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Gals, when you meet a guy you like, why do you play it so cool?

theory980

By theory980
in General Relationship Discussion

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theory980 New Member

theory980

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You know you meet a guy, you like him, but you intentionally act distant? It's like you are testing his clinginess. If you expect him to be a little distant, and if he doesn't, it turns you off a little?

 

Texting is a good example of this. You agree to see him the next weekend but you expect him not to text you in between? You like being unsure how much he is into to you? Obviously it doesn't stay like this, but I just mean it is like this in the beginning?

 

Am I right?

mammasita Established Member

mammasita

Posted
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Who does that? Oooooooooh yeah, game players.......

 

This girl, I mean woman lol, acts normal and shows full interest.

awkwardturtle Member

awkwardturtle

Posted
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Well, I "play it cool" in the beginning but not to test the guy's clinginess. I do it to test his interest in me and show him that I'M not clingy. Honestly I like to be pursued at first because I've been rejected a lot and just want to be reassured that a guy really is interested. (Although recently this might have backfired on me, not sure :\ ) At any rate, if I like a guy and he initiates contact with me I'll be happy, NOT turned off.

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted
You know you meet a guy, you like him, but you intentionally act distant? It's like you are testing his clinginess. If you expect him to be a little distant, and if he doesn't, it turns you off a little?

 

Texting is a good example of this. You agree to see him the next weekend but you expect him not to text you in between? You like being unsure how much he is into to you? Obviously it doesn't stay like this, but I just mean it is like this in the beginning?

 

Am I right?

 

This must be anecdotal. I have met only one woman who has done any of this. I don't know, perhaps it's maturity, age. All but one woman I've dated communicated consistently and wanted to. No acting distant.

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Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
Posted
Who does that? Oooooooooh yeah, game players.......

 

This girl, I mean woman lol, acts normal and shows full interest.

 

Hatta a girl...I mean Woman :D

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

I have never done this as a game. But I will admit that once a date is set, I'm probably not going to call or text a lot in between. In the beginning, I like to take things slow & to me that means we don't have a lot of communication. I feel smothered easily & would never smother somebody else. It takes several months for me to want daily contact. With all the ways to stay in touch these days I would be overwhelmed easily if somebody expected multiple points of contact each day.

 

I've never been coy in expressing my interests but I need boundaries, privacy & personal time.

acrosstheuniverse Established Member

acrosstheuniverse

Posted
Posted

I don't play it cool. I play it normal. Great to meet you, happy to text every day, get to know one another, but I will accept offers of dates and initiate dates myself. I won't play stupid games like waiting a certain time to text somebody back.

 

I'm just myself because well... we can only keep a facade up for so long, and once it breaks down, the person has to be compatible with who you REALLY are. The guys that chase the 'hard to get' girls usually lose interest once they 'have' her. I just want to meet somebody where we are both compatible and are honest with one another from the start. But I'm not always available, I'm busy a lot of the time with my own hobbies, work, studies and friends so I guess I come across a little like I need chasing because I'm not throwing myself at a guy 24/7 from the first day.

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
You know you meet a guy, you like him, but you intentionally act distant? It's like you are testing his clinginess. If you expect him to be a little distant, and if he doesn't, it turns you off a little?

 

Texting is a good example of this. You agree to see him the next weekend but you expect him not to text you in between? You like being unsure how much he is into to you? Obviously it doesn't stay like this, but I just mean it is like this in the beginning?

 

Am I right?

 

Precisely because if we don't guys assume WE are clingy and have a tendency to bolt. It's the guys we like that we are particularly careful with. I have to say it's not a test of his clinginess generally. Most girls live by the rule that if he's interested he will be pursuing you at the beginning---and that if we have to chase you, you are not that interested. Also sometimes it's a protection mechanism, don't get too invested until he has said or shown you that he is. If I like a guy, doesn't matter if he plays distant or not. If I'm on the fence, yes more contact can destroy what may have been.

 

If there's a date planned, same goes. If I like him and am sure, texting in between is great/fine but if i'm on the fence well it can come off as clingy. I will venture to say that most of what we are doing or not doing is for the purpose to trying to influence how you view US (if we like you).

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AnyaNova Established Member

AnyaNova

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Generally, I follow the guy's cues.

 

So for example, there was this guy in my real life who was really looking, you know, interested. And showing lots of signs. So I showed him as much as I could (I can't really do the whole touching thing until I know for sure) to match his level as much as possible for me.

 

But then just yesterday he was really strange for about 2/3rds of the time that we were together. Not making any eye contact, sounding disinterested. etc.

 

As much as I possibly can I do wander away in that particular situation. I am not going to insult my own dignity or confidence by chasing after him hoping that he will "like" me again if I just chase after him like a wounded puppy.

 

If he wants me to like him and to treat him with respect, he'd better do the same for me. It is that simple.

starrynightz45 Established Member

starrynightz45

Posted
Posted (edited)
You know you meet a guy, you like him, but you intentionally act distant? It's like you are testing his clinginess. If you expect him to be a little distant, and if he doesn't, it turns you off a little?

 

Texting is a good example of this. You agree to see him the next weekend but you expect him not to text you in between? You like being unsure how much he is into to you? Obviously it doesn't stay like this, but I just mean it is like this in the beginning?

 

Am I right?

 

Not AT ALL. If I agree to see him next weekend and he texts me in between, I feel great about it. It shows me he's interested/looking forward to it. I hate being unsure how much he's into me. I hate not hearing from someone I'm obviously into. I think that goes for most women.

 

BUT - from past experience, it seems guys never like it when the woman is more expressive or clear about how SHE feels. I find that when I do act distant, all it does is make the guy pursue harder and harder. I know this may seem like game playing and stupid, but it's just hard truth. The more I hold back and let the guy come to me, the more interested he is, the more consistency he shows, and the better things play out. This doesn't mean deliberately being cold/ignoring/or trying to make him think I'm not interested. I will express that I like the person, but not too much or too often. If I do express interest, it's only because he has done it first. Follow the guy's lead.

 

When I was younger and showed my excitement, it always backfired. That's just personal experience.

Edited by starrynightz45
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milwinlol Member

milwinlol

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Posted

A lot of girls do this.. Personally, i do it to a guy i like, merely because i know that i can sometimes be clingy, and this can often be a massive turn off to men.

It makes us feel special when you reply instantly...makes us feel loved, and that you're thinking of us...

'Playing it cool' doesn't and can't last forever, she'll come around :)

Tayken Established Member

Tayken

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Head games are soooooooooooooooooooo not cool, it's bordering on being crass

Kate9292 Established Member

Kate9292

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I play it cool with guys who I see future potential with (like I did with my bf). For more casual situations I didn't bother and just went with the flow.

hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

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Head games are soooooooooooooooooooo not cool, it's bordering on being crass

 

How does waiting for a man to make a move constitute head games....

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

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I just behave in a straightforward manner. Life's a lot easier that way. Less headache for everyone

  • Like 1
Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

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I know better than to allow myself to get swept up in emotions too early before any eggs are hatched.

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