Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I started seeing a guy a few weeks ago. We met off of a dating website and have been talking online for about 4 months now. At first I wasn't that interested in him. I remained short with him and kept my options open. After a few months, I decided to give him a chance since he was being persistent. We met at a local restaurant for a couple drinks and hit it off great. We stayed for hours until they closed at 2am. I was surprised how easy conversation flowed and how many laughs we shared. It had potential. He started the police academy right after that, and I knew he'd be busy like he said he would be, so I didn't think much of it when he wouldn't text me for a couple days. He didn't text me until a week later on Valentines Day telling me happy vday and then asking if I'd like to come out with a few of his friends the following night. I said sure, and he offered to pick me up and take me (he lives an hour from me and the location was closer to him so I found this a nice gesture). At the last minute, his friends ended up bailing. We went to a country bar and danced and had a really good time. I actually started to feel something for him. When we were leaving, he told me to wait at the door and he pulled around his car for me since it was cold out. He seemed like a gentleman.. he made me feel taken care of and kind of special. He took me home and I fell asleep on the way there. When he pulled up in my drive way, he told me what a great time he had and that he wants to see me again. He went in to hug me and then asked me if he could kiss me. We ended up making out for the next hour. I didn't want to leave. But it was getting late. The next morning I got a text right away telling me thanks for such a great night and some small talk about the night. I could not stop thinking about him all day. Something about him. I had such a good time and he had my attention loud and clear. This could BE something, I thought. I texted him the following day thinking this was turning into something and said that I hoped he had a good day at school. He texted me back 10 hours later saying how busy it was and what a long day he had. That was the last I heard in a week. As the days went on and I didn't get a text, I became less confused and more angry. I didn't get it... he told me what a great time he had and it seemed evident how well we got along. I thought, maybe over the weekend he'll ask me to hang out again, because I know his week days are really busy. Nopee... I checked his facebook and saw he was a few hours north with some girl. Maybe it was a friend, I didn't know. But I felt played. I was hurt that I let my guard down a bit and was starting to feel something for him and just.. nothing.. So I opened my big mouth and texted him tonight - "So was I just an attempted booty call or?" He responded that I was not by any means, and that last week was just really long and busy and this past weekend he stupidly went up to see an old friend that he used to talk to. He said it was a mistake because she ended up ditching him and he felt like an idiot. He said he was sorry and that he still wants to take me out again and hopes I give him another chance. I told him I'm just tired of games and don't have the patience for them. He said I was right and that he hears me loud and clear and that he hopes he didn't kill the chance to hang out again. I just responded, 'its whatever.' I didn't want to act like I cared too much.. but at the same time, I did. Am I over reacting? Is it possible he really was just busy and I'm being dramatic? Do I give him another chance?
Fly Union Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 He already apologized and offered to meet up with you? What else do you want?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Eh. I don't think I'd be interested in seeing him again. He didn't seem too eager about keeping in touch and you had to reach out to him first after a week of silence. He's done all he can do (ie. apologize) but I think I would move on. I'd prefer to be with someone who at least attempts to keep the conversation going and doesn't leave me wondering. Also, I would imagine that this girl isn't just an old friend. He says he "stupidly" went to see her and that he felt bad when she ditched him. Methinks there's more to it than only friends, but that's just my two cents. 2
ChatroomHero Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 I get the feeling that if the situation was reversed, there would be a lot of posts from the "she doesn't owe you anything after a couple of dates" crowd. You went out, you both had fun. You didn't think much of him but changed your mind, it probably showed a bit that you weren't head over heels right away. After meeting twice?? and him being busy during the week, you were upset that he was A. seeing someone else or B. meeting up with a friend. Either way it doesn't matter, you had a couple of dates and sounds like you fell for him but you might not be his first priority yet, you haven't earned that. You were not exclusive, so if you basically facebook stalked him and then got upset that he MAY be seeing other women, that is kind of skeezy. Honestly after just a couple of actual dates if I got a text like you sent him, you would drop off my priority list as I would just see a headache in my future. It sounds to me like the question should be, should he give you another chance. He already did so you should probably take it. It's unrealistic to think someone you just went from cold to hot on wouldn't be dating other women and would have you as a top 10 priority just yet. 2
OhThatGirl Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 He isn't as interested as you are. Seems like this friend was likely an ex or someone else he's seeing. The fact you hadn't heard anything and still had to be the first one to make contact tells you he wasn't too excited to see you again. By the way... Your text was a TERRIBLE way of making contact. A man owes you no explanation after 2 dates and by asking if you were a failed booty call it says you don't understand dating and jump to bizarre conclusions. Like the last poster if I were a guy I'd have immediately deleted your number. The fact that he expressed interest in going out is fine, but not impressive. I'm guessing he struck out with girl you saw on Facebook and when you initiated contact he figured he'd take you up as a secondary option. Again, he owes you nothing so at this point you can't really be upset about that. Like myself, most people are seeing a couple people at a time until they decide to become exclusive at one person. Naturally there is going to be prioritizing. Go out with him again if you can be ok with this. Don't go if you can't. Don't expect too much too soon and permit feelings to develop with caution. Meanwhile, continue seeing other people yourself. Knowing you're not his only option, he shouldn't be yours either. 2
FaithInTheDark Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 He did take the time to say he was sorry and explain himself. And yeah,you went out twice , you two are not exclusive. You expressing being upset could be a red flag as he's not commuted to you. Although, we all get caught up in our emotions from time to time and texts like you did. I say give him a chance. I'm all about not taking any crap from men anymore but if he's willing to make the effort to want to take you out again that shows something. Just keep your gaurd up a bit until he earns your trust.
myothernic2 Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 You are wasting your time... You are definitely wasting your time. No one is that busy, he's not that interested and is only considering going out with you because he failed with his "friend". He sure wasn't too busy for that was he?
HappyLove Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 He's not that into you. He goes days without even communicating with you. A man who likes you loads is going to try and have steady communication with you to let you know he's interested. You should definitely date other men. As far as, is he lying? What do you think he's lying about? I'm sure the girl he went to see is someone he likes and I'm sure he's talking to other women. At the same time you're not exclusive anyway so you can't hold that against him. I'm sure he's still on the dating site too. Ugh, that's why I hate those sites just makes everything harder because while you're trying to connect with him he's still messaging and getting messages daily. Try not to get too attached and emotional, I've been there, you make a great connection and realize they are making 50 other great connections. This is the reality of OLDing, most are dating several people so you can't get upset unless you're exclusive. But my main concern would be his lack of interest in you sounds like he only catches up with you when it's convenient. It takes two seconds to send a 'hey I'm thinking about you' text. Do you really want someone who leaves you hanging for days? Sounds like this just turned out to be not a great match. Maybe you could meet up and explain your looking for something more exclusive and see what he's looking for. Because if he's not on the same page you may as well end it now. 1
Iguanna Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Yes you give him another chance which you will only know is the last one, though I don't buy the excuse that the week was busy blah blah, he had the time to visit a friend but not send you at least a text the whole week and weekend? Raise your expectations to the fullest and wait and see if he will fulfill them. If he doesn't, wave him goodbye. But tell him when you meet him that you didn't appreciate him not even sending you a text. Tell him you are tired of words and you need actions. Then you will judge if his behavior will have satisfied you or not. Good luck.
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 He's been texting me every day since and asking how my days going and smiley faces and keeping the conversation going and I've been giving short answers and being kind of cold. I don't want him thinking I'm crazy, now that you all said it was a big mistake for me to say that. He asked me if I'm free tomorrow night to go out with a bunch of his friends for his friends surprise party... I honestly feel weird now to go out with all his friends I don't know. Can I get a date up in here??
Recommended Posts