Heartbroken Eagle Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Sadly, today marks the the first anniversary of when I eventually realised that my ex did not want to reconcile after her affair, packed all my things and left her and our son. Unfortunately the pain of that day still lingers on. In a way it was a relief because from D day onwards, it was an awful time where I was losing my mind with all the lies not just from her, but her dysfunctional mother. Also being betrayed by someone I trusted and dare I say it, would have died for, after 12 years together really hurts. But, it was her eventual lack of remorse and coldness which really frightened me. She is now with another guy who inside 6 months of meeting her, moved in with her and has got engaged. As you could imaging, I'm shocked about the speed of this, especially considering an 8 year old boy is involved. A few weeks ago my ex confess to me that our split has affected him. I had to bite my tongue and turn away at this point, wanting to tell her she should have thought of the consequences of her affair and the aftermath. As for me, I'm slowly getting back to the old me. Surrounded myself with friends, who have been awesome, lost almost 4 stones going to the gym and feeling good physically. But mentally I am still hurt and angry. I do miss the companionship of a partner and the affection, but I know I am nowhere near ready for a relationship. I'm still scarred from my ex and my confidence and self esteem had taken a battering. Also, I am scared that I cannot fully trust another woman again after the way I was treated. I do not want to be hurt like this again. But I do miss the joys of being in a truly loving relationship, which in hindsight I did not have for a long while with my ex prior to our split. What I cannot believe the most is how much she has changed. She is not that woman I first met and fell in love with, more the kind I would run a mile from. I may have changed too, but I would never dream of doing anything like this or disrespecting her. The red flags were there for a while but I ignored them stupidly. I guess we also stopped communicating to each other, which was fatal. The pain does slowly receed but does it fully go away?? I don't want to be bitter forever, that's not me, but I still am an angry man for what she did. If I am honest, I am also upset at the way she has moved on as well so quickly like the previous 12 years counted for nothing... Edited February 25, 2014 by Heartbroken Eagle
realfriends Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 True freedom comes from forgiveness. I know its hard, my ex cheated on me. Its something that still gets under my skin. At the end of the day, one must forgive in order to fully heal. That doesn't make what they did right, but it allows you to move on. Also, the way my ex ended thing with me was also god awful. Sometimes, peoples true colors show in the darkest of times. Just remember that. 2
Jmk21 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Just keep your head up and tell yourself your not the only one goin through this. To me it seems she has a companionship addiction. A lot of people feel like they need somebody after a breakup. It's been 6 months for me and I still have no gf, but I don't really try. You just keep doing what your doing and try to forgive. Give yourself time to grieve everyday and meditate/reflect on anything in your life. 1
Author Heartbroken Eagle Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Thank you Realfriends and Jmk21 for your words. I must confess that I am struggling to forgive my ex. This is mainly because I miss my son so much. I see him every other weekend and school holidays, and speak to him every night but it's not the same, hence I blame my ex for this. Her attitude stinks as well, she just does not care who she hurts, she is that selfish. I do need to let it go though, for my sanity!!!
Author Heartbroken Eagle Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Another question I have, once you have been cheated on, do you fully get over it? Sadly I still have images of her and the AP in my mind.
realfriends Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Breakups, especially when cheating is involved causes deep scars. These scars don't go away, but they slowly fade with time. These lyrics I say to myself a lot to help myself put things into perspective. "Im not getting over it, just getting used to it." Its something that you will take with you to the grave. Either you can use it for good and learn from everything that has come about from it or dwell on it and let it consume you. 1
Tripz Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Heartbroken, your story is pretty much the same as mine. I'm only 90 days into this hell, but I can see where I'll probably never be completely "over" her. Like realfriends said, the scars that come from a relationship that ends due to an affair are pretty deep. I keep telling my friends that it would have been difficult to end a 25 year relationship just because we had grown apart, but the affair, which was with someone I knew and considered a friend...well, I just can't reconcile that. It's true, "I'm not getting over it, just getting used to it". Maybe someday, I'll be able to learn to suppress it so far down that it rarely comes to mind, but I don't see how that day will come soon. 1
Author Heartbroken Eagle Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Thanks guys. You are right, I will have to get use to it. I wonder if our ex's ever wonder for a second about the hurt they have caused us by their actions? Would they deep down be horrified and regretful, or more likely, do they not give a damn about us?
Tripz Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Thanks guys. You are right, I will have to get use to it. I wonder if our ex's ever wonder for a second about the hurt they have caused us by their actions? Would they deep down be horrified and regretful, or more likely, do they not give a damn about us?THAT is exactly what I think about a lot now. How could someone knowingly hurt another person that badly and STILL not at least say, "Look, I know this is so terrible for you, I'm sorry that this is how things have ended up". That's all I want to hear. I don't need the ins and outs of HOW it started or why, just that they recognize I'm still a human being and someone they once loved enough to marry and have children with. That's the crevasse in my heart that will probably never heal correctly.
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