uku383 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 At this moment I'm actually feeling a little better, but I still want to repair things with my wife. All of the wisdom on these pages, and elsewhere, says to let her go and see what comes. I'm very bad at this. I keep dropping into conversations that I want her back. I'm weak. I blurts out without intent, and I kick myself. What really frustrates me is that I know I'm a good guy. I know that my demons will go. All I want is to love her and be loved. No contact is not an option, not when we're trying to be good parents. So I'll plod along. If anyone has a magic pill, please let me know!
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 At this moment I'm actually feeling a little better, but I still want to repair things with my wife. All of the wisdom on these pages, and elsewhere, says to let her go and see what comes. I'm very bad at this. I keep dropping into conversations that I want her back. I'm weak. I blurts out without intent, and I kick myself. Not true. you FULLY intend to do it. You just KNOW you shouldn't, but you don't put the brake on. You do it because you want to. Own it. You might be weak, but if you're completely honest, it's deliberate. What really frustrates me is that I know I'm a good guy. I know that my demons will go. All I want is to love her and be loved. You have nothing to prove. but she obviously saw something she no longer wanted to be a part of. It's sad, but it happens. No contact is not an option, not when we're trying to be good parents. No Contact is ALWAYS an option - but you refine it to make sure that every interaction you have with her, is purely and simply related to care for the children. Nothing else. If something legal/practical needs discussing, either do it with someone else present or via your legal representative. But any dialogue with her directly, must only, and CAN only - concern th kids. So I'll plod along. If anyone has a magic pill, please let me know! If there was a magic pill - d'you think we'd all be here......?! 1
Author uku383 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 TaraMaiden Thank you for your comments. You are right that I control what I say. By saying I'm weak I intend to own my shortcoming. I say that I want her back because I want to do something. I am trying to control the situation. I am trying to somehow stop feeling helpless and shocked by all of this. For me, this has been hard because I thought that she was backing me as I tried to recover from my problems. The irony is that after i was admitted to hospital for depression she suddenly felt released and that she needed to leave. I guess I feel that I had no input into this. I didn't get to try and fix myself, and I feel that there was no discussion, simply a decision that I received the effects of. Your point about NC is good. I am trying to minimise contact rather than eliminate it all together. Again, for our son. I'm not talking to her about social things (not that I have a social life, but she has no idea what I do). It's very painful when she wants to talk about separating assets though. We have a house that I dreamed of us growing old in together. Horrid stuff. I also find myself remembering lots of small details. I have a bad memory, but I can remember the top that she was wearing when we met, for example. No point in telling her, but these memories mean a lot to me. I'm struggling on day to day right now. I've seriously considered suicide. Thoughts of my son have saved me. I didn't mean to offend by the magic pill comment. It was more of a cry to the universe. I can't see how anything will work. Life is pretty dark right now. I spend too much time isolating, and not enough being proactive. Frankly, I'm lost. This all feels like such a nightmare. It still doesn't feel real. I want to sort myself out. I don't want to feel like this any more. I don't want to live afraid. Now, if someone was to say that I'm simply feeling sorry for myself I'd ask them to pleased understand that I'm doing what I can to not do this.
Lucretius Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Errr I wasn't going to answer this but I saw the word "suicide" Where you are in your mind I fully understand, I can almost feel your pain and desperation. Please p.m me, I can't put the link up on this forum but I know of somewhere that might be of help 24/7 352 days a year. Somewhere you will never feel alone no matter what the time of day it is! In your case it's as close to that magic pill as you're going to find!!!
AnyaNova Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 At this moment I'm actually feeling a little better, but I still want to repair things with my wife. All of the wisdom on these pages, and elsewhere, says to let her go and see what comes. I'm very bad at this. I keep dropping into conversations that I want her back. I'm weak. I blurts out without intent, and I kick myself. What really frustrates me is that I know I'm a good guy. I know that my demons will go. All I want is to love her and be loved. No contact is not an option, not when we're trying to be good parents. So I'll plod along. If anyone has a magic pill, please let me know! There is a magic pill. It is a difficult and hugely bitter to swallow pill, and it is just as slow acting as time, but it is called No Contact. Each time you contact her you hurt yourself right now. I'm sorry. The pain must be immense, but right now you need to put yourself first. Do the things that make you happy and safeguard your happiness and stability above all else. because your ex won't. And if you have a spiritual path at the moment, I highly recommend turning to it, that is a power that can give you strength to remain strong and not hurt yourself by contacting her right now while you need to heal when your strength fails.
Author uku383 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Please p.m me, I can't put the link up on this forum but I know of somewhere that might be of help 24/7 352 days a year. Somewhere you will never feel alone no matter what the time of day it is! In your case it's as close to that magic pill as you're going to find!!! Lucretius, I'd love to get details of the site, but neither of us have PM facilities as we're not yet 'established' members. Do you intend to buy a premium subscription that would also provide PM facilities? Can you provide any search words that I could use to find the resource? Thank you for being so thoughtful. I didn't throw that word out lightly. It's been very difficult for me, and I'm very keen to find support.
Recommended Posts