.

 

Ending up having the baby over the weekend & decided today to write a response. But when I logged in, he had deleted the email!

 

It's still in the trash folder & I debated sending a response back anyway but just felt terrible & kept crying & deleting everything I wrote. I have a brand new baby & I felt soooooo guilty that I was even considering meeting xMM for coffee, even though my H knows nothing about the A. My H & I have been thru a lot the last 6 months, moving, rebuilding our lives in a new city, new jobs, he's not perfect of course but he's a good guy, he loves me & I know he's a good H.

 

But in a weird way, I also feel hurt & rejected right now by my xMM that he wanted to see me & then took it back.

 

It's just the urge to contact him just feels so strong right now. And that the door opened a crack making it a possibility. The devil on my shoulder is justifying & minimizing, thinking a quick email would be harmless but I've read enough LS to know it's not.

 

So now I'm laying in my bed crying but I know I'm doing the right thing to make healthy decisions and just really, really need some support and reassurance.

 

BP - it is all about perspective. You see it as him rejecting you but it looks more of you rejecting him. He had it out there and seemed to believe you never saw it so he removed it.

 

Now gentle 2 x 4, you need to shut down the account. You need to cut the tie if you are moving forward. You need to rebuild your marriage and right now I am sure your hormones impacting things here as well. Honey, cut the tie and focus on the Today, the Now. It is obvious he is always there offering you what he always was willing to offer. It is your's for the taking but it will be the same as it was before.

[Cali408]

It's hormones, honey. You made it 9 months. Affairs are like alcohol, you can't have one sip. If you do, you'll fall back into it. Channel all your love to your baby and husband. Don't get involved with silly little ego games. That's all it is.

[nais]

I think you still have a lot of feelings, and if given the op you will continue with this guy. If your wanting to do right then, it has to end. The fact you two still can communicate indicates the doors were not all together closed. If you do meet him, will you do more than just have a cup of coffee? You just had a baby, so your emotions are not all together balanced right now so thinking or rationalizing is out. If you do email him back tell him you had a baby and see if he is still interested in a talk. Might be the right amount of force to close that door for good.

[Popsicle]

Did he know you were pregnant when NC started?

[jwi71]

My first question as well...who is the father?

[Waverly]

BrokenPrincess, how are you doing? I was thinking of your story, and how stressful that must be with the new baby and all of the attendant emotions and hormones and general stress.

 

I hope you're doing ok.

[Mickey1982]

Just read so many of your previous threads after you posted to mine earlier today......please tell me it does get easier! After hearing that he broke NC after four months, I see myself living your experience. And, still one year later being able to be thrown for a loop. BrokenPrincess, it NVER goes away, does it?