He apologized and wants to rekindle things, but I'm hesitant and worried

[starrynightz45]

I met a guy at law school last year. We dated briefly and I ignored all the signs that he was not open to a relationship. Things never got physical and even though we had a great time together - he called it off saying he was not ready for a relationship and didn't want to lead me on.

 

Accepting rejection, I went on with life. He would contact me every now and then, remained inconsistent, but I never reached out to him first. We went out a couple more times but strictly as friends. He always acted as if nothing ever happened.

 

Though we "sort of" remained friends, it has been almost 8 months since we stopped dating (that was June of 2013). Coincidentally, we had a class together this semester. Slowly, he began texting regularly again and also invited me to his birthday dinner, where I was the only female with 2 of his friends.

 

Last week, he finally called and said he wanted to "go out" but wanted me to be clear that he was asking me out on a date. I said we'd need to talk about it. The next day, I met him on campus and he explained that previously, he was scared, unsure he could care about another person, and not in the "mindset" for a serious relationship. He said that he had feelings for me all along, was tired of denying them, that he had changed, had no reservations now, and wanted to know if I'd be willing to give him another chance. Is all this possible in 8 short months? I'm not sure I'm 100% convinced, but I guess.

 

I explained my concerns but said I was open to the date. The date went great and his behavior has changed drastically. He thanked me for giving him an opportunity to explain, and for giving him another chance. He calls/texts very consistently, is sweet, actively tries to spend time with me, etc. But I'm still scared because it's only been a week, and I'm not sure I'm convinced. I've learned to lean back and let him do the work so as not to make him feel like things are moving too quickly, but I'm also worried that he's going to back out again. Any suggestions?

[almond]

No one can predict what he will do.

 

Seems as though he's doing all the right things...reaching out, initiating, listening to your concerns and addressing/explaining the difference between how he felt then, and how he does now.

 

If you like him and want to give him a shot then do it. Try not to let your fears mess with your head and the relationship though.

[pyramid]

I met a guy at law school last year. We dated briefly and I ignored all the signs that he was not open to a relationship. Things never got physical and even though we had a great time together - he called it off saying he was not ready for a relationship and didn't want to lead me on.

 

Accepting rejection, I went on with life. He would contact me every now and then, remained inconsistent, but I never reached out to him first. We went out a couple more times but strictly as friends. He always acted as if nothing ever happened.

 

Though we "sort of" remained friends, it has been almost 8 months since we stopped dating (that was June of 2013). Coincidentally, we had a class together this semester. Slowly, he began texting regularly again and also invited me to his birthday dinner, where I was the only female with 2 of his friends.

 

Last week, he finally called and said he wanted to "go out" but wanted me to be clear that he was asking me out on a date. I said we'd need to talk about it. The next day, I met him on campus and he explained that previously, he was scared, unsure he could care about another person, and not in the "mindset" for a serious relationship. He said that he had feelings for me all along, was tired of denying them, that he had changed, had no reservations now, and wanted to know if I'd be willing to give him another chance. Is all this possible in 8 short months? I'm not sure I'm 100% convinced, but I guess.

 

I explained my concerns but said I was open to the date. The date went great and his behavior has changed drastically. He thanked me for giving him an opportunity to explain, and for giving him another chance. He calls/texts very consistently, is sweet, actively tries to spend time with me, etc. But I'm still scared because it's only been a week, and I'm not sure I'm convinced. I've learned to lean back and let him do the work so as not to make him feel like things are moving too quickly, but I'm also worried that he's going to back out again. Any suggestions?

 

Similar thing happened to me, except it was about a year, and we stayed friends (and occasionally FWB) the whole time. We are almost 2 months into our relationship now, and things are good. It took me about 3 weeks to stop feeling like every time we talked, he was going to tell me he changed his mind. Just keep your guard up, take things slow, and be honest with yourself about his words and actions.

[d0nnivain]

Go on the date. It sounds like he's done some introspection & may be ready. The date will help you to determine if he's for real.

 

If you were together as 1Ls cut him some more slack. First year puts people off balance.

[OhThatGirl]

Give this man a chance! He did the right thing back then. It never got physical, he told you he wasn't ready, he kept in contact and when he decided he was able to make himself available he talked to you about giving him a shot. In my opinion this is very mature behavior. The only way I'd say otherwise is if he had immediately started dating someone else and that fell through so he came back around. Doesn't sound like the case.

 

Sounds like this guy is being genuine. Sure you were hurt he wasn't able to get involved in the past but he was wise enough to see he couldn't give you what you deserved and didn't take advantage of the situation! And inviting you to an intimate dinner with his friends? Yup. Nicely done.

 

Go for it! The timing seemed to be off the first time around but his actions are worthy of someone who gets another chance. (He thanked you? This is sweet)

 

Of course it doesn't hurt to be a bit guarded until he shows he can consistently provide this level of availability but honestly I think the past may have been disappointing but handled well. Maybe he was just out of a relationship and wanted to cope with that before getting involved with someone new.

 

Good luck. Do you like him quite a bit?

[starrynightz45]

Give this man a chance! He did the right thing back then. It never got physical, he told you he wasn't ready, he kept in contact and when he decided he was able to make himself available he talked to you about giving him a shot. In my opinion this is very mature behavior. The only way I'd say otherwise is if he had immediately started dating someone else and that fell through so he came back around. Doesn't sound like the case.

 

Sounds like this guy is being genuine. Sure you were hurt he wasn't able to get involved in the past but he was wise enough to see he couldn't give you what you deserved and didn't take advantage of the situation! And inviting you to an intimate dinner with his friends? Yup. Nicely done.

 

Go for it! The timing seemed to be off the first time around but his actions are worthy of someone who gets another chance. (He thanked you? This is sweet)

 

Of course it doesn't hurt to be a bit guarded until he shows he can consistently provide this level of availability but honestly I think the past may have been disappointing but handled well. Maybe he was just out of a relationship and wanted to cope with that before getting involved with someone new.

 

Good luck. Do you like him quite a bit?

 

Thank you for the advice! Yes, I actually like him a lot. That's why I'm so scared I'm going to get hurt again and why I feel like I'm walking around on egg shells. I just don't know how to act in this situation. I don't want to come off as standoffish or cold by holding back, but I also don't want to allow myself to become too invested.

 

I guess I'm just not sure the best way to navigate with a guy who is scared of getting involved in something serious.

[OhThatGirl]

Is he scared of getting in to something serious now? Or was he just not ready 8 months ago? Situations change, feelings change, priorities change.

 

It really does sound like he's doing things right. Just watch and see where it goes but he certainly does deserve a chance. Seems like he understands you may be weary because of him backing off in the past. He should understand if you stay a bit guarded until you see if he's willing to get invested.

 

Sometimes we have to take a risk. Given that he is doing all the right things he might be one to take a risk with!

 

I really hope the best for you and this situation. Sounds like you're both reasonable and not looking to hurt or be hurt.

[Kevin_D]

Yeah, give the guy a chance! Look at it this way: He was honest! Many guys would try to sleep with you, flirt with other girls behind your back and then leave you when things got too serious. But this guy was honest and explained that he wasn't ready. He didn't try to use you or turn you into a FWB.

 

...Sounds like a great guy actually.

[WantanS4]

I met a guy at law school last year. We dated briefly and I ignored all the signs that he was not open to a relationship. Things never got physical and even though we had a great time together - he called it off saying he was not ready for a relationship and didn't want to lead me on.

 

Accepting rejection, I went on with life. He would contact me every now and then, remained inconsistent, but I never reached out to him first. We went out a couple more times but strictly as friends. He always acted as if nothing ever happened.

 

Though we "sort of" remained friends, it has been almost 8 months since we stopped dating (that was June of 2013). Coincidentally, we had a class together this semester. Slowly, he began texting regularly again and also invited me to his birthday dinner, where I was the only female with 2 of his friends.

 

Last week, he finally called and said he wanted to "go out" but wanted me to be clear that he was asking me out on a date. I said we'd need to talk about it. The next day, I met him on campus and he explained that previously, he was scared, unsure he could care about another person, and not in the "mindset" for a serious relationship. He said that he had feelings for me all along, was tired of denying them, that he had changed, had no reservations now, and wanted to know if I'd be willing to give him another chance. Is all this possible in 8 short months? I'm not sure I'm 100% convinced, but I guess.

 

I explained my concerns but said I was open to the date. The date went great and his behavior has changed drastically. He thanked me for giving him an opportunity to explain, and for giving him another chance. He calls/texts very consistently, is sweet, actively tries to spend time with me, etc. But I'm still scared because it's only been a week, and I'm not sure I'm convinced. I've learned to lean back and let him do the work so as not to make him feel like things are moving too quickly, but I'm also worried that he's going to back out again. Any suggestions?

 

Yea, give me a chance will ya!!