tdd Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I was seeing a guy, things were not very serious when he decided to dump me for another girl, stating he will never want a girlfriend. Right away they jump in to dating, although their relationship is never clearly defined. He also continues sleeping with me and other people from time to time... I cried so much about this and was devastated for a long time, absolutely heartbroken. Until one day I realized I didn't actually care anymore, and cut him out of my life... Told myself I would rather not date someone who is going to be sleeping around behind my back. So rationally I have moved on, yet every time I am around him and the mention of this new girl comes up, I just can't handle myself. Just the mention of him and this girl together makes me break down crying, embarrassing myself and making a fool of myself in front of all my friends... And they all resent me for it. Is there a way to somehow get my emotional thoughts on par with my rational thoughts and be able to not let this affect me? Has anyone had a similar experience? It is starting to take a toll on my relationships and my mental health! I am getting so frustrated! I want to be over it already!
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I have no idea why you're still crying.... How long did you go out for? Seriously?
Author tdd Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Well that was a supportive empathetic response... We were seeing each other exclusively for a few months and he continued stringing me along for 8 months after that, we were really close and tried to remain friends but instead he kept sleeping with me instead so the whole thing lasted 16 months until I finally decided I was done with him using me when it was convenient for him. It's not like I dated him for 2 months and had no relationship with him after that. It's just the way we broke up and what happened after that I can't handle. Which I am trying to understand, you don't have to make me sound stupid for it. People react differently to different relationships. Doesn't matter the time span.
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 No. The problem is, you're prolonging the agony for yourself.... Why abdicate control of Who You Are to someone else? He's Douchy. Not worth your time. Come to terms that this is not good for you and stay away from him. You have to focus entirely on you, and quit putting yourself in situations where things yank your chain... Focus on why you continued sleeping with him, even though you knew it was over. That's a strong indication of a 'poor self-esteem' issue. He's not important. But you are. Because you don't have to have him in your life any more than you choose. But you have to live with yourself, for good.....
Author tdd Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 That's all very true and worth thinking about. Thanks. I just hoping that soon I am able to have a better handle on my emotions now that I've realized that he is not worth my time and avoid him in my life. I just want to be able to be around him if I have to be and not react emotionally.
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Permit me to point something out to you: You are a new member with (hitherto) 7 posts. I have slightly more.... You've had, so far, 38 hits on your thread. Yet I am the only one to have responded. I can hazard a guess as to why, and it sounds harsh, but when people sometimes see a thread like this, they think "Oh Lordy, another masochist!" and they abstain from comment. Because sometimes they may even feel tempted to be more punchy than I am... I'm sorry if my post feel like being slapped across the face with a wet fish fillet - but sometimes, it needs a bit of a loving slap up de head.... He's a player, and a user. Instead of wondering why you're still crying, wipe those tears, and see him for what he is: Someone who's breathing and taking your air. Damned jerk. Push your shoulders back and think, Phukk'im. Shoulder to the boulder, and shift into top gear....
Author tdd Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Haha ok I guess that makes sense. Thanks for the advice and perspective on things!
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Stop sleeping with him! It's messing you up and making you feel worse. He is a player and will go where the wind blows. Sadly he knows you're into him still and knows how to push your buttons. He told you he didn't want a relationship, so part of being in a R is intimacy and sex. Don't give that to him! He doesn't deserve it.
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 (She stopped sleeping with him ages ago....!)
Author tdd Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Yeah I finally realized that I had to stop... The last time I did was right before Christmas. Just can't be around him without being emotional even though I've accepted that he's nothing but a douche!!
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Think of how you react when you're around him. What is it specifically that 'yanks your chain'? Pinpoint the factor that tips you over the edge. Try to focus on what it is exactly that renders you helpless.... If you can address that and see precisely at what point you 'flip', it may help you deal with it more successfully....
David87 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Yeah I finally realized that I had to stop... The last time I did was right before Christmas. Just can't be around him without being emotional even though I've accepted that he's nothing but a douche!! I'm happy to hear that. Things will get much easier from now on, block him on social media to.
kpkballer Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 The best way to get all of your pain and crying out. Sit in your house play a bunch of slow love songs and let it all out. I GUARANTEE you à day or Two of that you will still be sad but you will not breakdown anymore. (Past experience) it might soins odd butbit truley works 1
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