Snowprincess Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Quick synopsis I will try to keep it clean and concise Me and bf best friends since we were 15 and 16 ... In our mid 20s now Been official only 7 months Thought I knew my bf Got into big fight . He says he wants phone he bought me for Christmas n helps pay . He pleaded to get me phone I said no no you'll use it against me...I didn't follow my gut He takes my phone . I think it's over so I go to spend day with my sister I realize he logged on to my fb and posing as me . On Instagram as well. I delete both. Before I get a chance to change email.. I send a mass email to friends saying I don't have my phone explaining my bf has it. Say we got in a fight. He notices I delete then changes my gmail password , Apple ID. He emails my friend (she showed me) from MY email acct saying I have access to MY NAME acct and saying I'm lying etc about the fight I start to call friends from my sister phone hey if u get an email from me or text it's not me. I then find out he texts my ex bf and starts having a convo as if he is me. He mentions things about past trips... Sends smily face...and even tries to insinuate a date. All posing as me. My ex sent me screenshots as proof (I made new email) when I called him from my house phone My bf gets mad at my friends when they won't grant him access to speak to me. harrass my friends even calls my grandma. He doesn't realiE he took all methods of communication away now he wants to contact me ?? 3 days pass NC he drops a hand written letter saying how he is sorry for what he did. We meet next day he cures and says he misses me and realized he can't live without me . He proposes. On my bday. I don't say yes I don't say no. This all in a span of 5 days Help me. I am still shocked and I can't believe the man I knew for a decade could do something so cruel like hacking identity theft..isolating me from being able to reach family and friends. Why did he do all these things ?? When I asked he said he felt insecure , wasn't thinking etc. but it don't see how that can make someone do something so creepy Edited February 25, 2014 by Snowprincess
AndrewJDC Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I think your message tells you all you need to know. He has behaved shockingly, you can either get rid or give one more chance and he needs to change. Depends how much you want it. 1
almond Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Doing all of this, then proposing a few days later? Jesus. He sounds very unstable. You know what to do...cut him out of your life. The guy is either an idiot, emotionally unstable, or both. Why would you not say no to the proposal? Surely you know that it would be disastrous? End it. This sort of thing is completely unacceptable. If you continue with this, then expect things to get worse. 2
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Harsh post: You may be in your mid-20's but I'm not sure either of you have progressed far beyond the ages you were when you first met. He sounds like an infant, though.... Don't even think of marrying him. Split, go your different ways and live a little. You've spent too long in each others' pockets to the point that you treat this relationship with nothing but contempt. Ridiculous way to behave. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I think he probably is genuinely sorry but it shows he cant control his temper x 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I think he's genuinely sorry but it shows he can't act his age. Idiot. 1
Author Snowprincess Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Doing all of this, then proposing a few days later? Jesus. He sounds very unstable. I've witness his unstability in other ways ...like he will deactivate his fb and say he's over it...then reactivity . He would do this 5 times in a week. I know fb isn't serious but the unstability not knowing if he wants it deactivated or not is just weird to me. Doesn't bother me but it's an observation
Author Snowprincess Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 I literally feel mentally and emotionally exhausted as though I'm about to have a breakdown.
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 In that case, cut him off at the knees. If he can behave like this now - trust me, he will do it again. You don't need this drama-child. I'm sorry you've known him such a long time, but you know what? Maybe you don't really 'know' him at all.... I mean, this was a bit of a shock, wasn't it? People change. They evolve and adapt to circumstances and expose aspects of themselves which are totally unexpected and apparently uncharacteristic. But when he 'loses it' - this is who he is. Has nothing of this kind ever happened before? Has he never displayed tantrum behaviour like this, in the past?
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Sorry, I just noticed your previous post, re: his FB account. You need to 'put aside childish things'. And he's a primary candidate.
Author Snowprincess Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 In that case, cut him off at the knees. If he can behave like this now - trust me, he will do it again Has nothing of this kind ever happened before? Has he never displayed tantrum behaviour like this, in the past? From what I know this (the hacking etc) has never happened. I even asked him and he's said he hadn't but he can be lying . Tantrum behavior.. He's told me when he was younger he wud black out and get into fights. One time he put a guy in a hospital he hit him so bad.
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Sounds a real gem. Tell me, if you're feeling wrung out, exhausted and a complete mess after this - do you honestly - but HONESTLY - see yourself taking a gamble with this....misfit....? Why put yourself in that danger? He sounds as if he has really, but really serious Anger issues. You don't want to have to cope with that further down the line. If he can do this to you (allegedly the most precious person in his emotional life) now, this could escalate. You really don't want to have any regrets, do you?
Author Snowprincess Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Sounds a real gem. Tell me, if you're feeling wrung out, exhausted and a complete mess after this - do you honestly - but HONESTLY - see yourself taking a gamble with this....misfit....? Why put yourself in that danger? He sounds as if he has really, but really serious Anger issues. You don't want to have to cope with that further down the line. If he can do this to you (allegedly the most precious person in his emotional life) now, this could escalate. You really don't want to have any regrets, do you? No i don't want to regret. I'm just so loss because he was my friend more closer to me than my girls...I'm at a loss for words idk who he is. Honestly I don't see him as my future husband I can't imagine my husband/father of my future kids to do that. Realizing what I have to do makes it even harder.
Author Snowprincess Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 He's told me he'll never do it again . Tells me he might have a job prospect in New Jersey . I say I'll never move away with a boy esp after what happened. He says he will make enuff for both of us to live off. I said ..oh so u can kick me out n leave me homeless ? I drove back home tonight haven't been able to sleep since I been back. I don't want to go back . But it's easy to say. I'm fighting not to do it
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Yes, I know, it is difficult. But look upon it as a self-preservation/damage-limitation exercise. There is no predicting what he may or may not be like in future, but one thing is for sure: he needs to get a grip and help himself. You can tell him that, but honestly, you have no obligation to be around while he does. He needs fixing, but he's the one who has to do it, and he has to see that it's an urgent necessity. You? You need to step away from the potential landmine. You take care of you. Your Best friend is not who you thought he was. He is going to have to suck up the consequence of that.
Author Snowprincess Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 I haven't stopped crying since this morning. I broke down . I'm confused.
HappyLove Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Girl! Wake up honey take a deep breath. This guy is CRAZY!!!!! And do you knows what's to come? Something MUCH WORSE. Get him out if your life NOW! He is a sicko. Having fake conversations with your ex? Really? I can't believe you met up with a lunatic after he did all this to you! Why on Earth would you ever have anything else to do with this crazy person? What more do you need him to do to prove he is bat **** crazy?! Find yourself a job and pay for your OWN phone! Exactly as you said he will get you isolated in jersey and leave you standing in the cold when he decides to be mad at you again. I'm sorry he turned out to be such a jerk, now you know. And now it's time to get far far away from this crazy person! Find a man who will love you...and who isn't insane.
Zahara Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I haven't stopped crying since this morning. I broke down . I'm confused. That's ok. Cry it out. Just don't go back to this guy. He sounds unstable and controlling. 1
Author Snowprincess Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) Update: me and the guy ended up breaking up. took longer than I plan but I just was not ready. I mentally prepared myself for this moment for 3 months. I started to individually do things for myself, work out again, speak to my friends etc. the other day, he looked through my phone and accused me of flirting with other guys. he asked me to read every msg word for word in front of him. i asked him why are you doing this? i dont want to be with you if youre going to continue to treat me like this. He said he didnt want to be with me anymore. few moments later he emails me and ask me why i want to be with him? i truly believe he has a spyware on the phone and has been tracking my internet usage, who i talk to, and my location. too many weird instances of him knowing where i am, or what i am searching online. i never mentioned it but i would just keep a mental note. some examples: him knowing exactly where i am him knowing who i text him knowing how many times i text or call someone (i dont use phone anymore, getting a family plan with my mom) i think i've finally reached the point to move on. it is a sick abuse cycle. he even said he doesnt like the way i dress and whats his is his and i shouldnt be flaunting my body online or in public. but he never mentioned having a problem with this before. abuse is a debilitating sickness. I hope i can regain my sense of self and individuality, spark, and liveliness. Edited July 21, 2014 by Snowprincess 2
somedude81 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Awesome! I love hearing stories where women leave abusive controlling jerks. Sadly they aren't common enough.
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