TheNewMe2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) So, I know everyone's heard parts of my story and it sounds like it's not uncommon to follow-up. So I hope no one gets frustrated... I'm confused, depressed, frustrated right now and need some help (from the women) to help me interpret where I am with a woman I have dated a few times. The very quick synopsis of our history: We met on a vacation with a group of friends. We spent the whole vacation together as sort of a pseudo-couple with several of the other ones. I told her on the trip that I thought she was an amazing woman and really wanted to get to know her better. She agreed that we could go out when we got back. We ended up having a date the weekend after we got back - 9 hours until 3am. Nothing but a quick kiss on the lips and hug. We then chatted the next day for 2 hours. The following day a four hour phone conversation. We went out this past Friday - another 9 hour 3am date. Another hug and small kiss on the cheek. She texted me on Saturday night and asked if I wanted to go out on Sunday with another couple that became good friends with on the trip. That evening, they were together while I was with the kids. They were thinking about me...as they were discussing activities we'd all do together in the future. We did go out out all together on SUnday. And we did up very late again. They went to bed and we stayed up longer. That evening - a lot of rubbing her leg, little pecks on her head, slight snuggling. When we finally did go to bed (separately), we finally had a real kiss. (I enjoyed the kiss - but the kiss really hit me the next day). Wasn't long but wasn't quick either. In the morning - we we said goodbye (stayed at a friends)..hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. Kinda thinking about her all yesterday and I finally texted her and asked her to quick dinner. She declined - but asked if we could do it Wednesday. I unfortunately had to decline because I had my kids. Unfortunately, she is out of town this weekend and I don't see us getting together again until the next Friday (where we do have plans to celebrate her birthday with a few friends). I planned her birthday dinner - we talked about getting all our friends together. I suggested I plan it and she said that was great with her (which I also felt meant she didn't mind folks know we had at least a casual relationship). Here's my problem (because all that sounds positive - right?). I know she hasn't dated in awhile..her career has always been more important and kids aren't something I get the impression she's wanted. Though, talking to her - she's clarified a couple of times she's not afraid of kids (I have three - 6-10 years old). I know she had some concerns if I could make time for her with the kids (she told the friend who said I was the kind of guy who would). Her career does take up much free time. We ended up chatting via text last night for about an hour or two while she was working. But in the middle of texting - she went silent. I'm not one to keep texting at that point - give people their space. I did, at bedtime, finally send her a text to say 'good night and hope she wasn't working too hard'. No response..last night or this morning. I've kinda gotten used to her random, intermittent textings or hours to respond. She doesn't always have her phone with her. But I was a bit surprised I didn't hear anything back since we were texting. When we are together...the chemistry is great and she's seems extremely interested (leaning in, engaged, enjoying the the physical contact). When she isn't - I feel like it's almost out-of-sight-out-of-mind. If I don't initiate conversation - it doesn't happen. I was devastated when I told her I couldn't have dinner on Wednesday (I didn't tell her it's because I had the kids..but I'm sure she suspected). I am worried she is going to lose interest not seeing her until next Friday. The rational part of me says she's shown interest, we have a great time together and she wasn't actively looking for a relationship therefore she'll give this one a chance. The emotional side of me feels like the kids are already demonstrating to her I might have trouble making time for her (though I think she'd see over time that isn't the case..she's just gone this weekend). To the women - what do you think she's thinking? Is she into this? Interested? Just going along for the ride? She is so unique and different from anyone I've met and our chemistry is more comfortable and easy than anyone I've met I really am kind of wrapped up with her. I'm taking things VERY slowly with her because I know her career is important and, at least in the past, seems to come ahead of her relationships (which I've never heard anything about..and sounds like it's been at least a couple of years). Thanks for listening to this rambling... Edited February 25, 2014 by TheNewMe2014
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 You are over thinking it. She likes you. Remember when you dated your kids' mother? We didn't have 17 ways to get in touch with somebody & nobody thought twice about not having 24/7 access to the other person but it was all good. Assuming she's your age, she remembers that too. Now calm down. Reach out via phone -- not text -- & make another date at a mutually convenient time & place. The fact that she's willing to work on schedules is a good sign. 1
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 You rock D0nn - Since I separated nearly a year ago. I don't overthink relationships. I go out on dates..maybe several and take things as they come. I typically leave my classic overthinking out of it. I figure - if they are interested, great - if not..time to move on. I'm very struck on how she hits me different. I guess my bottom line question - a woman like this isn't so fickle that not seeing her for a week is going to allow her forget what we've started? I know I'm not competing against another guy. She's just going with the flow (and I'm not lol). So final question - her birthday is Friday and is going out of town. I'm thinking of sending her flowers on Thursday. that isn't a little too much yet? Yes..no red roses...etc....
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Flowers are a wonderful idea! (but as you already pointed out a dozen red roses would be over the top at this point)
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 lol - no, I'm not over the top. I'm trying to be the exact opposite and take things slowly. I figure if I do like her and have interest - I should do something for her. Thinking some nice carnations and note telling her I hope she has a great birthday - and leave it at that. Flowers always scare me...I feel like they sometime convey too much.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 you didn't answer my questions though - women aren't that fickle to change their mind after a week without a date due to circumstances...
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 She sounds like a woman who knows her own mind. She's not a giggling school girl, easily distracted by the newest shiny object (boy). Give her some credit. Besides, after 35 good men are hard to find & if you truly are a good guy, I think she'll want to stick around. Now get off LS & go call the florist. 1
HappyLove Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 " I am worried she is going to lose interest not seeing her until next Friday." If she really does lose interest that fast then she was never worth your time to begin with! P.S. I'd hate your guts if you sent me carnations for my bday! YUCK Please go with something more special/exotic. 1
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 She sounds like a woman who knows her own mind. She's not a giggling school girl, easily distracted by the newest shiny object (boy). Give her some credit. Besides, after 35 good men are hard to find & if you truly are a good guy, I think she'll want to stick around. That's a great perspective.
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Oh yuck. I missed the carnations part. No No No. Send a mixed bouquet.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 " I am worried she is going to lose interest not seeing her until next Friday." If she really does lose interest that fast then she was never worth your time to begin with! P.S. I'd hate your guts if you sent me carnations for my bday! YUCK Please go with something more special/exotic. lol - ok....told you I hate flowers. I'll find something more exotic. yeah, that was a stupid idea....carnations.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Thanks Happy. you are right. It's funny, with the other women I've dated. That's been my perspective. Basically, I'm not fighting to make something not there or keep something that's fleeting. It's totally appropriate and true with this one as well. I just forgot that - probably because this one would smart a bit.
HappyLove Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 lol - ok....told you I hate flowers. I'll find something more exotic. yeah, that was a stupid idea....carnations. Send something she can brag about. Who wants to say, oh yea he sent me carnations . Haha 1
HappyLove Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I've seen you give this woman nothing but your best foot forward. You've been respectful, a gentleman, you're even planning her bday dinner. If that's not good enough then screw her! Stop worrying. Your kids are a package deal with you I'm sure she knows this, so don't worry about that either. 1
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Shes asking you out and having you plan her birthday dinner. I'd say your in good shape my friend. Shes not going to lose interest in a week. If anything she will probably be more excited to see you. The text thing doesn't matter at all. I get busy and tied up and don't return texts for hours or even until the next day sometimes. Especially just chit chat texts. I think you should send her something Thursday but I'm not big on flowers. But who knows sounds like she might actually appreciate them.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Thanks Lee. You know while I have confidence in myself. With her, it was my initiation and 'smitteness' that propagated us getting together. Sometimes I feel like I'm always proving something to her, forgetting she probably has some mutual interest back. It's perspective I think I need to maintain. You're right - if she's interested, I would presume she'd be excited to see me in a week. I'm just an impatient person. lol
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