Kevin_D Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Three months ago, my girlfriend of 6 years dumped me out of the blue. Obviously I'm still hurting, so I'm not ready for a new relationship. But I'm doing my best to meet new girls and regain some confidence. One night when I was out drinking with my friend, we started talking to two younger women (we're 26, they're 21). One of them left after a while, but me and my friend ended up in the other girl's apartment. She had a bunch of instruments, so we played music and sang all night. Everyone was having a blast and we talked about starting a band together. We also had a moment when we talked about some serious stuff and she told us that had recently been dumped as well. When my friend fell asleep, the girl, who is really beautiful, laid down in my arms and it felt really good and natural. It felt like I had known her for years. We joked about everything and there were no awkward moments at all. Anyway, in the morning we were in a rush so I forgot to take number, but I had asked for her Facebook earlier and she added herself using my phone. I was actually hoping that we would start a band together, because I think it would have been a nice setup. But - you guessed it - she didn't accept the friend request. I wasn't that surprised. People get all sorts of crazy idea when they are drunk, especially if the have been dumped recently. Though I would gladly share the same bed with her sometime when my friend isn't sleeping in the same room, I wouldn't mind getting friendzoned either. She was just really fun to hang out and play music with. So I decided that I would make one last attempt. I wrote a cocky/funny comment on the FB-chat. No response. Well, that was it. I got the picture. I won't be a stalker. But... A few days later, 11 p.m. a wednesday, she responds and invites me to have a drink with her friends - that very night! I chose to ignore this message and pretended I was sleeping. A few days later, I wrote to her that I was going out and that she could call me if she wanted to join. Again, no response. Then suddenly, perhaps a couple of weeks later, my phone rings, 11 p.m. a mondey night! It's her! Again, she asks me if I want to join her and her friends and have a beer. I politely declined. *** Was this a booty call? Most bars here close at 1 a.m on mondays. It would be rather cruel to invite someone you don't really know that late on a monday just as a way to display power. It would feel really weird to meet up a drunk girl and her friends on a monday night. I would feel like a such desperate loser, especially if there really was no thought behind the call. *** Now to my question: How do I proceed? If she didn't want anything to do with me, she wouldn't call me, right? One the other hand, it was a drunken call. I really want to meet her again because I have a feeling that we could have really fun together, but it's like she only invites me when it's obvious that she will have the upper hand, which makes things really hard. Should I just wait and hope that she calls me some night when I happen to be out drinking? Should I call her the next time I go out? Should I suggest something completely different? Or should I just ignore her completely?
Stressus Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) I think you need to go out with her if you think it could be something. If you wait too long she will definitely lose interest(if she hasn't already). Maybe she doesn't want to go out on your terms. By inviting you she is setting the time, place, and environment. It will be more comfortable for her. Do this: Call her up and tell her you'll be available on the weekend(same time and stuff she was trying to get you before) if she wanted to do anything and you are up for anything. This way you put the ball in her court and let her know you are still interested and if she calls you up to go out(probably with her friends and ****) then you know she is interested. If she doesn't call you then either she isn't interested, isn't going out, or is playing games. If she doesn't call you, try one more time. Make sure you give her plenty of time to know you are available(don't let her know the last minute). If she doesn't call you again, then chances are she is just playing games or too emotionally screwed up at that point to mess with. If you really like her and she eventually calls you, you can just ask her straight up if she's seriously interested or just playing games. If she is seriously interested she will probably say so. If she is playing games she will probably get offended or just lead you on.\ Remember, if you go out with her et. al. you don't have to **** her(even if you want to) or play her games. You should have a better idea if things are going to work out if you actually get with her rather than play games with her. BTW, you are a desperate loser so get over it If you think she could be the one then the only way to know is to talk to her and find out. At the very least maybe you'll have some fun with her and make a new friend. Edited February 25, 2014 by Stressus 1
Chalkdust89 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Why don't you try to make plans for lunch or something else during the day when neither of you will be drunk?
Col1 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 I don't add people I date to Facebook. Probably not until engaged or even married.
Author Kevin_D Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the advice guys. I don't consider her girlfriend material, at least not at the moment. If I was in love with this girl or really wanted to sleep with her, things would have been easier. But like I said, I wouldn't mind getting friendzoned. For the first time in my life. My suspicion is that I'm a backup plan. She goes out with her friends, let guys hit on her. If she doesn't find anything interesting, she calls me. I wouldn't mind spending a night at her place, but I suspect that nothing would change afterwards. I just want to be her friend. She talked a lot about how she wanted to find people to play with and I'm a quite talented musician, what's the problem!? Do this: Call her up and tell her you'll be available on the weekend(same time and stuff she was trying to get you before) if she wanted to do anything and you are up for anything. This way you put the ball in her court and let her know you are still interested and if she calls you up to go out(probably with her friends and ****) then you know she is interested. If she doesn't call you then either she isn't interested, isn't going out, or is playing games.Yeah, this is a good advice. Maybe joke around a bit. Say something like: "Why didn't you call me in the middle of the night last monday? I had a full night's sleep because of you. I expect you to do better the next time!" (with a very friendly voice of course) I don't add people I date to Facebook. Probably not until engaged or even married. Well, my original intention was to start a band with her. Obviously, that's not what she wants. Edited February 25, 2014 by Kevin_D
Chalkdust89 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) Does she know that you want to be in a band with her and that you have no (or very little) romantic interest? I really think you should try to get together with her outside of the bar scene. Edited February 25, 2014 by Chalkdust89
Author Kevin_D Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 Does she know that you want to be in a band with her and that you have no (or very little) romantic interest? I have no idea really. She is different somehow, not necessarily in a good way, but nevertheless, it's exciting. I'm very cynical, so I really enjoy the fact that she's unpredictable. Most girls would never call a guy they met once 11 p.m on a monday night. But she did. I can't put my finger on it. It's not love, there's a bit of attraction... but somehow I just dig her. I almost enjoy our little "game", it's distracting... When she called me 11 p.m on a monday, I thought "What's wrong with her?", but at the same time, I got really happy and I stopped thinking about my ex.
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